


Led By Lust

by Jacrispea



Category: Far Cry 5
Genre: Apocalypse, Blow Jobs, Casual Sex, Cunnilingus, Deputy is a dick, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Far Cry: New Dawn Spoilers, Fluff and Smut, Foursome - F/M/M/M, Jealous John, Jealousy, Kidnapping, Light Dom/sub, Love Confessions, Love Triangles, Masturbation, Multiple Partners, Multiple Relationships, Oral Sex, Paddling, Polyseed (Far Cry), Possessive Behavior, Praise Kink, Project at Eden's Gate, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Smut, Soft Jacob Seed, Spanking, Threesome - F/M/M, Torture, Touch-Starved, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-09-13
Packaged: 2020-08-13 07:37:03
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 41
Words: 58,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20170579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jacrispea/pseuds/Jacrispea
Summary: You've been a guard at Joseph's compound for years, always loyal to his family and willing to do whatever they needed from you, even if that meant giving into your sins.* Please note the tags.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Ugh, this is the third story I've started in a week... I try to update daily but with juggling the three, it may take me a few. Please be patient with me ♥️

"That's exactly what I needed," John said as he fell back to the mattress, next to you. 

"Yeah, me too. But next time, don't keep me waiting so long," you told him as you pulled the blanket up over your naked bodies. 

You made sure to leave some space between you and John. He would, of course, more than welcome any form of affection you could throw at him but cuddling led to feelings and feelings led to other things and for you, this was just about sex. You both knew that when you made your arrangement: no strings attached, no commitment, no jealousy. You were to meet up every Friday night in your tiny cabin tucked away in the mountains and then he would leave again before you went to sleep. Kissing was okay during sex, but never after (again, your rule). 

"I've been a little busy with our friend," he explained. You knew he meant the deputy. "He's seriously becoming a thorn in my ass, I can't go one day without something of mine being destroyed." 

"Maybe he'll go North and leave you alone. Jacob would be able to track him for sure," you said. 

Over the past few months, you had gotten to know Jacob on shall we say, a more personal level. John asked you not to speak about it but he couldn't say much else. It was different with Jacob; there were no weekly visits, just sporadic nightly run ins, mostly in the mountains and always against some tree. 

"I can track him myself," John hissed, pushing up from the bed abruptly and grabbing a handful of his clothes. 

"John, I didn't mean that," you said as you crossed the room to where he was buttoning his shirt. "C'mon." 

You reached a hand for his arm as he pulled away. It was now apparent, you had bruised his ego and you knew it was going to be hard to talk him down - actions might work better. 

Quickly, you dropped to your knees and held your hands to his hips. You peeked up at him apologetically and bit your bottom lip, knowing it drove him crazy when you did. 

"You know I believe in you. I chose the wrong words," you explained as you brushed your lips against his thigh, moving up at an excruciatingly slow pace. "Let me make it up to you." 

John's eyes softened the tiniest bit. 

"Stay on your knees," he said. You knew he would want to take control and he wouldn't be easy on you but you didn't care, you liked when he was rough with you anyhow. 

You nodded, still making eye contact, knowing he appreciated that. John raised his eyebrows, giving you an expectant look. You forgot he preferred words over actions. He was always talkative, even during sex and any excuse to hear his favorite word... well, he'd force it out of you one way or another. 

"Yes," you said quietly, letting him know you were willing to let him call the shots. You noticed his cock twitch close to your cheek at your words but kept your eyes on his. 

"I can never get enough of you and that perfect mouth of yours," he said as he rubbed the head of his cock against your lips. 

You wanted to open your mouth but you knew the drill, you'd have to wait until he told you to. Right now, he was enjoying toying with you. 

"Are you going to behave?" he asked. 

"Yes, John." 

He purred at that, rubbing his cock a little harder against your lips, tempting you, "Open for me." 

Excitedly, you did as he asked and parted your lips, waiting for him to enter. You watched as his chest heaved deeply, knowing it wouldn't be long before he gave in. 

"Are you going to take all of it for me?" he asked quietly. He flashed you that devious smile, bringing a heat between your legs. 

"Every inch," you whispered as you parted your lips further. 

John ran a hand through your hair gently before he settled on the back of your head, suddenly pushing the full length of his shaft to the back of your throat. You gagged slightly as the sudden intrusion, tears running down your face as he pumped against your mouth. 

"God, those lips..." he moaned as he continued his thrusts, his hand never leaving the back of your head. 

He pushed against you then deeply and stopped, keeping his cock buried in your mouth. You felt yourself unable to breath as he cut off your airways. You looked back at him helplessly but didn't struggle; he'd never truly hurt you. 

"Don't move," he said as he panted above you. 

You did as you were told but pushed your lips together a bit harder, hoping to speed things along so you could breathe again. When the panic set in, he pulled out completely, giving you a minute. 

"Do you do this to Holly?" you spat. 

John looked down at you angrily, "Does my brother do this to you?" 

You knew you shouldn't say it but in that moment, you wanted him to feel the same way you did. "Jake's much nicer about it, he'd rather have me riding his cock than on my knees." 

As soon as the words were in the air between you, you realized your mistake. That was the second time tonight you had insulted him.

John didn't say another word as he pushed back between your lips with everything he had. You raked at his hips, hoping he would ease but he only put more force behind it. His fingers dug at the back of your head roughly as he hammered away at you. When it came to the point where you thought you couldn't take anymore, you felt him spill deep into throat. A deep sigh and a long minute passed before he finally pulled out and finished dressing without a word. 

"Nothing for me?" 

"No," he said as he threw on his coat and headed for the door. 

"John, what the hell!" you yelled at him but he was already closing the door. 

\--- 

"I'm so sorry Joseph, I ran into some trouble on the way here," you lied as you ran into the church. Truthfully, you had slept in after you stayed awake half the night, thinking about what happened between you and his brother. 

"Not to worry, my child," he said as he peered up from the pew. You noticed he was busy writing a sermon. "Things at the compound have been quiet, compared to other areas of the county. Tell me what happened this morning."

He patted the spot next to him, asking you to take a seat. You sat hesitantly and debated whether you should lie or not. When you glanced over at his warm smile, you knew you couldn't. 

"Truthfully, the trouble was that I slept in. I'm sorry... I should have been upfront." 

He patted your hand and nodded, "Well, I appreciate your honesty. Has my brother kept you up late again?" 

This was the first time Joseph had ever addressed what was happening but you figured he suspected by the way John stared at you during service and the one time he pulled you behind the church, promising Joseph wouldn't hear. When you saw Joseph's face later on, you knew he was fully aware of what had happened. 

"Well... not in the sense that you're referring to," you stumbled, not sure how to word it. "He's angry with me. I may have said something that bruised his ego a bit." 

Joseph leaned back in the pew and set his book down next to him. He gazed off at the wall behind the alter, sitting for a minute in silence. 

"A man's ego is a fragile thing but it's not your responsibility to make him happy. I hope he didn't hurt you," he said as he turned back to you and ran a palm against your cheek. You leaned into it, appreciating the gentle way he always touched you. 

"No, he's never hurt me," you assured him. 

"Good," he said quickly, releasing his hand. "I would never want any harm to come to you. You are my breath of fresh air and I need you in one piece." 

You smiled widely at him, loving the way he treated you. He was kind to all of the followers on his compound but he always seemed to gravitate towards you. You weren't sure if that was intentional or not. 

"Father, can I ask you something? It's kind of awkward." 

"Of course," he said as he leaned in closer, giving you his full attention. 

"It's just about John... I guess you know about us, well there is no 'us' it's just..." you paused, unsure if you should continue. 

"Sex," he finished for you. 

"Yes," you took in a deep breath and turned your gaze to meet his eyes. "Why aren't you angry?" 

"If I were, I'd be a hypocrite. I've given into lust myself, more than I should have. I have the scars on my body to prove it, not once but twice..." he said, referring to his carvings of the word lust. "It's something that most people struggle with because it is so primal in nature. I don't question my brother's judgement and perhaps it's God's plan to bring you to him. I've preached to him for longer than I can remember to give himself over to love rather than wrath and maybe this is His way of making it so. If it brings some peace to John, how can I be angry?" 

You nodded and told him you should get to work, deciding it was best to leave the conversation there before you mentioned Jacob.


	2. Chapter 2

It was Sunday morning, time for the Father's weekly service. He had more throughout the week but this was the one that every made sure to attend. You stood at the gates of the compound as people flocked in, talking to a few as they went by and waving at others. 

When the the trail of followers started to turn to a trickle, you decided to head inside to grab a seat before the other brothers arrived. Joseph always made a point of entering the church last with his family close behind. 

You searched around and found a completely empty pew in the back row; everyone was always so anxious to get close to Joseph at the front alter. You plunked down, setting your rifle next to you and straightened your legs out under the pew in front of you, stretching your tired muscles. A moment later, the doors opened and Joseph entered, walking slowly down the aisle, greeting people as he went. Faith was of course at his side, nearly floating on air. 

You turned back to the doors, waiting for John and Jacob to arrive. Jacob was the first, walking confidently to his seat, never giving a glance to anyone. When you watched John follow behind, your jaw dropped. He walked slowly into the church with a warm smile to anyone he passed, with Holly on his arm. You immediately bit the inside of your cheek, forcing yourself not to swear. He had never done this before and you knew exactly why he chose to today. Fucker. 

Everyone took their seats again as Joseph addressed the congregation, getting right into his sermon. You tried paying attention but after a minute, you had to give in and glance up front at the lovebirds. You stared a hole into the back of John's head, hoping he'd feel some sort of discomfort but ultimately, you got the attention of the wrong brother. Jacob turned, scanning the crowd until his eyes met yours. Without a word, he stood from his designated pew and walked to the back of the church to sit next to you. You glanced up at Joseph who was now giving him a questioning look. 

"You haven't been around," he whispered from next to you, keeping his attention on the front of the church, pretending to listen. You knew Jacob wasn't a big believer in this stuff and was only here for his brother's benefit, same as every other week. 

"Things are busy with the deputy," you told him. You followed Jacob's lead and kept your eyes on Joseph. 

"Mmm," Jacob agreed. He stretched out his arm over the back of the pew and tickled your shoulder with his fingertips. "Still, I miss you." 

You looked up at him to see him grin down at you and knew he didn't mean you as a person but rather the sex. Truthfully, you missed it too. John kept you busy but being with Jacob was always so different. He could be rough like John and usually wanted control but he always held back a bit for your sake, making sure he didn't hurt you and he'd never think to leave you unfulfilled like John recently had. He always made a point of getting you off and seemed to take pride in it. 

"You know where I live," you whispered back. 

"I didn't know I was invited. I don't want to step on any toes afterall," he said quietly as he nodded up front to John who was now glancing back every couple minutes at you. 

"He's got backups apparently," you said, a little too loud. You quieted your voice again. "If you're free tonight, I'll be home." 

Jacob pulled his arm from the back of the pew and wrapped it around you fully, pulling you a bit closer. "Want to make him jealous?" 

You smiled up at him, his expression was a mirror of your own. Jacob loved messing with John, which surprised you at first but then again, a lot of what the brothers did when people weren't around surprised you. They were pretty normal at times. 

Finally, you nodded at Jacob. You loved getting under John's skin too and it was so easy to do. Normally you just enjoyed a bit of harmless teasing but if he was going to play this childish game with you, you could too. 

Jacob kept his arm around you for the remainder of the service. You watched John continuously check on you out of the corner of your eye, feeling satisfied with yourself already. When Joseph wrapped things up, Jacob told you to follow him to his truck. Normally the Seeds would leave first and stand at the door, speaking with the followers as they exited but Jacob always took the opportunity to leave unnoticed while the rest of them were busy. You waited for Joseph to leave first and then Jacob pulled you out of the pew by your hand and outside, leading you across the dirt driveway to his truck. He opened the door but before he got in, he turned back to you. 

"See you around 8:00. You better be naked and spread eagle on that bed for me when I get there," he told you. 

"I'll see what I can do," you smiled up at him, feeling a shiver work its way through your body. 

"Come here," he said as he pulled you to him and placed his lips on yours gently. 

His hand came up to brush the hair from the side of your face, resting on the back of your head. After a few long seconds, he pulled away and winked at you before he climbed up into the truck and took off. You took a second to watch his truck leave, feeling the corners of your lips lift. Placing your fingers over your lips absentmindedly, you turned back to the church to see the followers now outside and crowding around Joseph. He and Faith were shaking hands and embracing people while John stood to the side, staring at you darkly. You smiled back at him before leaving for your post. 

\---

The rest of the day was relatively quiet but then again, most days were with the exception of the attempted arrest. The other followers definitely saw more action than you did and even though you tried to convince Joseph that you would serve him better elsewhere, he refused to let you leave. When your replacement arrived shortly after 7:00, you left without saying good bye to Joseph and headed for your cabin. The day had dragged on and you were tired and hungry at this point. 

When you got inside, you made yourself a sandwich and then brushed your teeth and hair. By the time you were done, it was getting close to 8:00 and you knew Jacob would be arriving soon. You thought of his words earlier, feeling ridiculous to just lay there naked and waiting for him so you chose to stay clothed but remove your boots at least. 

Sure enough, right at 8:00 you heard the sound of Jacob's truck pull around the side of the cabin and the sound of him walking up the stairs in his heavy hunting boots. He didn't bother to knock before entering. 

"Manners, Jake," you reminded him from your stool at the tiny counter in one corner of your two room cabin; one housed your bed and a kitchen collectively and the other, your bathroom. 

He looked around your room briefly, taking in the details. It was his first time actually inside your home. When he was done, his eyes went to you, looking you over. 

"I thought I gave you instructions to be naked," he said as he crossed the distance between you and picked you up effortlessly from your seat. 

You squealed in delight as he smacked your ass through your jeans and tossed you on the bed. He was on top of you in seconds, crushing his lips to yours. 

"You know I don't follow orders very well," you told him when his lips finally left yours and trailed down to your neck roughly. 

"Sometimes you do," he said, referring to his orders during sex of course. "Are you going to be a good girl for me?" 

You nodded up enthusiastically; you loved when he talked like that. Jacob and John both knew you loved to be praised and reassured during sex and Jacob especially made a point of adding it in for your benefit.

"Good, now take those off," he said as he pushed up from between your legs, still kneeling between them as he removed his shirt and got to work on his pants. 

You did as he asked and took your clothes off quickly. By the time he was done with his, you were completely bare in front of him. 

"Fuck, you are absolutely beautiful," he said as he gazed down your body, cupping a hand around his cock and pulling on it roughly. "Are you going to let me eat that perfect pussy of yours?" 

"Please," you said softly between heavy breaths. You spread your legs out, giving him better access. 

After a few more strokes, Jacob dropped his hand from around his member and bent down between your legs. He kissed up your thighs and up and down your folds, always teasing you before he dove in. You wriggled under him, unsure how long you could let this go on before you grabbed his head and forced him in there. 

"God, you taste good," he said as he finally pushed the tip of his tongue to your clit. 

His touch was so light but you knew he'd work his way into it. Jacob knew the exact recipe to get you there quickly and it always involved teasing.

"Harder please," you begged, bucking your hips against him. 

"Be patient," he scolded, lightening his movements again as a punishment for your impatience. 

Gently, he inserted a finger at your entrance, gauging your readiness. When he realized how wet you were, he slid in another. You moaned above him, gripping the sheets at your side as you felt him finally press his tongue against you harder and faster. He picked the perfect rhythm as he worked away at you, tongue and fingers everywhere. It didn't take long for you to feel yourself reaching your peak. 

Every second that went by added to the build up and when you finally came, it was intense. Your thighs clenched around Jacob's head as you came loudly, calling his name. 

"Jesus, woman," he choked out as he finally freed himself from your clutches. 

"Sorry," you muttered, still feeling the aftermath of his actions. "You're just so good at that." 

Jacob grinned down at you, appreciating your praises for his abilities. He dropped down suddenly on top of you and lifted your legs, letting you wrap them around him. Without warning, his cock was in you, sliding in slowly and gently at first but then picking up speed. 

"You take that so well, don't you?" he said into your ear, bringing a moan from your lips. "That's it sweetheart, keep pushing up like that." 

Bringing your legs around him tighter, you swayed your hips with his, meeting him stroke for stroke. His speed had picked up as he thrust into your harder and harder, letting you know he was close to cumming. When his movements became out of rhythm, you moved his face to yours and kissed him deeply, letting him groan against your lips as he came deep. 

"Fuck, you always get me there too quick," he said, half scolding you. You smiled up at him innocently as he gave you one last kiss and rolled to the bed next to you. 

"Are you going to come visit more often?" you asked after you had both laid there for a minute, catching your breath. 

He turned on his side and brought his eyes to yours, stroking your hair. "Just try to stop me." 

You reminded yourself about your rule regarding affection after sex and thought about pulling away from his caress but decided to just give in. Jacob was exactly what you needed right now and if this could get him to stay a little longer, you'd stay still and let him touch you. Truthfully, you had missed him and the easy way you spent time together. There was never jealousy or childish games like there was with John; just peace. 

You brought your hand up to trace his bottom lip, watching his expression at your touch. You knew all of these boys were touch starved in their own way and it was interesting to see their reactions when they were given even the slightest bit of attention. You decided to indulge him and place a palm to his cheek, watching him lean into your touch. 

"I needed this more than you know," you told him as you brought your fingers through his beard and down his neck and chest, resting over his heart. 

"Me too," he said as he placed his hand over yours and leaned down to kiss you again. 

"Do you have to go?" you asked when he pulled away from your lips. 

"I have to get back but I'll see you soon," he assured you, pulling away reluctantly. 

You smiled and nodded as he threw his clothes back on and laced up his boots. You stood and walked him to the door, still naked. He turned before he left and looked you over one last time. 

"Night, pup" he said as he opened the door and left you exposed in the night air. 

You waved after him and closed the door, suddenly feeling a wave of loneliness wash over you.


	3. Chapter 3

"Morning Joseph," you greeted as you walked by the church, waving in as you passed. 

"Good morning," he said back but then noticed it was you. "Do you have a moment?" 

You backtracked and nodded as you stepped into the church and sat beside him. He spent a lot of time in here throughout the day, either writing his sermons or "speaking with God". 

After you leaned your rifle against the pew in front of you, you turned to Joseph to give him your full attention. He smiled at you but it didn't touch his eyes in the way it normally did. 

"Did you enjoy the service yesterday?" he asked, placing his hand over yours as he normally did. Joseph was always much more touchy feely than his siblings. 

"Yes, I'm glad you didn't shy away from what is happening with the deputy when you spoke. It's best to keep everyone aware," you added, hoping that would give him the impression that you were actually listening. 

"Yes, transparency is best. In every case, don't you agree?" 

"I think so. I definitely prefer it, I hate questioning someone's motives," you agreed. 

His smile brightened at your words and he inched in a bit closer to you, placing his other hand next to his first and tracing your knuckles with his fingertips. 

"I saw Jacob sitting next to you yesterday," he said but didn't add anything further.

"He was just keeping me company," you said shyly. You wouldn't normally care what anyone thought of you but with Joseph it was different. You always felt like a disappointment to him when you sinned. 

"And the kiss?" he asked. You didn't think he had seen that. 

"Oh... I..." you moved your gaze away from his and looked to the floor, unsure what to tell him. 

Joseph leaned down so you were forced to look back up at him and gave you a quick smile. 

"It's okay," he said. "You're making my brothers exceptionally happy, I can tell. I'm not here to judge you, I only wanted to understand." 

"Thank you," you said quietly. You weren't sure what else to say. 

"When you came to us, I knew there was another reason for you being here; that's why I keep you close. To say that I haven't had the same thoughts about you as my brothers have would be a lie." 

You were taken back at his words, it honestly never dawned on you that he felt that way and even though he admitted it, it still didn't feel right. 

"Joseph, I'm not sure if I understand..." 

"You know the biggest sin God has tempted me with in life is lust... I've tried so desperately to reject it but the feelings I get when I see you... and somehow knowing you share a closeness with my brothers but not me, just drives my desire higher," he said so softly you almost couldn't hear him. You watched as he leaned forward and stopped within inches of your face. 

You had honestly never thought of Joseph in that way. He was so wholesome, or at least he tried to portray that and he was unique from his brothers. John and Jacob were different from each other as well but they were both vulgar in their own way and it didn't surprise you when they seduced you but with Joseph, it seemed unnatural somehow. You thought of him more as a friend or even family, more than anything. 

"I didn't know you felt that way. If I'm doing anything to cause this, please just tell me. I never meant to tempt you." 

"Don't apologize, this is entirely my fault. I just felt telling you was the right thing to do. I don't expect you to reciprocate but if you ever..." he stopped and let his words hang heavy in the air. 

Before you knew what he was doing, he leaned in to you quickly and pressed his lips to yours. Even though he had forced it, his kiss was soft and sweet, and you found yourself unable to push away from him. 

As he parted your lips with his tongue, one hand rested on the back of your head and the other at your side, creeping up as he deepened his kiss. As much as you wanted to think you were doing this for his benefit, you felt a warmth run through your body and quicken your pace. You moved your hand to his cheek to run your fingers through his patchy beard. 

"My sweet one," he murmured into your lips. "I can't." 

He pushed away suddenly and was on his feet before you could protest. He held his hands up in front of him and stared at them, a look of sadness filling his eyes. 

"I'm so sorry," he said once he noticed you standing. "I should have shown restraint." 

"I'm sorry too," you told him, wanting to touch his hand but figuring you shouldn't under the circumstances. "I'll give you some space." 

He nodded in agreement and you took your leave, feeling more confused than ever. 

\---

That night, you weren't expecting any visitors so you decided to take a long walk through the woods behind your home. A path had been beaten into the earth, presumably from people walking through but as long as you had lived here, you had never seen anyone. The path lead through a large field which was always ripe with deer and easy to pick off with your rifle. You weren't a fan of venison but Jacob always appreciated it. At the end of the path there was the tiniest pond where you would fish on uneventful days. Tonight you decided to just let your toes dip into the cold water and eat your dinner outside. 

The events of the day had left you shaken to say the least. You couldn't possibly end up sleeping with three men but it was sure looking that way. Part of you wondered what people would think but then the other part really didn't care. Men slept around all the time and no one batted an eye so why should you be any different. 

"Fuck..." you sighed as you finished your meal and stuffed the container back in your backpack. When you opened the bag, you heard someone calling to you on the radio that was buried at the bottom of your bag. 

"Hello? I'm here," you responded, not quite making out the voice on the other end. 

"Where are you? I'm at your door." 

You groaned when you realized it was John. You were still pretty angry with him for being so petty but you couldn't admit that to him or that you weren't ready to see him yet either. The anger was so close to the surface that you knew it would only end badly. 

"I'm obviously not home," you answered. 

You listened for a minute while you were sure he was either swearing or throwing something on the other end of the radio. When he came back to you, he sounded eerily calm, "I know that." 

"Well, I'm busy. What do you want?" 

"I know you're not with Jacob if that's what you're trying to hint at. You're close by aren't you?" he hissed into the phone. You knew his patience was wearing thin. 

"For fuck's sake, unbunch your panties. I'll be there in five." 

You turned the radio off completely, not wanting to hear anything more from him. As you pulled your toes from the water, you took your time drying them and putting your boots back on. He could wait a little longer. 

When you finally crested the hill towards your cabin, you saw John leaning against your door with his arms crossed. He looked fired up but that was okay, you were ready to argue if you had to. 

"I'm here," you called to him when he didn't notice you approaching. 

He dropped his hands and straightened up when saw you but didn't move from his spot. You assumed it was a controlling move on his part, forcing you to come to him. 

"Where were you?" he asked again. 

"Out for a walk. What's so urgent?" you asked as you pushed past him and unlocked the door. You both made your way inside. 

"I wanted to see you," he said simply. 

You dropped your rifle and backpack on the counter and took a seat, bringing your attention back to John. 

"Bullshit, just say what you need to say," you said impatiently. "Or let me guess... is this about Jacob again?"

"I know what you were trying to do..." 

"Same thing you were trying to do maybe?" you spat. "You're such a fucking child sometimes." 

Of course, John's expression darkened at that. He stepped towards you quickly and stood about two inches from your face but you didn't blink an eye. Some people may be intimidated by him but you definitely weren't one of them. 

"I don't owe you an explanation," he said between his teeth. You noticed his breath smelled vaguely of cigarettes. You always hated when he smoked.

"I don't need an explanation, I know you're fucking her. She probably lets you do everything I won't too, doesn't she? All while keeping that innocent look on her face." 

John put his hands on your shoulders suddenly, squeezing the skin. He stared through you but didn't say anything for a long moment. Finally, he released you and spun around to walk to the other side of the room. You noticed his hands were clenched at his sides. 

"This whole thing is out of control... we promised there would be no jealousy but here it is, isn't it? And you know, if it was because you cared about me, then I wouldn't mind it but it's not... it's because you see me as a possession and you don't want to share. You're the most hypocritical and selfish person I've ever met," you blurted out, unable to stop yourself. "It needs to end... all of this." 

You waved a hand between the two of you, letting him know you really meant whatever this arrangement was. He stared at you in disbelief for a minute but then his eyes turned to fire, piercing into yours. You saw him clench his jaws beneath his beard as he turned and walked out the door without another word, slamming the door loudly behind him. 

Yep, definitely a manchild...


	4. Chapter 4

The next week was boring and uneventful. John hadn't come back to see you and Joseph was avoiding you like the plague. Jacob was busy with his new pet deputy so he didn't have time for you either but he did radio you to check in once at least. 

It was Sunday morning yet again, much to your dismay. That meant all of the Seeds, aka all your problems, would be under one roof with you trapped under it with them. 

You took your normal seat at the back of the church and waited for everyone to show up. It was much the same as the previous week, with the family piling in after their followers. The only difference was Holly wasn't with John. You scanned the room to see her in one of the front pews, looking at John sadly. You wondered what that look was for. Maybe she was just tired of having to put up with John's insatiable sexual appetite on her own for once. 

Everyone sat down when Joseph instructed them to. You struggled between zoning out and trying your best not to look up front to John but it proved harder than you thought. When your gaze shifted back to his seat, he was already looking back at you. You glanced away quickly but something in his eyes drew you back; they were almost pleading. You watched him for a minute as he stuck out his bottom lip in a playful pout and you knew his anger was gone. You forced yourself to look back to Joseph and listen to his sermon, welcoming the distraction. 

When the sermon was done, you broke the typical custom of allowing Joseph to exit first and bolted before he had a chance to take a step into the aisle. There were enough people at the compound today that you could slip off easily and go back home. That was the thing with Joseph's compound; most of the people who actually guarded it were there 24/7, refusing to leave him unprotected. There really wasn't a need for you to be there and though you normally showed up and stayed the same amount of hours daily, it wasn't like anyone had ever put you on that schedule. You were more than welcome to leave whenever you wanted. 

When you got home, you locked the door behind you and slid down the wall next to it, resting on the floor. You hadn't had a bout of anxiety like that in so long but seeing John again had made you so nervous and you weren't sure why. You pictured his pouting face again and knew he was only trying to get back to your good graces so he could get back in your bed. Awhile ago, John had accidentally slipped that Holly was a bore to sleep with and you wondered at the time if it was true or not. Maybe that was the reason why he was so eager. 

As you drifted between thoughts, there was a sudden knock on the door, scaring the shit out of you. You jumped but stayed on the floor, unsure if you should open it. You waited to see if whoever was there would leave and then you could peek through your curtains to see who it was, deciding whether you'd open up then. 

After a few minutes, the knock came again; this time it was louder and more impatient. You suddenly had a feeling who it was. Pressing your head back against the wall, you let out a low groan. 

"Open up," John said from the other side. You could tell he was getting impatient already which was even more reason to avoid him. 

Another couple minutes went by and even though you listened for his truck to start back up, you didn't hear anything.

"Where are you?" you heard him call to you over the radio. 

You fumbled for your backpack, grabbing your radio and turning it off quickly. Even with the radio silenced, you could hear him through the door, calling for you again. After a few more minutes, you heard a loud bang at the door and watched as it shook on its hinges. To your relief, shortly after his truck started up and you listened as he finally drove away. 

\---

The next day after the service, you didn't see Joseph but on the second day, he managed to flag you down and call you over to the church. 

"Joseph," you greeted when you approached. "I feel like I haven't seen you in so long." 

Truthfully, it had been almost a week and you were starting to miss his calm nature in your otherwise chaotic life. Your thoughts at night lately had always turned to Joseph and Jacob... and of course John, though you hated to admit it. You worried about where they were and what they were doing. You missed them all and knowing it probably wasn't mutual was painful at times. 

"It's been some time," he said softly. "I've missed you, though I've tried not to." 

"Really?" you asked, trying to hold back your emotion. You really didn't have any family other than these damn Seeds and you liked knowing you meant something to at least one of them. Joseph nodded at your question. "I've missed you too." 

You pushed into his arms then, aware that it was crossing boundaries but not really caring. You rested your head against his chest as he ran a hand down your back. 

"You're troubled, what is it?" he asked. You weren't sure if he was really psychic or just perceptive but he had a talent for reading people. 

"I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed lately, it's nothing really," you said as you bit your lip and looked back at him. 

Joseph pulled his hand back and ran it down your cheek, caressing you with his soft fingertips. His hand eventually ran down to your neck and he wrapped his hand around your throat lightly.

"God, forgive me," he whispered as he leaned down and kissed you again. 

This time it wasn't as gentle, his lips were rough and needy. You pushed back against him, causing his fingers to tighten on your throat slightly, bringing a gasp from your lips. 

You both stood wrapped up in each other for a long time, enjoying your kiss. Joseph's hands were all over your body but always in a respectful way. When you both came up for air, he shook his head slightly. 

"I have to send you away," he said sadly as he kissed your cheek and pulled away. 

"Away? Because of this?" you asked, dumbfounded. 

"No, no... It's nothing you've done," he said as he caressed your cheek again. "Things are falling apart in the Valley. John's requested some backup so I'm sending a few people to his ranch to offer additional protection."

"Couldn't you send someone else? I thought you wanted me here." 

Joseph let his hands fall and took a seat in one of the pews next to you. He motioned for you to join him but you chose to stand.

"I do, but John's asked... well, I think it may be better for us to distance ourselves for a bit, until I can... control myself." 

You nodded in response and told him you'd pack up and head down right away. He stood and gave you one final needy kiss before you left, leaving you wanting more. 

\---

"He's sending me to the Valley," you told Jacob over your radio as you drove back to your cabin to pack. 

"He could send someone else," he said. 

"No, he cut himself off but I'm sure he was going to say John requested me specifically. And we all know John gets whatever the fuck he wants," you scoffed. 

"Trouble in paradise?" 

"We're done. Whatever arrangement we had, I ended it," you told him. You were surprised John hadn't told him. He was the one who let it spill about the two of you in the first place to Jacob. 

There was a long pause for a minute and then Jacob came back, "Are you home?" 

"Almost. I need to pack and then I'm taking off for who knows how long. I guess I won't see you anytime soon," you said sadly. 

"Sit tight, I'm coming to you," he said quickly. 

You placed the radio down on the seat next to you and drove the rest of the way with a smile plastered on your face.


	5. Chapter 5

You were almost done your packing when he heard a knock on the door. After John's visit the other night, you chose to lock it going forward.

"Jacob?" you called through the door, just in case. 

"Yeah, it's me," he called back.

You opened the door quickly as he barreled through and grabbed you in an embrace, picking you up in the process. You wrapped your legs around his waist for leverage as he crushed his lips to yours. 

"What's all this about?" you asked as he walked you to the countertop and sat you down on top of it, keeping a hand on your legs to let you know he didn't want you to move. 

"You don't think I was going to let you go without saying goodbye, do you?" he asked, peering down at you. 

"I was hoping you wouldn't but I know you're busy," you said as you placed a kiss on his neck. "I'll get to see you when you visit John you know?" 

"I'm sure he would love to know I was fucking you in the next room too..." 

You laughed at that, thinking of temperamental little John, sitting there gritting his teeth while you screamed Jacob's name for everyone to hear. 

"No," Jacob said, knowing what you were thinking. 

"Fine," you sighed as you pushed him aside and jumped down from the counter. "Why are you still dressed by the way?" 

He grinned at you and grabbed at your shirt but you wriggled out of his grasp and waved a finger down the length of him, indicating he would have to strip first. He rolled his eyes but finally lifted his shirt. You kept your eyes on him the entire time, drinking in the sight of him. 

"Your turn," he said. 

"Nope, not this time. You first and then I'll strip for you," you told him, placing your hands on your hips. 

He acted like he was upset but you knew he liked when you pushed back; he liked strong women afterall. After he pulled the rest of his clothes off, he took a seat at the edge of your bed, waiting for you to fulfill your promise. 

Normally you would feel self conscious to be on display like this but Jacob always made you feel so desirable. You hadn't even touched him yet and he was already fully erect just at the thought of seeing you. 

Not wanting him to leave too soon, you took your time and started with your socks and then your pants, unbuttoning them and pulling them down slowly. You took in Jacob's hungry expression before you continued. Next came your shirt, just as slowly and then your bra. You took the time to pull down each strap slowly and then unclasped the back, holding the cups up to your breasts for a moment. 

When Jacob brought his hand up to his cock, you finally let your bra drop to the floor and watched as he moved his fingers down the length of it. You smiled at him and turned around, grabbing at the waistband of your panties and leaning over without bending your knees, dragging them to the floor and stepping out of them. When you peeked over your shoulder at Jacob, he was stroking faster, biting his lower lip. 

"Save some for me," you said as you walked towards him and nodded down at his hand. 

"All yours," he said as he removed his hand and leaned back on his elbows. 

You dropped immediately to your knees and brought your lips to him, kissing the head of his cock softly. Jacob moaned above you. 

"That's my girl," he purred, bringing up a hand and stroking your hair. 

You kissed him a few more times before you pulled away and ran your tongue from his balls and back up to the tip a few times. The last time, when you got to the top of his shaft, you parted your lips and pushed down the full length of him until you felt him touch the back of your throat. 

"Fuck," he groaned above you as you felt his cock twitch between your lips. You raised your eyes to his, watching his expression change to one of pure pleasure. "You're so good at that." 

You gave him a quick smile and got back to work, sucking away at him until he pulled you back. 

"Not yet," he instructed, pulling you up to your feet and letting you crawl up the bed as he scooted up towards the pillows with you. "What does my girl want?" 

You thought about that for a minute, knowing he would do anything you asked of him and where it was your last night together for who knows how long, you were glad he was letting you call the shots. 

"Or do you want me to guess?" he asked, interrupting your thoughts. 

"Yes, let's see how well you know me. What do you think?" you asked, genuinely curious if he would know. 

"First, you would want me to do this," he said as he grabbed your hips and flipped you over on your stomach. He positioned himself behind you and pulled your hips up from the bed so that you were on all fours. 

"Good start," you said truthfully. This wasn't your favorite position with everyone but Jacob was so rugged, it only seemed fitting for him to fuck you in such a primal way. 

"But you wouldn't want me to start right away..." he trailed off. "Keep your eyes forward for me." 

You did as he asked, watching the wall in front of you, jumping when his hand came down hard on your ass. You grinned as you pushed your face into the pillow. He had definitely been paying attention all these months. 

When he stopped, you swayed your hips slightly until he slapped you again, and then again. Each time was a little harder but in between, he stopped to gently massage the reddened skin. It was a perfect combination. 

"I don't even feel right about this, you've been such a good girl," he said as he finally dropped his hand and bent down to kiss your reddened skin. 

"I love when you say that," you told him, not so subtly reminding him of what you liked. 

"I know you do," he said against your skin as he pushed his mouth to your pussy, reaching his tongue to your clit. He had never done this from such an intrusive angle before but it felt incredible. 

As he flicked against you, you felt one of his hands reach up and squeeze at the spot he had just assaulted, rubbing it gently and then coming down again with a snap of his palm. You jumped forward slightly but Jacob pushed forward with you, never taking his mouth off of you for a second. When he felt your body start to tense against him, he slid two fingers into you and thrust sharply, pulling your orgasm from you. 

You laughed when he eventually pulled away and you looked over your shoulder to see his beard glistening. He reached up with the back of his hand and wiped at his mouth before he reached down again and grabbed your hips roughly, centering himself quickly and sinking into you. 

"God, that fits so well in there," he said, commenting on your tightness. "You know I don't like sharing you, don't you?" 

You turned to see his face then, surprised by his words. He had never said that to you before and you didn't think it was ever a problem. Truthfully, you were sure you had been sharing him with who knows how many women and maybe you were, but it wasn't your place to ask. 

"Jake, stop for a sec," you asked him, unsure how to proceed. His words had really rattled you. 

"Baby, squeeze for me," he said, pumping away at you and ignoring your request. 

You watched him for a second but then decided to do as he asked. You clenched your walls around him tightly, hearing him growl behind you as he spilled into you. He bucked his hips for a second longer before he pulled out and plunked down on the bed next to you. You turned to your back and laid there watching him. 

"Give me a couple minutes," he said, thinking you wanted more. 

"No, it's not that. Just... why didn't you tell me you didn't want me with..." you stopped, figuring you shouldn't mention his brother's name right after you had sex. 

Jacob turned to face you with a look of regret on his face before he offered an explanation, "You're allowed to do whatever you want, I didn't mean that." 

"But it does bother you..." 

"Can we not talk about this right now?" he asked as he leaned over and kissed you as a way of shutting you up. 

You didn't say anything else but it was taking all your willpower not to. After you ended your kiss, Jacob looked back at you and sighed. He knew you'd keep quiet but that it was bothering you. 

"If I said I wasn't worried that you'd end this for someone else, I'd be lying," he explained. 

"I wouldn't end this though... I don't think you really understand what you mean to me. I mean, maybe I don't understand it either cause at first it was just sex but then I started to miss you when you weren't around and I actually look forward to seeing your dumb face now," you rambled. 

Jacob raised his eyebrows at you but didn't say anything else. You were never one for awkward silences so of course you continued, "I know you don't feel the same and that's fine, I promise, but I have... feelings for you. And as much as I hate to say it, I do for him too." 

"I know," he said. "And he and I do too... this isn't just about getting my dick wet, I could do that with anyone. Why do you think I keep coming back?" 

"I assumed you were using me for all the hunting I do for you," you teased, hoping to break down some of the seriousness in the air. 

Jacob chuckled and put a kiss to your forehead. "You need to tell John this too, he's going crazy and I'm tired of hearing him bitch."

You gave him a puzzled look; he had played stupid earlier when you told him you broke it off with John but now you figured that he was just giving you time to tell him yourself. 

"I didn't think you wanted to share?" 

"If it'll shut him up, I'm good with it," he said, laying back. "But no one else. Or I'll have to kill them." 

You pushed up from the bed and sat next to him, running your hands up and down his stomach and then his thighs, touching every inch of skin you could. 

"Well then the same goes for you," you told him, not really expecting him to go through with it. 

"It's only ever been you," he said as he reached up and slapped the side of your face playfully. "Now shut up and get on top."


	6. Chapter 6

After Jacob helped you pack up your truck, you took off for Holland Valley. It wasn't that far a drive and once you got through a couple road blocks, it was straight sailing to John's home. 

When you arrived, you noticed he had more guards than the last time you were here, though that had been quite awhile ago. John always met you at your cabin when you started your arrangement but never invited you back here. 

You parked around the side and looked around for people you may know; there were a couple at the far end of the property that you recognized but also a few that you didn't. As you pulled your bags out of the back of the truck and headed for the front door, you heard someone call your name. You looked around, but didn't see anyone until you looked up and saw John leaning over the railing, smiling down at you. He was wearing that damn blue shirt and vest you liked so much, knowing full well that you did. 

"Where do you want me?" you called up to him. He raised an eyebrow at you and gave your a devilish grin. You rolled your eyes and corrected yourself, "Which room do you have me set up in?" 

Most of the guards at the ranch lived in the Valley so they of course didn't live with John but where you had to travel so far, he was prepared to board you while you were helping out. You found it awfully convenient but didn't say as much to Joseph when he told you. 

"I'll be right down," he said, not answering your question. 

You waited for a few minutes when finally the front door opened and he waved you inside. As you crossed the threshold to his home, he reached out and grabbed one of your bags from you. 

"Thanks," you said quietly as you followed him through the house. 

He led you through the downstairs area and up a flight of stairs, bringing you to the end of the hall to your new room. It was conveniently located next to his. The coincidences were staggering, you groaned to yourself. 

"I don't expect you to do anything today, just unpack and relax," he told you once he dropped your bag on the floor outside your closet door. "I'll make us something for supper... anything you want?" 

You shook your head and continued to avoid eye contact with him, focusing instead on looking around the room. It was much smaller than John's room of course but it had a double bed and a large closet. One wall was adorned with sturdy looking bookcases, packed with all sorts of books and trinkets.

You were deep in thought, inspecting the details of your new home when you felt a set of hands rub down your arms from behind. Before you felt him, you recognized his scent; he always smelt so clean. 

"Talk to me," he said as he leaned into you and rested his chin on your shoulder. 

"There's nothing to say," you assured him. 

You hoped he would leave you alone after that, this whole thing was hard enough without him doing this but of course, John was stubborn and wouldn't do anything the easy way. He removed his hands from your arms but moved them down to wrap around your waist.

"You're angry," he said. 

"I'm not angry anymore," you told him truthfully. You could never stay mad at anyone for too long. "But I'm here to help you out, not for any other reason." 

He dropped his hands then and stepped back. When you turned around he had a strange look on his face. 

"I don't want this to be awkward," you told him. "We got along well before... whatever this was. I just want to go back to that." 

He nodded and forced a quick smile before telling you he was heading down to the kitchen. You offered to help but he politely refused your offer and left, leaving you to unpack. 

When he was out of sight, you dropped to the bed and let out a long puff of air. It had been harder to see him than you had hoped it would be and you prayed it wouldn't be this strained between you two the entire time. 

\---

After you unpacked your bags, you headed downstairs to find John cooking away. You sat at one of the stools next to the counter and inspected the burners; he had made steak and roasted potatoes. Of course he would make your favorite. 

"You sure I can't help with anything?" you asked again. 

"All done," he smiled back at you. You realized that the little sliver of the real John you had seen upstairs had now been pushed aside by this charming facade he always wore. You wondered why he felt the need to force it. "Doesn't take long when you like your steak that bloody."

"Rare is always the best," you said as he handed you a plate and placed his next to you on the counter, taking a seat within inches of you even though there was another stool to his left he could have used.

"What have you been up to?" he asked as he cut into the hunk of meat on his plate and nodded when the blood spilt out onto his potatoes.

You took a couple bites of your meal before you answered him, suddenly feeling like you were starving to death, "Not much. Just watching the same chain link fence I watch everyday of my life. This is amazing by the way." 

"Thanks," he said. " And aren't you glad you're here then? There's a lot more going on into he Valley, I guarantee you won't be bored." 

"I am actually," you said truthfully. 

Even though you couldn't touch him the way you wanted, it was still nice to be around him. Your thoughts went back to Jacob when he told you to open up about your feelings to his brother. At the time it sounded like a good idea but now that you were here, you weren't so sure. You guessed you'd have to wait to see if things improved between you. 

After you finished your meal and listened to John tell you about this terror of a deputy who was destroying his silos and roadblocks, you helped with the dishes and told him you were going to head upstairs. 

"Can I get you something for dessert or something to drink? We could sit by the fireplace?" he asked. 

"I'm kind of tired," you lied. "I'll see you in the morning okay?" 

He nodded reluctantly, "Night, kitten." 

You said goodnight and practically ran up the stairs, wishing he hadn't used your nickname so casually. Every second you spent with him was growing harder for you to resist but you knew you had to be strong. 

\--- 

A couple hours later, you heard footsteps coming up the stairs and sure enough, John poked his head in your room as he went by. 

"Still up?" he asked, looking you over. 

You had undressed and thrown on a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top but by the way he was staring at you, you may as well have been naked. 

"Yeah, I'm just reading on of your books. Hope that's okay?" 

"Sure," he agreed as he stepped into your room and sat on the bed next to you. "Do you mind?" 

"Well, you're already sitting down so..." you said to him sarcastically. 

He ignored your comment and reached up, placing a palm on your cheek. It was such an unusual thing for him to do that you recoiled slightly but then leaned back into him. 

"You know I've never begged for anything in my life, don't you?" he said. 

"That doesn't surprise me," you told him. "I know you're used to getting what you want." 

"Always," he said softly as his thumb ran down over your lips. "You are making it very difficult for me to get anything done lately." 

You smiled back at him in satisfaction. It was nice to know you weren't the only one who couldn't concentrate lately.

"John, please..." you pleaded, wanting him to stop but then losing your nerve. 

"You know where I am," he said and left the room as quickly as he had come in. 

No, John Seed would not beg but he had also never met anyone as stubborn as you.


	7. Chapter 7

The next day, you woke to find a note under your door from John. He said he was going to the bunker for a few days but to radio him if you needed him for any reason. 

You felt disappointment in one way but in another, it was relief to get some space. As much as you wanted to give in and roll around with him for a bit, you knew it was toxic. You couldn't stand the petty games and knew they wouldn't end; it was just easier this way. 

You grabbed your clothes and headed for the bathroom, showering and drying your hair with John's fancy blow dryer (cause of course he had one) and headed back for your room. As you got closer, you noticed John's bedroom door was still open. Curiosity got the better of you and you just knew you had to go poke around. After you peeked downstairs to make sure you were alone, you crept into his room and looked around. Everything was neat and tidy and nothing really stood out to you. You peeked in his closet to see the largest wardrobe you had ever laid eyes on and shoes tucked neatly below them. There were a couple boxes but when you pulled them down, they were mostly just papers and a couple photographs of people you didn't recognize. The only box that had anything of interest in it had a pair of thick metal handcuffs and two bundles of heavy rope. You nodded, agreeing that you had expected that and placed the box back where it came from. 

His dresser was full of clothes as well and a box of condoms that was three quarters full. He had never used them with you but that was because you were on birth control. You were glad when you realized he was using them with whoever else he was with. 

The more you searched, the more frustrated you got. You weren't sure what you had expected to find but this was just boring. The last place you searched was in his nightstand. Inside, you found a couple toiletries, a box of Kleenex, a hunting knife and a leather bound book that looked like a journal. When you flipped the cover open, you saw it was full of drawings... some of them were of tattoos he already wore. You knew John had done a lot of them himself, he was quite the artist, which really shouldn't surprise you since he was apparently good at most things. 

The next couple dozen pages were more of the same, just sketches and doodles. You were ready to put it down when something caught your eye as you flipped through the last half of the book. You searched for the picture for a minute, turning page by page until you found it. You stared in amazement at the detail of it; every curve and freckle, every wisp of hair and every line was there. You ran your hand over the face below you, marvelling in how much it looked like you. The only difference was she looked so much happier than you felt lately. 

You sat on the bed and traced your finger over your cheekbones and the hairpin curve of your upper lip. He had captured you so beautifully that it brought a lump to your throat. You forced yourself away from the portrait and flipped through the rest of the book slowly to find yours was the only face... no Holly, no other lovers, just you. 

You closed the book and set it back down in the drawer, feeling terrible for looking at something so personal. Peeking around the room, you were happy to see you had left nothing out of place and left to get to work, feeling a sudden longing for John and all his layers. 

\---

Five days passed before John came home. You were starting to think he was never coming back. When he pulled up the driveway, it was close to 9:00 at night and you were just sitting out on the balcony with a cup of mint tea. You stood and leaned over the balcony as he approached, making yourself known but not saying anything. 

John glanced up at you but didn't say anything either. A few minutes later, the outside door to the balcony opened and John sauntered through, taking a seat next to you. 

"Hey," you said softly, watching his face to see what kind of mood he would be in. You figured he would have to be in a somewhat good mood if he had come from the bunker. He would have gotten a lot of frustration out there, no doubt. 

"Hi," he said back, facing forward but turning his head against the back of the chair to look at you. "Miss me?" 

You thought about lying to him but the way you had been feeling lately, you knew you wouldn't be able to pull it off. "Yes..." 

His eyes widened the slightest bit at your confession but he didn't say anything as he studied your face. 

"Holly came by while you were gone," you told him. She had been there the day after he left, wanting to talk. 

John nodded but again, he didn't speak. You chose to turn away from him and look to the stars, giving yourself some sort of distraction. You wanted to say so much to him and truthfully, you were ready to but now that he was being so quiet, you weren't sure it was the best time. You glanced back at him to see if he was still there, he was so silent. When you did, he was still facing you. 

"What?" you asked. 

"Nothing." 

"You're making me self conscious, what is it?" you asked him again. 

"I just enjoy looking at you," he said casually but didn't move his eyes. 

"Why do you have to be so difficult? I'm trying my best to distance myself from you, you know." 

He smiled slightly, "I'm aware." 

You stood and picked up your cup from the spot at your feet and told him you were going to bed. You noticed he got up and followed you in but didn't turn to look at him, expecting him to go back downstairs or maybe to his room. But when you tried to close your bedroom door, he was already two steps inside your room, closing it for you. 

"Say what you need to," he said. "You'll feel better." 

You sighed heavily, knowing he was right before you gave in, "I regret ever having slept with you. All of this... it was honestly a mistake for me. To think I could get so close to someone and not grow feelings for them was just so naive." 

You stopped and took a moment to regroup you thoughts, leaning against your dresser and staring at the floor. John didn't speak, giving you time to finish. 

"You can be such an ass sometimes and I don't understand it. Everything is a double standard for you and I'm not allowed to be upset by it but somehow you can. Do you see why that would be frustrating?" 

"I told Holly I don't want to see her anymore," he said, literally ignoring everything you had just said. 

"Then you're going to get really blue cause I'm not changing my mind on this," you told him. 

He stepped towards you, closing the distance and placing a hand on either side of you, against the wall. His face was an inch from yours. 

"Yes, you will," he said confidently. 

"John..." you tried to protest but he cut you off. 

"I don't care if you're with my brother anymore," he said quietly. 

You gazed into his blue eyes, feeling a familiar stir. Every inch of your body was screaming for you to shut up and just give in already but you still needed answers. 

"What changed?"

"Does it matter?" he asked. His lips were so close you could almost feel them. 

"It does but I know you won't tell me," you sighed. "John, you are by far the most frustrating person I've ever met." 

"But you're not telling me to leave," he commented smugly. You hated that he was right. 

You watched him for a moment, wrestling with your emotions. All you wanted to do was jump him but he didn't give you any indication that he was going to change at all, other than he wasn't doing Holly anymore but you weren't sure why.

"Please leave," you whispered against his lips. 

"That's not what I want to hear," he said, inching closer and pressing his lips feather light against yours. 

You melted into him, ashamed at your lack of self control but enjoying the feeling of his soft lips against yours once again. He pulled back the slightest bit but you pushed back against him again, kissing him harder this time. That's all the permission he needed... before you knew what was happening, he was pulling your clothing off with a look of our determination on his face. Once he got your shirt and bra off, his lips were on your breasts within a second. 

"So beautiful," he whispered into your skin as he took a nipple between his teeth and the other between his fingers, squeezing roughly. 

You let out a whine at the sudden pain but didn't push back. John peeked up at you from his task and flashed you a smile before bringing his mouth back to you again. 

"Can we go to the bed?" you asked as the handle from the dresser started to dig into your back painfully. 

John stood without a word and let you move past him. Before you laid down, you shimmied out of your pants. 

"And..." he said, looking down at your panties. 

You did as he asked and took them off, throwing them in his direction. 

"And..." you mimicked, raising an eyebrow at him. 

Quickly, John removed his own clothing. You drank in every second he spent unbuttoning and pulling at the fabric but when he finally pulled his boxers down, the sight of his cock bouncing free was what set you over the edge. You knew there was no going back for you now. You sat up and grabbed his hands when he approached the bed and pulled him down on top of you as you laid back. 

"So eager," he grinned as you wrapped your legs around him and waited for him to enter you. 

You leaned up and kissed him roughly, not wanting to waste your words when all you wanted was to feel him close again. As your tongues entangled, you finally felt him slip in, stretching you in the process. You both moaned in unison at the feeling of it. 

Surprisingly, John wasn't hammering away at you roughly tonight like he normally did, nor was he grabbing your wrists or your throat... he was surprisingly gentle with your body and it was a welcomed change. As you moved together, you pulled him closer, never letting your lips leave his. He tried pulling away to whisper your praises like he normally did but you wouldn't give him long enough to before you were pulling him back again.

"I missed you," you finally said when he forced his lips away and started on your neck. "I hate to admit that." 

"Me too," he admitted before he started sucking at your skin again, sending a shiver through your body. 

"Is this just sex for you?" you asked. You knew it wasn't the right time but you couldn't hold back anymore. 

John gave you a quick bite on the shoulder before pulling back to answer you, "No." 

Without another word, he thrust into you harder, bringing a low moan from your lips. He smiled at that and continued to push into you, a bit harder each time. 

"Be a good girl and cum for me," he said as he pulled away from your kisses and focused on the task. 

You knew his one word answer was all you were going to get from him but you were fine with that. You smiled back at him and moved your hips sharply against his. 

"Yes, just like that," he panted, appreciating your effort. 

Hearing the little noises he made when he was getting close was enough to set you over the edge and you held on to John tightly as your orgasm came, slowly at first but then more powerful. You threw your head back into the pillow and moaned his name into the back of your hand. 

"Oh, kitten," he said breathlessly. As he came against you, he leaned down and kissed you hard. 

You smiled back up at him as you felt his body relax on top of yours and held him to you, not willing to let him go just yet. You thought for sure he would pull away and dress quickly like he normally did but instead he rested his head on your shoulder as you stroked his hair, legs still wrapped around his hips. 

"You didn't really need backup did you?" you asked him. 

He shook his head but didn't say anything, letting you continue to run a hand through his hair and over his shoulders. 

You sighed, having your suspicions confirmed. Once again, John got what he wanted.


	8. Chapter 8

"Eggs?" John asked when you finally made your way to the kitchen the next morning. 

At some point last night, you had fallen asleep and woke this morning to see John and his clothes had disappeared. It was still early in the morning and as tired as you were, you just couldn't sleep any longer. 

"Please," you said groggily as you shuffled over to the counter and took a seat. 

"Coffee?" he asked but didn't turn back to you. He was busy cracking eggs in the frying pan and popping bread into the toaster.

"Oh God, yes.." you replied as you tried to tame your tangled hair. You realized this was the first time John had seen you looking less than your best. 

He slung a cup of black coffee at you and grinned, "Don't touch it, you look adorable." 

"Fuck off," you chuckled, giving him your best serious expression but smiling back when you saw how amused he looked.

You watched him as he bounced around the room, pulling dishes out of cupboards and poking in the fridge, pouring glasses of water and adding a salt and pepper shaker on the counter beside your now cooked breakfast. 

"You're quite the housewife," you told him as you sprinkled some salt on your eggs and dove in. He gave you an annoyed expression but didn't say anything. "Did you sleep well?" 

He nodded and placed a hand over his mouth while he chewed, letting you know he would need a second, "Best sleep in awhile. You were out cold when I left..." 

"I guess I needed some sleep," you told him. "What do you need done around here today by the way?" 

John finished his piece of toast and took the dish to the sink. He shook his head as he replied, "Nothing yet. Just relax." 

"Okay, let me see if I understand what's going on here... you're keeping me here for when you get horny?" 

"Very perceptive," he said as he walked past you and out into the living room, patting a hand across your cheek as he went. 

You jumped up quickly and placed your dish next to his, rinsing your coffee cup out and trotting after him. When you caught up with him, he was in his downstairs office. 

"I'm not your sex slave," you told him as you entered the room. 

He looked up from his papers, "I can arrange for you to be, if that's what you'd like?"

You stood, unable to think of anything to say. You hated the way he looked at you when he was talking about anything sexual. His whole appearance changed and he became dangerously charming. And when he gave you that devilish smile you liked so much, you knew you were nothing but putty in his hands. 

You took a couple steps closer and placed your hands on his desk, leaning over it. 

"Maybe I would," you whispered. 

He stood suddenly and walked in front of his desk to where you had straightened back up. He held a hand up in front of your breasts but let it hover as if he were in debate with himself on what to do. 

"Trust me kitten, you don't want that," he said as he finally let his hand caress you and pulled you in to his kiss. 

You both stood wrapped up in one another, when you heard the front door open and Jacob's deep voice call out, "Okay kids, play time's over." 

John groaned audiably but you reminded him of his promise to you last night regarding Jacob. He nodded and made you promise you'd continue what you were doing after he left, to which you did happily. Once he let go of you, you bounded into the front entrance, happy to see Jacob after a week. 

"There's my girl," he exclaimed as he picked you up and held you to his chest. 

"What are you doing here?" you asked, still clinging to him as you heard John walk up behind you. Jacob looked over your shoulder and gave him a nod. 

"John told me you've been bored so I'm here to keep you company," he answered with a wink to John. 

Jacob set you back to your feet and you turned to John who was now trying to hide the annoyance from his face. At least he was trying, you thought to yourself. 

"Lies," John said as he stood with his arms folded over his chest. "We were just in the middle of something though." 

"Oh?" Jacob looked back to you. "I'll stick around and join in then." 

You laughed a bit, knowing he couldn't have known what John was referencing but how his words would have gotten under John's skin anyhow. 

"Fine, then I'll show you a thing or two," John shot back. 

"Brother, you'll be the student in this scenario, I assure you," Jacob said back to him. 

You looked back and forth between them, trying to decide if they both knew what the other was talking about but knowing deep down that they did. When they caught sight of your panicked look, they both stopped their bickering and closed in on you. 

"Uhh, what's going on?" you asked nervously as Jacob pulled your chin up to look at him, kissing you deeply. John's hands were wrapping around you from behind as he kissed up the side of your neck. 

"We're sharing," John told you. 

"If you're game, sweetheart," Jacob added. 

You stood for a minute, taking in their hands all over your body. Someone was kneading at your breasts, there were nibbles on your neck and your opposite ear and one of their hands was now reaching down the front of your pajama pants. You wondered how this had even come to be but you couldn't lie to yourself, you had thought of being with both of them on more than one, hell.. more than a dozen occasions. If they were okay with it, you decided it was best to just not think of the consequences and let this happen organically. 

"Not here," you breathed against Jacob's shoulder. 

"Take her upstairs," John instructed and Jacob grabbed you suddenly and put you over his shoulder. 

He followed after John as he took the stairs two at a time and led you both into his bedroom. You were surprised he suggested it but were glad since his bed was the biggest in the house.

Inside his room, Jacob set you back down and got to work at undressing you with his rough hands. John watched as the last piece of clothing dropped and Jacob spun you around, presenting you to John. 

"She's exquisite, isn't she?" John said as he started undressing himself. 

"Mhmm," Jacob agreed from behind you. 

You heard the sound of his jacket hit the floor and waited patiently as they undressed for you. You stood still, watching them with hunger in your eyes. John was already fully erect and by the feel of Jacob pressing into you from behind, you guessed he was too. It was honestly the most satisfying and ego boosting moment of your life. 

"Did you miss me?" Jacob whispered into your ear as he wrapped his arms around your waist and led you to the bed. 

"Of course," you told him, laying back on the bed. 

He smirked at you and crawled between your legs, dropping his head above your thighs and kissing you softly, drawing a low moan from deep in your throat. You were lost in your thoughts when John knelt on the bed next to you. 

"Do you have something for me?" you asked as you gazed up at him. 

"Open those perfect lips," he instructed as he pushed his cock towards your mouth. 

He groaned loudly when you wrapped your lips tightly around him, taking a couple inches to start and then working your way down. Jacob was still busy teasing you to the point of frustration. Deciding to speed things along, you grabbed the back of his head and pushed it further between your thighs. He started by kissing your clit a few times and then brought his tongue out to circle it roughly. You tried to moan but John's cock was now half way down your throat. When he noticed you slowing down, he grabbed your hair and moved you towards him, forcing your lips to travel the entire length of his shaft. 

"You want a taste?" Jacob asked as he finally lifted himself.

John nodded and pulled his cock from your lips, switching spots with his brother. He didn't give you a second before his mouth was on you, sucking lightly while still running his tongue against the bundle of nerves at the same time. Two of his fingers were pushed into you, curling in the most exquisite way. 

"Jake, come here," you beckoned.

"Where?" he asked, knowing full well what the answer was but wanting to hear you say it. 

"Right here," you told him as you inserted two fingers into your mouth and sucked roughly before pulling them back out. 

His eyes widened and without having to ask a second time, he was kneeling on the bed by your face, letting you stroke him. 

"Fuck, I've missed y..." you trailed off as you felt your body start to tense around John's fingers. 

When he sensed it too, he pressed down on your g-spot harder and flicked his tongue more frantically. Before you could tell him to stop, you were gushing around his fingers and wriggling against his mouth, begging him to stop. It was just too much. 

A second later, John finally lifted up and smiled at Jacob smugly as he wiped his face, "You were saying?" 

Jacob rolled his eyes and looked back at you, holding a hand against your cheek and bringing his cock between your lips. You glanced down at John who was watching as you took every inch of Jacob down your throat, letting him pull out slightly and then pushing back in. He stroked himself for a minute before grabbing your hips and flipping you over, pulling Jacob away from you in the process. 

You pouted up at Jacob as he gave you a quick smile and shuffled towards you, letting you take him back between you lips. As you sucked away, John had slid in easily to your wetness, rubbing against your still sensitive walls as he went. Each thrust brought a moan from your throat. 

"God, I love hearing that," Jacob purred as you watched his face from below. 

"Gets me there everytime," John chimed in as he quickened his pace and squeezed your hips tightly. 

You pushed back against him, circling your hips slightly as you felt his rhythm change and him push into you as much as he could before he spilled into you roughly. He let out a long moan as he twitched behind you, still digging into your skin with his fingers. When Jacob noticed, he pulled out and ran a hand down your cheek and under your chin, raising your gaze to his. 

"Good girl," he said softly for your benefit.

You smiled back at him brightly before telling him to finish you up to which he happily agreed, switching spots with John once again and flipping you back from your stomach. He settled down quickly between your legs and finally felt him thrust into you deeply. 

You closed your eyes and leaned back against the pillow, feeling overwhelmed with all the sensations you had experienced. 

"Just a little longer," John said softly against your cheek. 

You opened your eyes to see him laying next to you. When you turned to him, he pulled your face to his and pushed his lips into yours. When Jacob lifted slightly, John ran a hand down to your breasts and kneaded them between his fingers. You moaned against his lips as Jacob circled his hips against yours, building you back up for a second orgasm. 

"Right there," you told him, praying he wouldn't stop. 

Jacob nodded as he sucked in his bottom lip and furrowed his brow. You knew he was close himself but was doing everything he could to hold on for you. 

"I'm right there Jake, please.." you pleaded with him as you felt your muscles contract and finally relax as you found your release. Jacob wasn't far behind you. 

When he eventually slipped out of you, you let him roll to the bed next to you. John stayed on the other side. You glanced back and forth between them, unable to keep your smile from spreading. 

"Are you good?" Jacob asked when you looked over at him. 

"Better than good," you agreed. 

He smiled and gave you a kiss on your forehead before he pulled you into his arms and away from John who cleared his throat from behind you. 

"Sharing, remember?" he scoffed behind you. 

You turned as best you could in Jacob's arms and ran a hand down John's beard, pulling him in for a kiss. When you pulled away from it, he rested his chin on your shoulder and pushed his body against your back. 

Never in a million years did you think this would ever happen but now that it did, you hoped it wouldn't be the last time.


	9. Chapter 9

Jacob and John dressed while you laid there recovering, staring at the ceiling naked and happy. 

"Can I run you a bath?" John asked when he finally put his t-shirt on and threw Jacob's to him. 

"I'd like that," you replied, knowing a bath would feel wonderful right now. John nodded and left the room for his task, leaving you alone with Jacob. 

As he sat on the edge of the bed, you wrapped your blanket around your torso and scooted down the bed next to him. When you were close enough, you laid your head on his shoulder. 

"I hope you know I won't always want company," he said calmly. 

"I know. I won't either," you agreed as you lifted your chin to look up at him. You noticed from this angle he had shadows under his eyes. "You're not sleeping again." 

"Nothing to worry about, sweetheart. You doing okay here?" 

You looked back down and noticed his callused hand on his knee and reached down to run a thumb over it, still leaning into him. 

"Its a nice to be away from the Compound for a change but John won't let me do anything." 

"Come back home with me," he suggested. "I'd let you tag along with whatever I was doing." 

That, you knew without a shadow of a doubt, was the truth. Jacob appreciated your strength in a way John didn't and he had faith you could hold your own. You sighed, everything was always so much easier with the eldest Seed. 

"John would kill me if I left now. He's been gone all week so I literally just saw him last night for the first time..." you thought that over for a moment. "Come kidnap me next week?" 

"Yeah?" he asked in surprise. 

"Unless you don't want to..." 

"I do. I'm just surprised to hear it." 

Your conversation was interrupted but John returning to tell you the bath was ready. You thanked him and mouthed the words "come with" to Jacob before telling him loudly that he could nap in your room if he wanted. He nodded and walked behind you as you led him inside and showed him the bed. When John realized everyone would be busy, he told you he would be downstairs. 

You gathered your clothes quickly and tip toed out into the hall, peeking over the railing to see John heading into the kitchen, probably to grab more caffeine. You walked quickly to the upstairs bathroom, with Jacob following behind.

"Ah darlin, you're never satisfied are you?" he chuckled as you started pulling at his shirt. 

"I told you I missed you," you explained. "And I've never had company while I bathed so I thought it might be nice." 

"We're going to cram into that?" he smirked as he eyed the tub. It was much larger than a standard tub but with Jacob's long legs, he may have a point. 

"Strip," you commanded, brushing your fingertips along the surface of the water. The temperature was perfect.

When you turned back, Jacob was naked behind you. He moved past you and sank down into the tub before he raised his hands up to help you in. When you tried to sit with you back towards him, he spun you around and made you straddle his lap instead. 

"There," you breathed, resting on his thighs. "Now tell me why you aren't sleeping." 

"I told you, it's nothing," he protested but when he saw you give him a skeptical look he continued, "It's just busy. Eli is being ever elusive and I just lost the ranger station." 

You ran both of your hands through his beard and then down to his chest before letting them rest. You weren't sure what to say but tried to be reassuring, "You'll get it back. Do you want me to tell John you need help tracking down the Whitetails? I could help out." 

"No, you're right... he'd have a temper tantrum. I can wait one more week to see you," he said as he moved his hands to your ass and grasped your flesh roughly. "Enough talk, I want you sliding down my cock already." 

You grinned down at him, ready to follow your instructions.

\---

When you were done, you both dried off and got dressed quickly. Jacob announced he should probably get back already as you walked him downstairs where you found John sitting on the couch with a book. He got up to follow you both out when Jacob told him he was leaving. 

"Next week," Jacob said as he made his exit. "See ya, John." 

John nodded back at his brother and then turned his attention to you once the door was closed. "Next week?" 

"I'm going to go to the Center with Jacob for awhile, help him around there." 

John nodded slowly as the corners of his mouth turned. It was a look you knew all too well. 

"It's only for a bit and then I'll come back to visit you if you want?" you asked him, trying to find a peaceful resolution. 

"No, that's fine," he said as he turned and left for his office. 

You watched as he walked in without a second glance back, closing the door quickly behind him. No, things were not fine.. not at all.


	10. Chapter 10

Afew hours passed. You had tried to give John the space got knew he needed but ended up downstairs, pacing outside his office door, debating whether to knock. You stared at the doorknob, thinking of the possible outcomes and realized none were postive. At one point, you thought about making him something to eat and bringing it in casually while naked but the cheese factor of it made you groan. Maybe, you'd go in and reason with him. No. You knew there was no reasoning with an angry Seed. Half way through the hundredth lap, you heard a knock at the door. John didn't stir from inside his office so you took it upon yourself to answer it. 

"Hi, I'm wondering if John's home," Holly said as you opened the door.

You debated whether you should lie but decided this might work out perfectly for you. You'd take her directly to his office and let her take the brunt of his bad mood. A tinge of guilt pinched through your gut - she had never done anything to you. In fact, you were sure she wasn't aware of who you were. 

"He's in his office. Do you know how to get there?" you asked, deciding you didn't owe her anything. 

"Yes, I do. Thanks," she responded politely as she brushed past you and headed to the room. 

Scurrying to the couch, you picked up whatever book John had been reading earlier and flipped through the pages while you strained to hear. 

Holly knocked once but then opened the door without John's permission. You cringed, knowing this poor girl was going to be in trouble. Oddly enough though, you didn't hear him yell when she opened it or even when she stepped inside and closed the door behind her. 

After twenty minutes of scanning pages, you were convinced the asshole had her in there, probably fucking her over his desk. You got up from you spot and quickly walked to the door, leaning against it to hear inside. Much to your relief, they were talking. 

"I promised nothing would happen to you or your family. There's no reason for you to continue this," John said sternly. 

"That's not the only reason I've been with you, John. At first, yes... but now, I hate the thought of not waiting up for you at night anymore. I need to feel your hands on me." 

You groaned at that and pushed the jealousy you were struggling with down as far as you could. Pressing an ear closer, you waited for John's response. After a minute of silence, you heard Holly sniffle and knew she was crying. 

"You can be so cold with me and all I've ever done is love you," she admitted. 

"You say that now that I'm telling you it's over... quite convenient" John said back to her coldly. 

"I have for so long, I told you this before but you'd never believe me. Who else will love your flaws like I do? I know you don't want to be alone," she pleaded. 

"You're right... no one will but it doesn't change my mind. We're done here." 

Before you could hear her response, you ran full tilt upstairs and out to the balcony, taking a seat and trying to act casual in case she saw you as she exited. But when she emerged from the front door and walked briskly to her car, she didn't look back. 

\---

A few minutes after her car sped down the dirt road, you heard the balcony door open and watched as John poked his head out. 

"Still mad at me?" you asked. 

"You mistaken my impatience for anger," he said simply and sat next to you. "Also, you're heavy on your feet." 

"What's that supposed to mean?" you asked but then it dawned on you. 

"Just that it was entertaining hearing you pace for so long... and also running up the stairs. Did you overhear anything interesting?" 

You pushed back in your chair with a groan and tried to think of an excuse to get out of this but came back empty handed and decided to apologize instead, "I'm sorry. That wasn't right of me." 

He looked over at you with unbroken eye contact before he pulled away again and looked out over his property. You watched him, trying to figure out what mood he was in; it was different than any you had seen before. He didn't seem angry anymore but sad almost... maybe mentally worn out, you weren't sure. 

"I won't go to Jacob's," you told him again, hoping it would fix things. You did fully intend on going but you were sure you could push it back a bit longer to satisfy John. 

"I told you it's fine," he said. 

"But you don't mean it," you pointed out. "I know you well enough now to know you're upset with me. I don't feel like you're okay with any of this." 

He stood and turned back to you, holding out a hand for you to take but you stayed put until he could give you an explanation. He dropped his hand and give an impatient sigh, "No more sharing. We keep this all separate." 

"Okay," you said, confused because he and Jacob were the ones who suggested it and now both of them were telling you they didn't want to again. 

"I want you in my bed tonight. I know you're tired so I won't touch you but tomorrow morning I'm going to take you up on your offer from earlier. Agreed?" 

"Yes," you said, bringing a smile to his face. 

You watched as he took his leave and slipped through the doors and back into the house.


	11. Chapter 11

When it came time for bed, you changed into a loose nightshirt in your room and then went next door, knocking on John's bedroom door. 

"Who is it?" he asked in a singsong voice. 

You didn't reply but opened his door, taking in the sight of him on the bed in nothing but his tight fitting boxers. He was leaning back against the headboard with his legs spread casually, flipping through a hard covered book. 

"Where are your manners?" he asked as you crawled up the bed and rested back on the headboard with him. 

"No manners here," you told him, trying your best to avert your eyes from his half naked body. 

"I'll have to teach you," he said simply and placed his book next to the bed. "Tired?" 

You leaned against his shoulder, waiting for him to wrap an arm around you but he didn't. You knew he was still feeling off.

"John, I hope you don't get upset with me but I just need to say this..." you started but stopped to make sure he was listening. He glanced down at you, waiting. "What Holly said... she doesn't know what she's talking about." 

"I'm sure she's correct in her assumption," he said. "Even if she was saying it out of desperation. But she's a very naive girl, thinking her words would cut me." 

You knew they had though. John wasn't unfeeling by any means, if anything, he was the opposite. You knew he was sensitive, especially when it came to acceptance and affection though he'd never admit it. He was touch starved like all the brothers... you knew this by the way he reacted when you showed him even the slightest bit of affection. You wrapped an arm around his waist and pushed closer, kissing the top of his arm. 

"I can understand her not wanting to lose you," you said, chosing to finally open up to him. If there was ever a moment where it was appropriate, it was now. 

"Oh?" he asked, glancing down again. 

"I don't know what I would do if this ended... It's hard enough when we were away from each other before," you said quietly into his skin, trying to hold back a bit. "And maybe you think she's right when she said no one would accept you, but I know I see the side of you that not a lot of other people do. Even without that, I would never want to be without you again." 

"Come here," he said as he scooted down the bed until he was laying flat and wrapped you under his arm. With the other one, he pulled up the blanket and tucked you both in. "Kitten, I refuse to ever let you go."

You looked up at him as he gazed down at you with his bluest of eyes, brushing your cheek with his tattooed fingers and rubbing them along your lips. He studied every inch of your face, tracing it as he went, as if he was trying to set it to memory. When he was done, he pulled you closer and laid his lips against yours gently, pulling you in closer. You brought your hand up to trace the scars in his chest and deepened your kiss, desperate to be close to him. 

As your mouths moved against one another's, you let your hand travel down his narrow waist and towards his waistband. When you fingers pushed beneath it, you felt his hardened cock brush your fingertips. 

"Ah, ah..." he said as he pulled your hand back. "Tomorrow." 

"_And _tonight..." you said as you tried to push your hand back. He kept his grip on your wrist. 

"I want you ready and begging for it when we get up, so you'll have to be patient," he said as he brought your fingers to his lips and kissed them lightly. "Trust me, it'll be worth it for us both." 

You groaned but pushed your hand back and settled against his chest, trying to push the heat between your thighs out of your mind. You heard John give a satisfied chuckle above you as he reached over and turned off the light, keeping an arm around you as you both settled down to sleep. 

\---

You had the hardest time falling asleep due to the frustration you had building up inside of you and from the way John squirmed and tossed around, you were sure he did too. Luckily, you ended up sleeping in past 9:00 and woke up feeling somewhat refreshed. You reached across the bed for him with your eyes still held shut but opened them when you didn't feel him next to you. You looked around but he was nowhere to be found. 

You laid back for a little while longer, debating whether you should go back to sleep or not but you were given your answer when John opened the door, carrying a tray of food. 

"Coffee?" you asked eagerly as you sat up in bed. 

"Of course," he said as he placed the tray on the nightstand and handed you a cup. 

"Heavenly," you commented as you took a sip. "You didn't have to do all this." 

"Yes I did.. you'll need your energy," he said with a wink. Geez, what was he planning anyway? 

He handed you a plate piled high with pan fried potatoes and onions, runny eggs and bacon. You took it from him happily, holding back from scarfing it all down and waiting for John to sit down with you. He crawled over and mirrored you, sitting cross legged and leaning back against the headboard. When he handed you a fork, you dug in right away. 

"So fucking good," you moaned between bites. "Thank you."

"Never a problem," he said as he ate his bacon. You chuckled slightly when you noticed he ate one thing at a time before moving on to the next. You did the exact same thing. 

You both ate in silence and after you had finished everything on your plate, John took it from you and placed it back on the tray. He watched impatiently as you drank from your mug again. 

"Done?" he asked. 

"Not quite..." you lied as you brought the mug back up slowly to your lips again with a smile. 

"Lying is a sin," he snapped and ripped the mug from your hands, placing it on top of the plates and grabbed your hands, pulling you towards the edge of the bed. 

"Where are we going?" you asked as he led you from the room. 

"Shower," he said quickly as he led you into the bathroom and closed the door behind you. 

Once inside, he pulled your nightshirt off of you quickly and undressed himself. You stood patiently as he ran the water, checking the temperature ever few seconds until he was satisfied. He finally turned to you and nodded towards the shower. 

"Ladies first," he said. 

You thanked him and stepped in, enjoying the warm water as it cascaded down your skin. A second later, you felt John step in behind you. You waited for him to place his hands on you or perhaps push you against the shower wall but all you felt was his bath puff, full of beautifully scented lather, running over your shoulders and down your back. He cleaned every inch of you gently before he wrapped his hands around your waist and asked you to hold the puff for him. You did as he asked and watched as his hands came around and massaged your breasts, soaping them up thoroughly. When he was satisfied they were clean, he reached his hand between your legs and rubbed his fingers against you. You moaned and leaned back against his chest but he stopped, grabbing the puff from you again and bringing his hands back. You turned to watch him lather himself up. 

"Want me to help?" you asked when you noticed his erection. 

"Patience," he purred as he put the puff back and squeezed some shampoo in his palm before pushing the bottle towards you. You grabbed it reluctantly and washed your hair quickly. After you had used a bit of conditioner and John used more than any human should, you both rinsed off and he led you out to the tiled floor, handing you the biggest and fluffiest towel you had even seen. You wrapped it around yourself and followed him back to his bedroom, neither of you saying another word. 

"Patience doesn't come easy to you, does it?" he laughed when he closed the door and turned his attention to you. 

"I'm perfectly patient," you said before continuing. "Why do you say that?" 

"Because you haven't stopped fidgeting since I got you naked," he grinned as he finally stepped to you and ran his hands down your exposed arms. "Tell me, what exactly is it you're so excited about?" 

You flashed him a look, he knew full well but of course he would want you to say it. You lowered your voice as you spoke and grabbed at him through the towel around his waist, "This." 

He grabbed your wrist and pulled you away quickly, his eyes growing darker. He shook his head, warning you to keep your hands to yourself. 

"I thought you wanted me to take control?" he asked. 

"I did.. I do," you stammered, not really sure what else to say. You had never really given him the reigns, not fully, so you weren't sure what he wanted. Finally you just decided to stay still until he told you what to do. 

"Alright then. Do you want a safe word?" he asked. 

You shook your head, knowing he wouldn't want you to have one. John raised as eyebrow at your bravery but finally nodded and reached a hand over to you and quickly pulled your towel from your body. When you were bare to him, he did the same. 

"You sure?" he asked when he got a few inches from you, reaching a hand through your wet hair and twirling his fingers into it until he made a fist and pulled your head back. 

"I know you won't hurt me, John," you told him confidently. 

"You have no idea how badly I want to," he growled as he moved his mouth to the front of your throat and bit roughly. You let out a soft whine to which he pulled back and grinned. 

"I don't think you know how badly I want you to. No safe word." 

John's breathing grew heavy as he looked over your body, trying to figure out where to start. His eyes suddenly lit up and he pulled you over to the other side of the room. 

"Don't move," he said and left you, rummaging through his closet and coming back with a handful of things. 

He placed everything on the nearby armchair and grabbed a bundle of heavy rope, throwing one end over the exposed rafter and pulled the ends until they were even. 

"Hands up," he ordered. 

When you did as he instructed, he wrapped the rope around your wrists and tied a thick knot in the end. You had to stand partly on your tip toes to balance yourself and the knots cut into you sharply, but you were more than happy to comply. 

John tested the ropes, smiling at his handy work before asking you if you had circulation in your hands. You nodded, the knots were tight but you still had the tiniest bit of wiggle room. 

"Fuck," he murmured as he walked around you, running a hand over your body as he went. He was like a predator who had finally caught their prey. "I've never wanted you more." 

You felt your cheeks redden and looked away from his piercing gaze, feeling beyond exposed and vulnerable. When you looked up finally, John was behind you. You strained to see him but you could only see what was in his hand: a thin leather bound paddle. 

You turned back to face forward, bracing yourself for the pain you knew was in the horizon. John's hand rubbed against the back of your thighs before he pushed a hand between them and forced your legs apart slightly. You pushed up on your toes, trying to keep some of your weight on your feet rather than hanging entirely by your wrists. John let out a breath as he ran a hand up your inner thighs and cupped your ass gently, rubbing the skin delicately before he pulled back. A few seconds later he brought the paddle across your ass, bringing a sharp gasp from your lips. You didn't have time to recover before he brought it down again, two more times. The last was much harder than the first two blows. You let out a whimper even though you tried to suppress it. 

"Did that hurt?" he asked into your ear as his hand came up and around your throat. 

You nodded, hearing him inhale as he tightened his hand and drew you to his chest. You felt his cock against you and tried to rub against him with your body but he stopped you and pushed back. 

"Don't move," he growled and came down on your ass again with a loud crack. 

He didn't stop for a second, bringing it across you skin three more times, each harder than the last. When he finally stopped, he was breathing heavy. You thought he might give you a second to rest but he switched to the other side and spanked you twice with a snap. You let out a low moan at the pain. It felt so much better than it should. It was just such a release for you: a release of control, release of emotions... So when you watched him set the paddle back on the chair, you pouted slightly. 

"How does that feel?" he asked from behind you. 

"Incredible," you said truthfully.

"Here I thought you were a good girl. You're just a dirty little thing, aren't you?" he said as he grabbed your hips with one hand and reached to his cock with the other, bringing the two together quickly. 

Normally the intrusion would be painful but you were so wet at this point that he slid in easier than he had hoped. You could sense his disappointment when he didn't have to force into you. His other hand finally moved to your other hip and he grabbed them both tightly, pulling at the skin roughly as he thrust into you at a maddening pace. His movements were fast and deliberate, bringing his cock to the angle he knew would get you there and pounding against it sharply. 

"John..." you moaned. "Ease up a bit." 

You didn't really want him to but you knew it would excite him to know you were uncomfortable and you wanted to make your sadist happy. With no surprise, he didn't do as you asked and pulled a hand to your throat again, grabbing you roughly and pulling you closer to him. You felt your body start to tense as he moved against you and before you could savour the buildup, you were cumming harder than you ever had. John groaned against you as he felt you clench around him. He eased his grip on your throat and steadied you as he slapped your ass again with his open palm. You whimpered as it stung your already sensitive skin, which only made John want more. He slapped you again in the same spot but this time, when you let up a yelp, you felt him shudder against you. He grabbed your hips again with both hands and squeezed, digging his fingertips into your flesh as he bucked his hips against you, finally pulling out and taking a step back. 

You stood motionless, not sure if he was fully done with you but finally, he moved to your front and placed a hand on your cheek.

"God, you're just what I needed," he purred, leaning into you and kissing you roughly. You pushed back against him happily, swirling your tongue with his until he reached up and started on the knots he had you wrapped up in. 

When you were finally untied, you rubbed your chafed wrists and shook your arms out slightly, trying to circulate your blood again. John watched you with his signature smile and when he was satisfied you were done, he pulled you to the bed and laid you next to him as he wrapped himself around you fully. You were taken back slightly but then brought your arm over his side and up his back as you both laid there, lightly rubbing each other's skin with feather light touches.


	12. Chapter 12

By the end of the day, you and John were both thoroughly exhausted. He had much more endurance than you did though and by the fifth time, you told him you needed a break. 

Now you both curled up by the fireplace; he leaned against the back of the overstuffed couch and you laid down with your head in his lap. His fingers ran through your hair as you closed your eyes and enjoyed such a gentle touch from such a violent man. 

"John?" you hear Joseph call from the front door. 

Neither of you moved and you were now grateful that you had dressed before coming downstairs. When he rounded the corner of the fireplace, he smiled warmly at you both. You sat up, feeling too casual in your current position and greeted him. 

"I've missed that smile," he said as he took a seat next to you and looked over at John who was on your other side still. "I may need her back at the compound soon. We had a couple of the resistance at our doorstep last night, which has never happened before."

"Is everyone okay?" you asked, shocked that they were able to make it that far.

"Oh, yes... not to worry. Have things been calm here?" he asked, glancing between you and his brother. 

"Not a peep. I have the roads flooded with my people. The deputy hasn't made a move in a couple of days now... probably laying low," John explained. 

"Good. That's excellent news, John. That being said, perhaps you could come back with me tomorrow morning?" he asked you. 

You turned to John for his reaction but he kept his eyes to the floor. You could never understand if it was fear or respect he had for Joseph but he was almost like a child who had just been scolded at times when his brother spoke to him. 

"Actually, Jacob needs some help. The Ranger's Station in the mountains was overthrown and he needs some extra people to help pull it back," you explained. 

"Oh? Jacob hadn't mentioned that." 

"If you think you'll be okay though? I don't want to leave the compound exposed," you told him. 

Joseph leaned over and placed his hands over yours. When he pulled them to his lap, he stopped and looked down at your wrists and the red lines that still clung to them from the rope burn. He flashed a look at his brother but then brought his gaze back to your face. 

"I think it would be best to go North for a short time, just until Jacob can re-establish his claim to the Ranger Station. Afterwards, I'd be happy to have you back home. When you're able to of course," he said calmly though his expression had changed slightly and his smile was no longer touching his eyes. 

You nodded and glanced back to John who nodded as well and asked if Joseph would be staying for dinner. 

"Yes, if it's not too much trouble. I'll be staying until the morning and then I'll drive to the Veteran's Center with you," he nodded back towards you. 

John let out a small sigh but got up to start dinner. You asked if you could help but he declined. When he was out of sight, Joseph brought your wrists up to his lips and kissed them softly.

"My brother has been less than gentle with you," he said as he watched you with concerned eyes. 

"It's not what it looks like," you said but Joseph gave you a skeptical look. "Okay, it may be but he didn't hurt me." 

Joseph sighed and dropped your hands to your lap but kept his hands still on top of yours. He lowered his voice when he spoke, "I've missed my ray of sunshine. Things haven't been the same without you." 

"I missed you too," you told him. Truthfully you hadn't had much time to think about him but now that he was here, you felt so much more relaxed and grateful at his presence. 

"Do you think we could spend some time together after dinner perhaps? Just us?" he asked hopefully. 

"I'd like that. We could go for a walk if you'd like. Or maybe sit out on the balcony for a bit." 

He didn't answer you but chose to lean in and press his forehead to yours instead while still holding your hands. You broke free from his grasp and brought them up to cup his face and move his chin up to that he was looking at you. Even though you knew you shouldn't, you leaned into him and kissed him lightly before pulling back and smiling back at him. 

John cleared his throat behind you and you both turned to see him standing with his arms crossed. 

"Ready to eat?" he asked impatiently. 

You groaned internally but forced a smile to your face and headed to the dining room. Joseph followed closely behind you. 

You all sat in silence for a minute before Joseph started a conversation with John and things calmed down a bit. After devouring your meals, John excused himself to do the dishes and start some tea. You followed after him after excusing yourself to Joseph. 

"I've come to help," you announced when you bounded into the kitchen. You wrapped your arms around John's waist but he pushed out of your grasp and started to fill the sink. "It's my last night here, don't be mad please." 

He stood for a second before he shut off the water and spun around, yelling at you in a whisper, "Anyone else you'd like to mention you're sleeping with?" 

"I'm not sleeping with him..." He gave you one hell of a dirty look so you continued, "We kissed but that's it. It's... fuck, I don't even know what it is. I didn't mean for it to happen, it just kind of did. John, you and I aren't in a relationship... you're making me feel like I'm cheating on you." 

"I told you this wasn't just sex when you asked me," he spat, still keeping his tone down but his words hissed out of his mouth. 

"If it's not then man up and do something about it. I basically told you I'm in love with you but you chose to ignore it." 

He stopped and watched you like he didn't recognize you anymore, a look of confusion taking over his features. He stammered, "You're... but, you didn't say that..." 

"Yes I did! Maybe not in so many words but fuck, read between the lines. I fucking love you. It drives me crazy that I do and I've tried to stop but I cant..." you stopped and took a deep breath. "You don't feel the same, I get it... I don't need to hear you say it but you treat me like we're together sometimes but then you won't officially commit, so I just don't know what to think. I refuse to feel bad for kissing someone else when you've laid no claim to me. At least Joseph's been open about his feelings..." 

You turned before he could say anything and even when he tried to grab your wrist, you wriggled out of his grasp and stormed off. You weren't sure what set you off exactly but you were beyond irritated at this point. When you made it back into the dining room, Joseph was sitting in the same spot, casually looking around like he hadn't heard your outburst. 

"Can we go for a walk? I need out of here," you asked quickly when he finally looked up. 

"Yes, of course," he agreed and followed you outside as you continued to stomp away. 

You were halfway across the property when you realized you hadn't been waiting for him and turned to see where he was. He wasn't too far back but was keeping his pace with yours, trying to catch up. 

"I'm sorry," you said when he approached. "I'm just worked up right now. I can go alone..." 

"No, no. Walk with me," he said as he took your hand and led you towards a dirt road that ran through the woods. "Tell me what troubles you." 

"Well, I'm sure you heard..." 

"Not all of it," he replied and gave you a half smile, pushing you to open up. 

"If this is weird because it's your brother, just tell me," you said. He nodded so you continued, "Sometimes I feel like he thinks of me as a possession almost. He strings me along but doesn't want anyone else to touch me. Maybe I'm wrong but I feel like because we're not in a relationship, I shouldn't have to tell him about the rest of my personal life, you know? Of course, if we were, I'd never in a million years think to be with anyone else. Is that wrong of me? Maybe I'm being selfish." 

Joseph walked in silence for a moment and then shook his head slowly. "I agree with you. You don't owe John an explanation. But, to my brother's credit, I know John thinks of you as more than a possession. What about Jacob?" 

"That's still happening though I'm thoroughly confused about all of that too. I'm in way over my head," you said grimly. 

"And do you feel for Jacob the same way you do about John?" he asked. 

"Yes," you replied quickly, knowing that was the truth. Your feelings for Jacob had materialized before the ones you had for John but they were strong for both of them. 

"Hmm," Joseph trailed off for a bit as the two of you continued your walk. It was so nice to just stroll around with nowhere to go for a change. "You've told them both?" 

"Well, sort of... I mean, John definitely knows now but Jacob.. maybe not the full extent." 

"I think you should start there when we drive out to see him tomorrow. Maybe then you'll get some clarity." 

You nodded and motioned for an overturned tree on the side of the path. Joseph followed you as you sat down and stretched out. He kept his fingers entwined with yours the whole time. When you turned to him, his face was already so close that he only had to push and inch or two until he was kissing you again. His lips were soft and his kiss was softer. You let your tongue slip between his lips and explore his mouth lightly and then with more desperation. Soon, you were both pulling each over closer. You heard Joseph let out a soft moan and suddenly, he was pulling your hand to the bulge that was now peaking in the front of his pants. 

You pushed back quickly, unsure if this is what you wanted to do. With so many emotions rolling around tonight, you didn't know what you were doing with two Seeds, let alone three. 

"I'm so sorry," he apologized as he stood up suddenly. "I don't know what overtook me." 

"It's okay. I shouldn't have kissed you like that... I was sending mixed signals. I just, I want to but I need to figure everything out first before I do anything. I'm sorry." 

"No need to apologize. It's my responsibility to control myself around you. Please forgive me," he said, apologizing again. 

"There's nothing to forgive," you told him. 

Joseph suggested that you head back to the ranch and walked back much quicker than he had previously. He didn't say anything for the rest of the way. When you headed inside, he asked John to show him where he could sleep and wished you good night, explaining that he would be working on a sermon if anyone needed him. When you and John were finally alone, he crossed the room with his arms spread wide and gave you that grin he was known for. 

"No, no... What's that look for?" you asked as you backed away. 

"Make up sex... it's necessary," he said sweetly but his smile was anything but. 

"We haven't made up though," you reminded him but he didn't slow his pace. 

You turned and ran upstairs with a squeal as he chased after you and grabbed at your legs as you went. You managed to get out of his grasp every time until you got to your old bedroom and tried to open the door; he came in quickly behind you and grabbed your around the waist then. 

"It's our last night together," he reminded you. 

"Yes, and we've had sex five times today alone. Unless you just want to snuggle together, go back to your own room." 

"No," he said stubbornly and tightened his grip on you. 

"John, I don't think I can take anymore. Plus, your brother's here and I'm not exactly super quiet." 

He ignored your pleas and pulled you to the bed, making quick work of your clothes as you finally gave him, warning him to be a bit gentler with you this time. He agreed and much to your surprise, he actually was.


	13. Chapter 13

The drive to the mountains was much longer than you had remembered but you enjoyed the scenery, minus the bodies adorning the roadside. Joseph was quite talkative as he drove, seemingly forgetting about the previous night's awkwardness. When he dropped you off, he told you again that he wanted you back soon and then sped off. You watched him for a moment before turning back to the Center. You had only been here once before and had never seen Jacob's living quarters before so you weren't sure where to go. 

Finally, when one of his masked hunters pushed through the doors, you told him who you were and asked if they would bring you to Jacob. He looked at you skeptically and told you he'd have to radio him first. You watched as he walked a few meters away and pulled up his mask while he radioed Jacob. You couldn't quite hear what he was saying but after a minute, he asked you to follow him. 

After a few steep staircases and long hallways, you arrived at a thick wooden door at the end of one of the halls. You were surprised to see if wasn't guarded. 

"He's waiting," the hunter said gruffly and headed back the way he had come. 

You thanked him and knocked on the door, waiting for Jacob to let you in rather than barging in. 

"You naked?" he called through the door. 

"Can I come in if I'm not?" you called back but by then the door was opening and Jacob was filling the doorway with a grin spread across his face. 

"I thought I was coming to get you next week?" he asked and pulled you to him and gave you a quick kiss before he moved back and let you in the room. 

You gazed around for a moment before answering him. You had honestly expected Jacob to have the tiniest of rooms with nothing but a bed and a place to store his weapons but his room was spacious. He had a large bed - not quite as big as John's mind you - and a desk with a large leather chair. The other side of the room had two armchairs with a low bookcase planted between them. He had his red rifle taken apart and laying on top of it as if he were in the middle of cleaning it when you came in. Embedded into one wall were two long shelves lined with whiskey bottles of every size and a couple small but heavy looking glasses. 

"Uh.. yes," you said, forgetting what he had asked you for a minute. "But Joseph thought I should come here now so I could get back to the compound earlier. Never a dull moment."

"Well, you're here and I can't say I'm disappointed, though I didn't set up a room for you yet," he explained. 

"Don't you want me staying with you?" you said with a mock pout of your bottom lip. 

He bent over and bit it quickly before he kissed you again, "Of course I do." 

You grabbed him before he could pull away and held on to him with all your might, squeezing the air from his lungs in a raspy cough that turned into a laugh. 

"Miss me, pup?" 

"I always miss you," you admitted before letting out a sigh. "Why does everything have to be so easy with you?" 

"That's a problem?" 

"It is when you know who is still in the picture," you said. You weren't sure how else to word it. 

He squeezed you back a little tighter before he released you and walked over to the armchairs, waving you over with your hand. You dropped your bag at the foot of his bed and joined him, taking a seat in the opposite chair and watching as he reassembled his gun. 

"How was the rest of your visit with John?" he asked, peeking up at you as he worked away. 

"Drama filled... as always." 

"What did you do this time?" he snickered. 

"It's not always me, I'll have you know. Well... Okay, it was this time but it's not always," you tried to convince him. "I kissed Joseph and John got pissed." 

Jacob's eyes shot up from their task and he set the gun down on his lap, looking at you like you had just told him you put a hit out on him. 

"I know, I know....it was a mistake," you said. 

"I'm not here to judge," Jacob replied calmly and looked back to his lap. 

"I just... none of us are in a commited relationship or anything, right? I don't feel like it was wrong but..." 

"But?" he asked. He didn't bring his gaze up this time. 

"It still felt wrong." 

"And why is that?" 

"I... cause I... well, because..." you trailed off. Jacob gave you a questioning look. "Well, because of you guys." 

"I'm not stopping you," he said simply but didn't look up to you again. 

"I know. I just feel differently about you," you told him, hoping that would be the end of that. 

He looked up again and grinned at your reddened cheeks. "Want to go for a hunt?"

"Elk?" you asked enthusiastically. Nothing was better than a good elk steak. 

"Sure," he agreed and stood, telling you to grab a gun from his weapon rack and a coat from his closet. 

\---

You both took one of the trucks up the road until you found the area known for elk and went on foot from there. Someone had abandoned a tree stand so you took it upon yourself to set up camp there. Jacob let you have the low lawn chair that was on top and he took a seat next to you on the wooden floor before pulling out his binoculars and scanning the area. 

"Anything?" you whispered. He shook his head. "Scoot."

You left your chair and took a seat next to him after he moved over a bit and made room for you. You put a hand to the side of his face and pulled it to yours, laying a rough kiss on his lips. He widened his eyes at first but then settled in and kissed you back, moving his hand down your back. 

"I thought you wanted an elk," he said when you finally pulled back. 

"I do but I want you more." 

"Right here?" 

"Well, I hadn't thought of that... no one's around though," you reasoned. 

"You can't take that back now," he said as he pushed you back and crawled on top of you. 

You wrapped your legs around his hips and let him smother you as he pressed his mouth into yours, pushing his tongue deeper and more desperate. You felt him start to harden against you and circled your hips against his, encouraging him. 

"You don't even have to do anything and I'm hard," he said between kisses. 

That just made you all the more desperate for him. You loved his voice anyway but hearing him talk during sex was a major turn on. You reached down quickly and pulled your pants off and unzipped his pants, pulling them down just enough for him to pull his cock out comfortably. Jacob pushed your panties to the side and ran his fingers down your slit, gasping when he felt how wet you were already. 

"Don't make me wait," you pleaded. 

He happily complied and thrust into you gently, taking his time to allow you to stretch widely around him. Once he had slid out and back in a couple times and was satisfied you had adjusted to him, he quickened his pace. You held him tighter, always marvelled at his concern for you. You let your thoughts linger on that, thinking of all the little things he did to make sure you were happy and protected. Even when he was beyond busy, he always made a point to radio you every couple days to check on you, even when his brother's wouldn't do the same. You felt a lump form in your throat when you realized how much he actually meant to you and before you could stop yourself, you were spilling your secrets to him. 

"You know I love you, don't you?" you asked as you both moved together perfectly. 

He didn't stop his movements but pushed into your deeper, giving you ever inch and rubbing against the spot you wanted him to this whole time. He kissed you hard before he moved his mouth to your neck and ran his lips down it before sucking on your skin. You waited for him to say something but he didn't. You noticed his rhythm was starting to come off the rails and you figured he was building to his orgasm. 

"Cum for me," he growled into your ear, slowing his pace a bit but making it deeper and much rougher than he had. His cock rubbed against your walls sharply and you felt yourself start to reach your peak. If it wasn't for the words you had just left lingering in the air, you would have came but you couldn't get out of your own head. You didn't know if you had done the right thing by telling him. 

A couple seconds later, you felt him push deeply into you and he stayed there for a second while his body shuddered against yours. You held him tightly as he spilled inside of you and kissed the side of his face that was now buried in the crook of your neck. He pulled out and tucked himself back into his pants before he brought his face between your thighs. You knew he'd never leave you unfulfilled but you kind of hoped he would right now. You had never been one to fake an orgasm before and didn't want to start now. 

"Spread for me," he said as he grabbed your knees and tried prying them apart. 

When you did as he asked, he thanked you and dove in, lapping at you quickly and inserting two fingers. You moaned at the feeling and tried to clear your head and just focus on what was happening to your body. You struggled with it for a bit but then finally, you started to think of nothing but Jacob's mouth on your clit. He alternated between sucking lightly and flicking against you hard, all the while rubbing his fingers inside of you at the best possible angle. 

You felt yourself start to tense against his lips and finally, your body gave in and you felt the release you had so desperately wanted. Jacob's moaned in appreciation as you soaked his fingers and pulled back, giving it one last kiss before he pulled your panties back in place. 

"Come here," he said as he sat up and held an arm out for you. 

You pulled your pants back on and curled into him, letting him warm you up. The air was surprisingly chilly and your body was now covered in goosebumps. 

"You're the only woman I've ever loved," he said quietly but he didn't look at you when he said it, even when you glanced up at him. You knew it must be hard for him to admit. 

"You could have told me that ten minutes ago," you said as you slapped his chest, trying to make him feel more at ease. 

"I like keeping you guessing," he said with a grin and finally looked down at you. "There's an elk up there by the way." 

"I'll get the next one," you said and pushed against him further, wrapping an arm around his waist.


	14. Chapter 14

It took another hour of sitting in the chilly air but a small herd of elk finally made their way to the field below you. Jacob let you take the shot and you dropped one easily. Of course, you killed the biggest of the herd but now you were regretting it as you both carried the massive animal back to the truck. 

"I should have shot the runt," you groaned when you finally reached the truck. 

You helped Jacob hoist the elk in the back before he lifted the tailgate back into place. You hopped up into the truck and let Jacob drive you back, rubbing at the blood on your knuckles as you went. When you glanced up at him, he was was looking back and forth from you to the road. 

"What?" you asked. When he didn't answer, you pushed at his arm and asked him again. 

"You seem happy," he said. 

"I am... more than I have been in a long time actually. Thanks for today." 

He nodded and kept driving until you got to the Center. When he pulled up front, he motioned for one of his hunters to help him with the elk. He knew you had no problem killing one but weren't a fan of gutting and skinning them. 

"I'll take care if this, go wash up," he told you. 

You happily agreed and went upstairs, not really sure where the bathroom was but figuring it must be close to Jacob's room. Much to your surprise, he actually had one attached to his bedroom. It wasn't big but it had a tub and shower, toilet and sink. You stripped quickly out of your bloodied clothes and hopped into the shower. You picked up the bar of soap and realized it smelt like Jacob. You lingered with it in your hands for a minute before lathering up and rinsing off quickly, eager to get dried off and grab a bite to eat. 

When you walked out into his room, still naked and dripping wet since you were using the towel to dry your hair, you searched for Jacob but he wasn't around. You weren't sure how long it took to skin an animal but guessed one that size would take awhile. 

You glanced around his room and noticed how organized it was, much like John's. They were definitely ones for order. His desk housed a couple of hard covered books stacked neatly against the wall, pens and a note pad, a couple rolled up maps and a pile of loose papers. You sifted through them to find lists of names and dates, each naming different experiments and their outcomes. There were a couple letters from Joseph, one from Faith and another from someone named "Terry". You didn't read through them though every bit of you wanted to. Halfway through the pile was a magazine full of naked women spread out in the most uncomfortable looking poses, which didn't surprise you and a report with your name on it. It went into detail on your training and how classical conditioning was not necessary for you. There were a list of your strengths but also mentioned Jacob's concern for your obedience due to your stubborn nature. It was from years ago so you wondered why he had kept that. 

Once you were convinced there was nothing interesting on his desk, you peeked in his nightstand to see a bottle of lube which you thought was odd since you had never used it with him. Other than that, there was a bottle of sleeping pills, an extra gun holster and some old issue of a hunting magazine. 

"Can't leave you for two minutes, can I?" a voice said from behind you. 

You whirled around, gripping your towel around you to see Jacob smiling at you in amusement. 

"I was looking for... I'm so sorry. I'm so nosey." 

"I knew that already," he said as he crossed the room and peeked into the drawer you had open. "Nothing too interesting, I'd say."

"Jacob, I'm sorry..." 

You stopped before you started stammering and held a hand to your cheeks that were not flaming hot. You just wanted to sink into a hole somewhere. 

"Pup... It's seriously okay. This is your room too. I don't have anything to hide from you."

You bit at your lip but turned to him to see he was still smiling, which made you feel a bit better. He looked like he had just washed up but his t-shirt was still bloody. You ran a hand over it as he looked down to see what you were doing. When he noticed the blood, he pulled his shirt off. You put a hand out to his chest to stop him before he went to the closet to get another. 

"You don't need one." 

Jacob raised his eyebrows at you and then reached down and ripped off your towel. "And you don't need this." 

"I found your magazine, you perv," you teased him, hoping to embarrass him but of course he wasn't.

"I need something to tie me over til I see you. You're not jealous, are you?" 

"Terribly," you said with a fake pout. "But I do like the idea of what happens when I'm not around."

Jacob grinned wider and picked you up swiftly. He was always big on just throwing you around and carrying you where he wanted you to go even though you'd go willingly. He set you down on the far end of the bed and pulled the rest of his clothes off before joining you. Rather than pounce on you, he laid back and rested against the headboard, letting his hand run up the length of his half hardened cock before grabbing it and tugging roughly. 

"You can watch if you want," he said quietly as he watched your eyes widen while you took in the sight of him. It was surprisingly a huge turn on for you. 

You nodded as you watched the movement of his hand, unable to say anything. He was a lot rougher than you would have been with it and cupped his hand over the head when he could, rather than focusing on the whole length. After a half a minute, he was fully erect. You finally moved your gaze from him to his face to see he was watching your naked body. 

"You're so fucking sexy," you said as you leaned over and pushed his hand away before you climbed on top of him and sank down to his lap. He set out a loud grunt when you started to bounce on him. "And I've been apparently doing it all wrong this whole time." 

"No," he panted. "Everything you do is perfect. And those tits..." 

He reached up and grabbed at them before pushing his face closer and sucking at your nipples. Finally, he dropped his hands and placed them on your hips, holding you up and in place while he thrust up from the bed into you quickly. You stayed still while he fucked you faster than he ever did, reveling at the different sensation of it. 

"Oh my fuck," you cried out as you looked down at him with your brows furrowed together. 

He stopped immediately and loosened his grip on your hips, letting you sink back down on top of him. He stared back at you, looking like he had just seriously hurt you. 

"You okay?"

"Yes, that was just incredible," you told him as you rocked back and forth, knowing how close you were and not wanting to lose the momentum you had built up so far. 

"Oh," he said in realization and grabbed at you as he took control again. 

Every stroke rubbed against you perfectly but the friction from the pace he was keeping was what was bringing you closer to your peak. It felt so different, so desperate, that you lost yourself completely and came hard against him. He didn't slow down or let you rest but in a minute, you felt his cock throb against you and knew he was just as satisfied as you were. 

Finally, he eased his grasp on your hips and helped you to the bed to lay next to him. You both watched the ceiling for a minute but then you turned to him, watching the rise and fall of his chest. He looked so peaceful for a change. 

"Can I cuddle?" you asked, unsure if he cared or not. 

"Get over here," he said and lifted an arm. You curled around him, bringing your knee up over his leg as you pressed your cheek to his chest. 

"How long are you staying?" Jacob asked finally. 

"Until you kick me out or I'm summoned by one of your family members. At this rate, I fully expect Faith to be showing up soon too." 

Jacob laughed a bit but then stopped, "Don't tell me you're fucking her too?" 

You looked up at him to see him grinning and knew he was joking but you still slapped at him. 

"Maybe that's what I'm doing wrong... I need a woman in my life." 

He pulled up from you and slid you to the bed as he grabbed at his clothes and started dressing. When he was done, he threw yours at you and told you to come downstairs with him to enjoy the fruits of your labour from your earlier hunt. 

You agreed happily, feeling your stomach start to grumble.


	15. Chapter 15

After lunch, you and Jacob hung around for a bit even though you knew he was anxious to just be relaxing. You laid around and talked easily for awhile but he would stop now and then and check his radio and you knew his downtime was bothering him. 

"Jake, we need to take back the Ranger Station," you told him. It was an obvious statement but for some reason - whether he thought he was doing it for your benefit or not - he hadn't brought it up. 

"I know, it's on my radar." 

"No, I mean you and I... before things progress." 

He looked over at you from his pillow and ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back in place. You watched as he studied your face for a minute but then the weariness covering his face was replaced with a smile. 

"You never cease to amaze me," he told you admiringly. "What's your plan?" 

You sat up in bed and crossed your legs, hunching over so you could run a hand up and down his forearm. You thought for a minute, mulling over a complex plan but then realized maybe it didn't have to be that hard. 

"We gather a dozen people... snipers. Your hunters are stealthy, we hit them from the trees until we reach the building and then we surround them. The longer we wait Jake, the more reinforcements they'll have. We should hit them tonight when it's dark." 

"Tonight?" 

You nodded and he did too. He was up again to his feet, moving to his desk to grab his radio.

\---

You watched as Jacob flashed signals to his hunters, silently telling them where to go. When you arrived at the Ranger Station, it was surprisingly quiet with maybe a half dozen people, most of which were chatting together or leaning against the two small buildings on the perimeter. It wasn't going to be hard to overpower them but Jacob agreed with you that stealth was better. The only problem would be to separate the pairs of people or somehow coordinate a takedown of the two simultaneously. 

You and Jacob crouched just outside the gates, on a low hill covered in berry bushes. You both watched as his people disappeared completely from view - it was nerve wracking not knowing where they were but they knew the drill and you had confidence that the plan would unfold seamlessly. 

You watched as one of the pairs finally split and decided they should patrol the perimeter. One rounded the corner of one of the buildings only to drop suddenly. The hunters snuck out of the trees and pulled the body back with them. The other person had chosen a spot on the roof of the far building. When they reached the peak, they soon dropped as well, tumbling to the far end and out if sight. You glanced at Jacob who was smiling. It was almost unsettling the way he watched, like he was the ultimate predator but even though his expression should make you nervous, it made you happy that maybe he would be given a bit of peace at knowing he had his land back. 

One by one, the militia members disappeared until there were only two left. They refused to leave the other's side and seemed to be deep in conversation. You looked to Jacob for instructions but he was already letting out a low whistle. At once, all dozen hunters rushed from the trees and circled in on the pair, shooting them down before they knew what was happening. They scanned the area and a few ran inside the buildings to check for anyone hiding but finally came back empty handed. 

"Looks like that's a victory," Jacob said as he stood. 

You followed him down the hill to meet the others and watched as he patted them on the back and praised them for doing a good job. They all seemed to respect and appreciate his words and you could tell they were glad he was happy. Finally, something was going right. Jacob glanced back at you and gave you a wide grin and you felt your heart melt in your chest. 

\---

"It's been taken care of. I'm going to set up more security on the area so this doesn't happen again. What a fucking pain," Jacob said into the radio. 

It was the next morning and Joseph had chosen to wake you both with an early morning radio call. He had heard the good news about the Ranger Station somehow. 

"That's excellent news. I'm happy that was taken care of swiftly," Joseph told him. "Now that that is taken care of, I have to insist on you returning your guest. I need some extra help around the compound." 

"She just got here..." Jacob said, but then he hung his head in defeat, knowing this was what his brother wanted. You always marvelled at the fact that both Jacob and John did whatever Joseph had asked of them, without question. "I'll drive her down after we get something to eat." 

"Good, thank you Jacob. Please have a safe drive." 

Jacob sighed and set the radio down on the desk, staring at the wall for a couple minutes before he finally turned. You noticed a couple new lines in his forehead and instantly started to worry about him again. 

"You can come visit me," you suggested. "Or stay with me for a bit?" 

"You know I can't," he said sadly. "Better get ready. I'll take you home, pup." 

Pushing up from the bed, you wrapped your arms around his waist and drank in the scent of him, trying to set it to memory for when you were home. It took him a minute but finally he lifted his arms around you and held you back. 

"I'm just always so happy when you're around," you told him. "This sucks." 

"I know but I'll see you at service... we'll cuddle up in the back row and watch John's blood pressure spike. And I'll try to sneak away to visit you, alright?" 

You nodded and hesitantly pulled away from him to pack your stuff. 

\---

Jacob helped you unload your belongings at the cabin and then he drove you down to the compound. Even though you told him you could walk, he insisted. When he finally pulled up out front, he kissed you so fiercely, your lungs started to burn from the lack of air. 

"See you soon," he said as you waved and closed the door. 

You watched his truck disappear and then turned to the church to find Joseph. You tried your best to hide the disappointment that you knew was painted over your face but you knew Joseph would be able to sense it anyhow. 

"Ah, there you are," he said as he noticed you walk in. He was standing at the front of the church, looking at one of the tall windows behind the alter. 

"How have you been?"

"Fine, but I see you're not. Are you angry that I called for you?" he asked when he reached you halfway down the aisle. 

"No, of course not. I just don't get to see a whole lot of Jacob, it was nice for a change. But I understand that my job is here. I'm sorry I've been away so long." 

"No need to apologize. I understand completely. But.. as I said to Jacob, I'd like to set up some additional security on the compound. I don't place my life above anyone's but if something were to happen, I'm not sure the flock would follow my brothers. You understand I hope." he said as he led you to a pew and sat down with you. 

"Yes, of course.. that only makes sense. You're our leader. I'll do whatever I can to protect you."

"Good, because I'd like you to stay at the compound for the next little while. I know your cabin is close by but I'm asking my children to stay here in case there is an unexpected attack during the night. We're setting up extra beds in the cabins out front and there is a room upstairs in the church that you're more than welcome to." 

You sank down in your seat, letting his words sink in. You'd be staying at the church, on the compound with Joseph. You knew this threat of the Resistance was only growing so this wouldn't be a temporary measure as Joseph seemed to think it would be. You'd be here day in and day out. Your freedom and your privacy would be gone. Jacob and John wouldn't be able to visit you in your cabin and you wondered if Joseph would let you leave to see them. You knew the answer in your heart but you also knew you had to watch out for Joseph. As much as it pained you, you nodded in agreement as Joseph kissed you on the cheek happily.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm curious which team everyone is on, reading this? Joseph, John or Jacob? 
> 
> Truthfully, I'm not sure which side I'm leaning so any input would be awesome! 😊

Your room was small to say the least but it was cozy and sparkling clean. You had the necessities: a twin bed, stand up mirror on the back of your door and a dresser that doubled as a nightstand. There was no overhead light but you had a small lamp next to the bed. You were surprised to see a room up here at all but when you saw two bedrooms, you were truly taken back. Of all the time you had spent on the Compound, you had never been up here. 

"Who's going to be staying in that room?" you asked Joseph as you made your second trip upstairs with your bags. 

"That's my room," he answered. 

"But.. don't you have a place offsite?" 

"I do but it's safer here. I've been staying here for a little over two weeks now," he said. "There's no bathroom up here but you know about the one downstairs." 

"Yes, thank you. I'm actually glad to not have to bunk with anyone," you told him. 

You were sure he had known that - your cabin was secluded for a reason. He dropped your weapon bag at the foot of your bed and stood back a bit, assessing the room. He seemed anxious about something. 

"This is perfect, Joseph."

"Never have a heard a complaint from you," he observed happily. "You're so refreshing." 

You smiled back at him and placed a hand on his arm to let you know he appreciated his compliment and then turned to unpack. Joseph opened one if your bags without asked and started to fish your things out and place them neatly in the dresser. 

"Oh, you don't have to do that." 

"I know, but I like the distraction," he told you as he refolded a couple of t-shirts and brushed out the wrinkles. "Where would you like your books?"

"On top of the dresser would be okay. I think I may have packed too much," you scrunched your nose up as you stared down at the three large bags in the bed. 

"Best to be prepared." 

Joseph sifted through your clothes, refolding when needed and organizing as he went. When he got to the bottom of the bag and brought out your bras, you pretended not to notice as you looked through your own bag. You felt your cheeks grow red again, especially when you watched him from the corner of your eye, staring at them and then to you before he put them away. 

"I should be going. Service is in a few days and I've yet to complete my sermon. Excuse me please," Joseph brushed past you and left the room in a hurry without looking back

You watched as he left and made his way downstairs again but then got back to your task. You were sure he was still wrestling with his feelings for you and maybe that's why he left. Truthfully, you weren't sure where yours were either. It felt nice to be back home and you enjoyed Joseph's company but you missed your other Seeds already and wondered how you would make out here without them. 

It had been such an eventful week - not only did you blurt out your true feelings to John but you also told Jacob. Now you felt like you were drowning, unable to know which way to turn. You loved them both, you knew that without a doubt but if it ever came down to having to choose, you weren't sure of what you would do. With John, it was never easy and he could be beyond frustrating at times but then he let you see these little glimpses of a much kinder, gentler self. Your thoughts went back to he way he pouted at you in the church after your breakup and the lengths he went to to get you back or the portrait he had of you, tucked away in his room. He never admitted his feelings and maybe he never would but his jealousy was enough to let you know you meant something to him. And the way he had held you and caressed you finally... it wasn't like him at all but you enjoyed every second like nothing you ever had before. 

Jacob on the other hand was always upfront and easy to be around. There were no games, no secrets or guessing... he was quick and to the point and just had this magically way of making you feel cherished. He took care of you whenever he could and never shied away from affection when you needed it. But more than that, you saw him as a friend. It was just as enjoyable hanging around with him outside or even just talking, as it was the intimate moments of your relationship. And when he told you he loved you, and you believed him undoubtedly. 

You prayed there was some way you could stay with them both, even during the Collapse but they would never leave their post. Each Seed would stay in their own bunker with the people they were responsible for and you would have to choose; that is, if you were still in this love triangle when the world ended. And you knew you would have to chose because once you were in that bunker, you wouldn't see the light of day again for another seven years. Whoever you didn't chose would move on with their life without you and maybe find someone new. It wasn't fair of you to ask them to wait for you and you wouldn't want it that way. You wanted to see them both happy, regardless if that was with you or not. 

And then of course there was Joseph. The moments you shared together were sweet and simple and always exactly what you needed in that moment. You didn't feel for him the way you did his brothers but everytime you were around him, you started to feel a pull to him. And knowing he was having feelings for you, didn't help. 

But maybe that was your problem... maybe you just wanted to see these poor broken men put back together and couldn't stop yourself from trying, even if that meant you would get hurt in the end.


	17. Chapter 17

"Joseph?" you knocked on his door when you couldn't find him after supper. It had grown dark and you were starting to worry. 

"Yes, come in," he called to you. 

You opened the door and peeked inside to see a room very similiar to yours. The only difference was a small loveseat on one side of the room. Joseph was sitting on one side with a pad of paper on his lap. He turned from his work to greet you and patted a hand next to him for you to join him. 

"I can come back if you're busy?" 

"No, I need a break actually. I'm not happy with what I've written. It might be beneficial to stop for a bit." 

You closed the door quietly behind you and sat down next to him, sinking into the overstuffed cushions below you. You felt like you were sitting on a cloud. 

"Can you let me hear what you have so far?" you asked. 

Joseph turned and lifted his eyebrows in surprise but then smiled warmly and laid a hand on yours. He read through the lines he had written, correcting some as he went and criticizing himself every so often even though you reassured him that everything sounded great. 

When he came to the end of the page, he announced he had a breakthrough and needed to jot a few things down. You rested your head to his shoulder and watched as he wrote quickly, complimenting the things you liked as he scribbled away. It was probably an hour or so later but he picked the pages up and held them in front of him, satisfied at his work. 

"Best one yet," you told him as you still leaned against him. He bent down and kissed the top of your head. 

"You calm me, thank you," he said and stopped for a minute, putting his pages on the floor and sitting back up to face you. "I know this isn't the ideal situation but I have hopes that John can help the deputy to atone soon. That's the key to ending all of this." 

"I hope he can. This has just gone on long enough. I don't mind staying here but I miss my own bed too, you know?" 

"I know. I'm sorry for your discomfort. How can I make this up to you?" 

"I'm okay, really. It'll just take me a bit to get used to it," you forced a smile and stood. "I should get ready for bed. Have a good night." 

Joseph stood and touched your hand to his lips before he dropped it, "Good night beautiful." 

You left his room, feeling the same pull to him you did the last time you saw him and realized you may be in trouble. 

\--- 

The next day you patrolled around and caught up with a few of your friends you hadn't seen in awhile. Joseph hadn't been lying when he said he was bringing more people to the compound. You recognized faces you hadn't seen since your training, years ago. 

The meals were served outside because there wasn't room anywhere else but it was nice and cool and the sunshine felt wonderful. Everyone talked about the deputy and some brought up the Ranger Station. They wanted to hear the story of how you had taken it back. 

Someone else asked why you were in the Whitetail Mountains in the first place and of course, one joker in the crowd said it was because you were sleeping with Jacob. No one laughed at that so you figured they all knew by now anyway. 

Now, it was your turn to have a break which you were grateful for - your feet and back were on fire from standing all day. You decided to sit at the water's edge and watch the water fowl that were swimming around a little ways from shore. The splashing started to put you almost in a trance as you pushed everything else out of your mind but of course, things never stayed quiet for long. 

"Where is my kitten?" John purred from the other end of your radio.

"I'm watching ducks." 

"What? Where are you?" he asked, his tone sharpening a bit. 

"I'm at the Compound. Why? Where are you?" 

The line was silent for a bit but then he came back with a bit of annoyance in his voice, "I'm at your house. Jacob said you went home." 

You wondered why he was there but then you realized it was Friday night and he expected to continue along with your prior arrangement of your weekly meetings. 

"Shit, well Joseph has me living here now so I don't think we'll be able to meet for awhile." 

"Are you...?" he trailed off and sighed. "Fuck. Can you sneak away?" 

"No, probably not. Joseph's so worried there will be an attack on the Compound again that he has me in the room next to him. He's brought in a bunch of people too. If I left and something happened to him, I'd never forgive himself." 

"I'll come to you..." 

You sighed and leaned back in the sand. Surely he could go one week without having sex, especially since you just left his place a few days ago. He wasn't making this easy for you at all. 

"My room is literally attached to Joseph's. You can't come here. You'll be okay for one week." 

"It's not the sex... I wanted to see you. I guess I'll wait until Sunday." 

"John, wait..." 

You heard the crackle at the other end and figured he had changed frequencies but tried calling him a couple times. Of course he didn't respond.


	18. Chapter 18

It was finally Sunday morning. You woke up so much earlier than you normally did, unable to sleep any longer. You took a long shower, did your hair and dressed before grabbing breakfast. You and another follower helped to set the Books of Joseph in the pews and make sure the church was ready for service. 

"Everything is perfect, thank you both," Joseph said when he entered the church from the staircase. He was shirtless as always, wanting to show his sins to the congregation to let them know they weren't alone. 

Your helper took off but you chose to stay behind with Joseph while you waited for the service to begin. 

"Did you sleep well?" he asked. 

"I did, actually. It's calming being here, somehow. Did you?" 

"I did. I like knowing you're close. I'm sure my brothers will be here early to see you." 

"It's only been a few days, I'm sure they're fine without me," you told him but he was busy looking over your shoulder. 

You turned to see John in the doorway of the church, watching you talk to Joseph. He didn't move towards you as he waited for you to finish but you could see him fidgeting with the bottom of his vest with one hand impatiently. You turned back to Joseph, surprised that he was right and that his timing was so impeccable. 

"He was here when I said that," Joseph laughed slightly when he saw your expression and pieced it together. "I'll speak with you later." 

You turned and ran to John even though it was uncharacteristic of your relationship. When you reached him, he threw his arms out and let you run into them before he held on to you tightly. 

"I missed you," you told him, always wanting him to know where you stood. You decided it was better to be upfront with him because he never seemed to pick up on your hints. 

"I missed you too," he said quietly as he tangled his hand in your hair. "Take me to your room." 

"John," you scolded as you pulled back from him slightly, still in his arms. "Service is going to start soon. At least wait until afterwards." 

He sighed and moved his hand from your hair and down your throat, stopping at the nape of your neck. 

"You know I'm a man who appreciates his rituals... that includes my weekly ones," he warned. You glanced down as his tattooed fingers drummed at your skin. 

"Talk to your brother then. I would much rather be home." 

"What did I do?" you heard Jacob say behind him. 

You reached out around John's shoulders and held a hand out to Jacob, running it down his chest. You explained, "Wrong brother." 

John released you and let you hug Jacob before he grabbed you back and led you to the front of the church to the family pew. 

"I can't sit up here," you protested but Jacob's hands were on your shoulders, pushing you along from behind. 

He helped John sit you down and they each took a seat on either side of you. You looked back and forth between them as they each smiled down at you. 

"What?" you asked at John's devilish grin. 

"It's just nice when you're in the middle," he said. 

"Okay, no talking like that. We're in church for fuck's sake. And besides, you both said you didn't want to share anymore." 

"That was before we each had some alone time with you," Jacob added in. 

"And we'll have to be quick after this.. it'll be faster if we share," John chimed in. 

You forced yourself to look forward and take your eyes away from them but had to squeeze your thighs together at the thought of sharing them again. You couldn't possibly do so here with Joseph so close by though. 

John tried to add in another comment but Faith sat down next to him before he had a chance. She greeted you all and laid a hand on yours as she did. You glanced behind Jacob, knowing if Faith was here, Joseph would be close behind. Sure enough, he was nearly to the front of the church. He gave you a wide smile when he saw you sitting up front and started his sermon without delay. 

It wasn't a terrible long service today and while Joseph spoke, you droned him out, having already heard his sermon earlier. The only thing that caught your attention was the look you were getting from a few nosey people in the pew across from you when Jacob laid a hand on your knee and let his fingers rub it lightly through your jeans. You gave him a smile and then turned the same smile to John when he reached an arm around you. This couldn't possibly look good for you but you were so happy to have them touch you in public that you didn't care. The people who would be the ones to judge you would also be the ones who had sinned the most and from what John had told you of some of their confessions, they had a lot to atone for. 

When the service was over, Faith joined Joseph outside but you stayed back, mostly because John had his hand wrapped around your wrist. 

"I'm not doing this here," you hissed at him.

"Yes," John said and pulled you to the staircase. 

You pulled back, trying to wriggle out of his grasp but he held you tightly. You turned and looked to Jacob for help but he followed behind with a grin on his face. 

"Jake, please..." you pleaded. "If you care about me at all." 

"You could always just say no," he reasoned with you. "We don't make a habit of forcing ourselves on women." 

"Ugh," you groaned, still struggling against John and pulling back into Jacob's waiting arms. "You both know I can't say no." 

"But I can," Joseph said loudly behind them. "This is not the place or time." 

John released you instantly and let your hand fall to your side. He stepped away from you but Jacob stayed in place with his arm still around you. 

"It's been less than a week, surely you can give her some space." 

"I'm sorry," you said weakly and pulled back a bit, forcing Jacob to let you go too. You felt so awkward at having been caught even though he knew already.

"Don't apologize," Joseph said as he made unbroken eye contact with you. "I know this isn't easy on any of you but we have to prepare for the Collapse. Things have changed, I feel it. It's close." 

John and Jacob both nodded and said their good byes, leaving you alone with Joseph. You watched as Jacob left first with John at his back. He turned to you once before he exited with an unreadable expression. 

"I'm sorry. I thought I was helping," Joseph said when they were finally gone. 

"You did, thank you. I'm so embarrassed..." 

Joseph pulled you close and embraced you, letting his skin rub against any part of you that was exposed. You nuzzled into him and let him fully envelope you in his arms. 

"Please don't ever be embarrassed around me. Nothing you could do would ever disappoint me." 

He leaned down and kissed you lightly but then he was gone again, heading upstairs to his room. You sat down in a nearby pew, trying to compose yourself before you got back to work.


	19. Chapter 19

Another week passed.. another uneventful week, at least for you. The deputy was still in the Valley, terrorizing poor John. He lost yet another outpost and several of his supply trucks were high jacked. Road blocks were blown to smithereens. Silos were destroyed and John was getting angrier by the day. You hadn't spoken to him about it but you just knew he would be losing his mind at this point. 

Things at the Compound however were as quiet as ever and even though you hinted at that fact to Joseph, he chose to ignore it. You thought you were home sick when you first arrived but now it was much worse. Loneliness had sunken in for you though you still saw the people you talked to everyday before moving here. You guessed it was the radio calls and visits from Jacob and John that you missed. Even though it hadn't been long, it felt like an eternity had passed. And to make things worse, Joseph was so preoccupied with preparations for the bunkers that he was MIA most days too. 

It was now time for another service. You waited eagerly by the door for your boys to show up but when they did, it wasn't the joyous reunion you had hoped for. 

Jacob arrived first this time. He held you to him for awhile but didn't say much. When he released you, you noticed the shadows around his eyes and that his complexion was paler than normal. You ran a hand over his cheek but he just smiled and told you he was fine. 

When John arrived, you couldn't believe the difference a week had made. He too had dark circles but his face housed a look of utter weariness and exhaustion. He didn't smile - it was like he didn't have the energy to fake it. When he saw you, he walked a little quicker and let you hold him, stroking his hair for a minute but then he pulled back and walked to the front of the church without you. You stood for a minute, unsure if you should join them again or take your normal seat. When neither of them turned to call you, you decided on the back pew. 

During the service, you kept your eyes on them and noticed neither were paying attention to Joseph. John was fidgety and his eyes darted around the church while Jacob stared down at the boards beneath his feet. You felt the familiar sting everytime you saw them in distress and wanted nothing more than to fix all of this. It saddened you to see them unravel in front of you. 

"I'll see you next week, pup," Jacob said as he kissed you quickly and tried to slip by you after everyone had cleared out of the church. 

"Can't you stick around for a bit?" you asked hopefully. 

"I'd love to but I have two wolf beacons that need rebuilding thanks to my friend Eli and a dozen Judges to replace without any new wolves. Not to mention the patrols they've been taking out." 

"Fuck, they're really putting the pressure on." 

"Guess this deputy is giving them all hope. I really thought this would be over by now," he said in frustration as he raked through his beard with his fingertips and then finally said good bye again and left you where you stood. You turned to see John waiting for you. 

"John, please stay," you pleaded. You wanted nothing more than to lay in your bed and hold him until he felt even a tiny bit better. 

"I miss seeing you, but I cant," he said and kissed you, leaving without another word. 

\---

The next few days were the same. You tried calling them on the radio to check in but they were always too busy to talk and neither of them seemed particularly happy to hear from you. At first, you tried to reason with yourself that they were stressed about everything that was happening, which they probably were but by the time the week was half way through, you had given up. 

"It's not you," Joseph said from the doorway when he overheard your recent radio transmission with John. "He's feeling the pressure of this atonement." 

"I don't understand why we can't just kill them? I'd rather not but it doesn't seem like they'll be atoning anytime soon. Poor John needs a break from this. He's starting to break." 

"It's not in God's Plan. I know it's difficult to understand but I've seen the deputy with us in New Eden," Joseph explained as he took a seat next to you on the bed. 

"No, I get it... It's just hard to see him like this." 

"It is when you have a caring nature," he agreed and wrapped an arm around you. "You've been exactly what this family needed. There's no reason to worry yourself further. He'll come around." 

"I hope so." 

"You're worried about losing him," he observed.

You thought about that for a minute but finally nodded. You were scared to lose any of them and felt so utterly helpless. Joseph brought your chin up with two fingers and gazed into your eyes. His expression turned to one of pain. 

"I hate to see you like this," he said sadly. "What can I do?" 

"Just this. I just need someone... I feel so alone lately, as selfish as that is."

Joseph let you rest your head on his bare shoulder as he ran his hand up and down your arm. His touch was so light but comforting. 

"Thank you," you said and tried to lift your head to look at him but your lips were met with his as they crushed into yours hard. 

You brought a hand up and wrapped it around his neck, bringing him closer and moving into his kiss. You hadn't intended for this to happen but the feeling of a human connection again was so comforting and addictive in this moment that you were ready to give into him fully. 

"I'm sorry I'm keeping you here," he said between kisses but you shook your head and forced him back. 

Everytime he tried to pull back or speak, you did the same thing; always bringing his lips back to yours until he gave in. Soon he was pushing you back to the bed and rested on top of you, holding himself up to avoid putting his weight on you. 

"It's okay," you told him.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him down until his hips were lined up with yours. Slowly, you moved against him, causing him to harden as your movements quickened. 

"You have no idea how long I've wanted you," he breathed as you moved your mouth against his neck and then up to his ear. 

"Then take me," you whispered, finally giving him the permission he was looking for. 

His gentle movements quickly turned desperate and he pulled at your clothes roughly, stretching the material of your shirt before he brought it over your head. His fingers pushed against your skin roughly as he worked his way behind you to unfasten your bra and threw it once it was off of your body. Joseph's mouth was immediately on you, sucking and licking at the sensitive skin and then moving down your body. His kisses were now rough and you felt his teeth graze your skin on more than one occasion. 

When he came to the waistband of your jeans, he pulled at the zipper so quickly the button split from the fabric but his fingers kept working and soon you were stripped naked. 

"You're everything I imagined," he said and removed his pants and boxers faster than you had even seen him move. 

You let out a laugh at his desperation but he didn't smile or even look up; his gaze was on your body, drinking it in hungrily as he spread your legs and plunged into you without any warning or warm up. You whined at the sting of the intrusion but he continued to thrust into you without hesitation. 

He wouldn't last at this pace, you knew that much and on top of that, you needed time to adjust to him. He hadn't touched you or did anything else to prepare your body for this pace he was setting. Finally deciding to stop him, you lifted yourself up to grab either side of his face and force him to look at you before you spoke, "Slower... we have all night." 

"I'm sorry," he said as he pulled out completely and looked down at you in worry. "It's just been so long." 

Your thoughts went to Faith and the obvious close relationship he had with her and wondered if what he had just said was true but chose to believe him. Either way, you couldn't deny you were both eager and could excuse his impatience this time. 

You pushed up and rolled him over easily, moving with him so you were on top. Using your hand to line him up, you sank down on his cock slowly, taking in the closeness you felt for the first time in weeks. A moan escaped your lips. Joseph wrapped his hands around your waist when it did, letting out one of his own, so soft you could barely hear it. 

"Joseph, tell me what you want." 

"Faster... please." 

You complied and rocked your hips faster against him, watching his eyes flutter shut as his lips parted and he groaned loudly. He brought his hips up to meet yours and you moved together in perfect rhythm. When you sped up, he did too but when you felt his cock swell inside of you and knew he was close, you tried slowly only to have him grab at you and force you to move at the previous pace. A couple seconds later, he was pushing his head back into the pillows with his eyes held shut and a heavy moan exploding from his throat. You stayed in position until you felt him relax and climbed off, laying next to him, hoping he may try to help you to your own orgasm and disappointed when he didn't. 

He pushed an arm up and around you and pulled you to him, holding you so tightly. When you eased into him, he ran his hand lightly over your back, bringing a shiver up your spine. 

"You are exactly what I needed," he sighed and moved to look at your face finally. "I want you to be happy." 

"I am," you said, smiling back at him. "Other than the fact that my ass if hanging off of this tiny bed."

You both laughed as he pulled you closer and for the next hour, you just laid there with him while his fingers moved over your skin and in your hair, neither of you speaking.


	20. Chapter 20

"Good morning beautiful," Joseph greeted you when you finally woke the next day. 

At some point in the night you must have fallen asleep against him. You weren't sure if it was because he was pinned down or because he wanted to, but either way he has stayed all night. 

"Hi," you said shyly as you pulled the blanket up around you. 

He leaned down to kiss you and run a hand over your cheek, admiring you even though you were sure you were a mess in this moment. 

"I think we both need a break today. Maybe we could go for a walk after breakfast?" he asked. 

"I'd like that," you agreed but then realized you needed to pee. You pulled up from the bed suddenly, bringing the blanket with you as you excused yourself and ran downstairs. Joseph laughed from the room behind you. 

When you returned, he was in his room, dressing for the day. You peeked in and flashed him a smile which he returned and then ran to your room to get ready yourself. 

"I have some bacon and bread still in my freezer back home. I could cook for us if you want to take a walk up there with me?" you called over as you stood in front of the mirror and brushed out the knots in your hair. 

"Sounds good. I've never seen your home," he said from the doorway, surprising you. 

"Perfect, then it's a plan." 

\---

You were pleased to see you still had some eggs in the fridge that hadn't spoiled while you were gone and added them to the large cast iron pan that was still coated in bacon fat. It had been so long since you had a big breakfast like this that you didn't care about the unhealthy factor that came with it. 

As you cooked, Joseph paced around your cabin, looking at the pictures on the walls and studying the magazines and trinkets you had scattered around the room. 

"Do you want butter in your toast?" you asked when you heard the toaster pop from the other side of the kitchen. 

"Please. Are you sure I can't help?" 

"Yep, it's under control. Coffee's ready though," you told him as you laid down two cups of black coffee on the counter. "My milk's gone bad but there's sugar in the cupboard if you'd like some." 

"No, no. This is fine. Thank you." 

Joseph pulled out a stool and took his seat, taking a long drink from his tin mug. He watched as you buzzed around the kitchen and then finally laid a plate in front of him and one next to his for you. 

"This looks fantastic, truly. Thank you for doing this," Joseph said as he beamed at you. He always seemed so easy to please. 

"Is your sermon ready for tomorrow?" you asked as you scooped your eggs into your mouth. You were beyond starving for some reason. 

"Mmm, it is, though sometimes I find myself repeating my words. I worry that my sermons have grown stale. They used to bring me such joy to write." 

"But now...?" 

"Now I spend too much time worrying, it seems. I worry for my family and for my flock but I worry that maybe I'm not following the plan that God has laid out before me. Maybe I've misunderstood." 

"I don't think that's the case. Everything you have seen has come true so far. You have people that believe in you and will follow you, me included. Now is not the time for doubt... we have to focus more on the task at hand, now more than ever." 

Joseph took another long drink of his coffee and picked up a piece of his bacon, feeding it to your with a smirk when he saw that yours had already been eaten. You bit into it happily and grinned back at him. 

"You're absolutely right," he said and laid a kiss on your greasy lips. "I always thought I had an idea why but now it's clear to me why my brothers are so enamoured with you." 

You looked down at your mug and turned it from side to side, thinking of Jacob and John and how much you missed them. And how much you had been worried about them since the last time you saw them. Joseph said something but you couldn't make it out and couldn't pull yourself from your thoughts either. 

"(Y/n)," Joseph said a bit louder, finally snapping you out of your daze. He laid his hand over yours and stopped your anxious movements. "I've asked them to stay after the service tomorrow. I feel like I've been selfish in keeping you to myself. Please forgive me." 

You smiled finally and hugged him, catching him off guard. "Thank you." 

"I hate to see such sadness in those beautiful eyes," he said into your hair. 

You let him hold you a little longer and then you both returned to your meal, smiling. 

\--- 

"I've never seen you so excited," Joseph laughed as you paced at the front of the church. 

"Is it that obvious?" 

"Yes. You haven't stopped moving the..." he trailed off and caught your arm as you walked past him again. 

When you looked up to see why he had stopped you, he pointed to the back of the church to Jacob who was watching you with an amused grin. You ran to him and he picked you up and spun you around as you grabbed onto him tightly. 

"I've missed you so much," you told him as you felt your eyes start to moisten. 

"Pup, don't be crying on me now," he laughed and gazed down at you. 

You lifted your hand to his face, assessing the circles he still had beneath his eyes. He still looked tired but he seemed to be in better spirits. When he saw the look of concern on your face, he crushed you to his chest and held you still so you couldn't see his face again. 

"Jake!" you said weakly as you started to feel your airways give out. 

"Fuck, I've missed you," he said and finally released you. 

"Are things any better?" you asked. 

"Yep, getting there. Don't worry yourself over it," he said and placed a hand on your back, leading you back to the front of the church to where Joseph was smiling at you both. He placed his forehead to Jacob's when he saw him and thanked him for coming early. 

"Should we sit?" Jacob asked, already walking to the pew and plunking down. 

Joseph left to go outside as you sat down with Jacob. You were barely in the seat before he pulled you to him and pushed his lips against yours. His hands were in your hair, tangling his fingers at the back of your head and pulling it closer. 

"I'd take you right here if you'd let me," he breathed between kisses. 

"You're staying afterwards right?" 

"Just try to stop me." 

"God, I can't wait. I hate being away from you," you finally admitted as you sank down against him and rested your head into his shoulder. 

You both sat quietly for a few minutes while you ran your hand across his knee. The weight of being away from him had hit you hard. It was so strange to think this whole thing started as a random hook up but then it turned to so much more. When you told him you loved him, there was still that slight bit of hesitation but now you knew you did with all of your heart. But there was also John, you reminded yourself and now Joseph too... You felt a wave of guilt over involving all three of them and decided you needed to make your mind up soon about which you wanted and would commit yourself to. You knew it couldn't be easy for them to share you. 

"(Y/n)," you heard a quiet voice in front of you and looked up to see John standing in front of you. 

You jumped up and buried yourself against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you. 

"Shh, it's okay..." he said softly as he held you tightly. 

"You guys are going to be the death of me," you said against his shoulder as the tears finally started to flow. 

He pushed you back to study your face, "I know. We've left you alone but it wasn't because we wanted to." 

John reached over and wiped away your tears, pulling you to the pew next to him. Jacob ran a hand down your back as he agreed with John's comment. 

"I've been so worried about you," you told him. He still looked stressed but he was more calm than he was the last time you saw him and the shadows that clung to his face were nearly gone. 

"Don't be," he told you as his lips pulled up devilishly. "But on a lighter note, I hear you're going to be given some free time this afternoon."

You nodded enthusiastically but then your thoughts went to Joseph and the guilt pitted in your stomach again. 

"There's something I have to tell you..." 

"We know," Jacob chimed in. "Our brother has a far more guilty conscience than you." 

You glanced between Jacob and John and they both smiled at you, letting you know it was okay. 

"But no one else," Jacob warned. 

"Seriously. Or I'll track them down," John added. 

You nodded and grabbed each of their hands, holding on to them while the church flooded with people. When Joseph reached the front of the church, he smiled at the sight of you all together again and started his sermon, which was conveniently about acceptance and not passing judgement.


	21. Chapter 21

"Get your ass upstairs," Jacob whispered into your ear when Joseph was concluding the sermon. 

You pretended not to hear him but when everyone started to leave the church, you darted from your seat and up the stairs. You were almost at the top when you heard footsteps at the bottom closing in on you quickly. You turned when you reached the landing and saw Jacob racing up with John not far behind. They pushed the door open as you tried closing it and muscled their way in. 

"Oh my God, no!" you squealed when Jacob picked you up and tossed you on the bed. 

He pulled at your shirt while John straddled your legs, holding you down while he unbuttoned your pants and started to shuffle them down your legs. When he got them between his legs and threw them to the floor, he bent over and kissed you through your panties. You let out a moan so loud Jacob threw his hand over your mouth.

"Shh," he ordered and threw your shirt to the ground before he leaned down to kiss you. "Don't let the whole church hear you." 

"Too late," Joseph said from the doorway.

The brothers moved off of you as you threw your arms over your body's unsure why you were since he had already seen you naked. You were just so embarrassed that he had caught you doing something so taboo. 

"I, uh..." you stammered. "I should have closed the door."

"Do you do this altogether often?" he asked, still watching you. John was now rubbing along your calf but he still stood next to the bed with his eyes on Joseph. 

No one said anything at first but then you finally decided to break the silence and tell him only the once. Joseph stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. 

"May I?" he asked when he approached you. 

Jacob and John looked to you for your consent. You looked back and forth between them, not seeing any sign of objection on any of their faces. 

"I don't know if I could handle the three of you..." 

"We'll do all the work, just lay back and relax," Jacob told you as he stroked your hair. 

"Be easy, please..." you glanced down to the youngest Seed. "John." 

He held his hands up in surrender as Joseph gave him a warning glance. You finally nodded in agreement and reached up at the hem of Jacob's jacket, trying to pull it off. He took over and shook it off, letting it fall to the floor and then pulled his shirt off before he got to work on his jeans. When you finally pulled your eyes away from his body, you glanced around to see Joseph and John doing the same. Your eyes darted between them, and with each exposed body part, you felt your panties moisten.

"This isn't going to work with the bed against the wall," Joseph said, which was the truth. Your bed was so small, it would be a struggle to fit another person, let alone three. 

"Come here," John said as he held a hand out to you and helped you from the bed. When you were standing, he grazed your neck and then brought both hands up to your face, cupping it and pulling you into his kiss. There was something sad about the way he kissed you with so much desperation, like you would slip away if he let go. You held him around his shoulders as tightly as you could and let him push you to the far wall. 

"Come home with me," he begged into your lips. 

"John..." Joseph said in a warning tone, causing him to drop his hands but his eyes remained fixed on yours. 

You peeked over John's shoulder to see he and Jacob had pulled the bed out from the wall and into the middle of the room where they both stood impatiently. 

As badly as you felt for breaking the moment, you brushed past John and led him by the hand over to his brothers who grabbed you when you approached. Jacob was the first to kiss you while Joseph peppered your shoulders with his lips. Someone had their hands on your bra, pulling it from you body and a pair of hands were wrapped from behind you and were pushing into the waistband of your panties. You knew by the rough touch that it was John who was now circling your clit quickly. Lips were on your ear, your neck and were now moving down your body to your breasts. 

"Fuck," you panted as you leaned back against John who was keeping his hands busy as his cock stabbed against your hips. 

"John, move your hands," Jacob instructed as he dropped to his knees and pulled your panties down your legs. Soon John's skilled fingers were replaced with Jacob's hungry mouth. He lapped at you slowly, pushing his fingers inside of you even slower. When he felt you shudder against his mouth, he picked up his speed and flicked his tongue rapidly. 

You tried to focus but there were so many hands and mouths on you that you just reached out and grabbed at the cock pressing into your leg, unsure of who it belonged to anymore. When you heard Joseph's soft groan, you knew. You reached behind you and fumbled for a minute before John finally took your hand and placed it over his member. You worked your fingers up the length of them both, squeezing tightly and trying to keep rhythm but you knew you were failing. 

"Jake... oh my God, I'm cumming," you told him as you felt your knees start to buckle and a wave of pleasure spread through your body. As your legs shook, he kept you steady until he knew you'd be too sensitive for anymore and pulled back, looking up at you in appreciation for such a quick release. 

"I could listen to you say that all day," he said when he was to his feet. You released your hold of his brothers and wrapped your arms around his neck, kissing him in thanks for taking care of you. 

"You're amazing," you told him as you reached down and picked you up, letting you wrap your legs around his waist. 

He brought you down to the bed and settled on top of you, rubbing his cock along your slit until he finally found your entrance and was soon stretching you in the process. A low growl crept from his throat as he tried to kiss you again but you turned your head before he could, trying to see where Joseph and John were. When you noticed the look of jealousy spreading across John's face, you called him to you. He walked over, staring at Jacob rather than you but when you reached a hand up around his erection, he turned to you. 

"I've missed this," you told him as you nodded down to his cock that was now in your hand. It seemed to calm him a bit. 

"Open those lips for me," he said and rubbed his cock along your lips until you gave in and let him push into your mouth and to the back of your throat. He didn't give you a choice but to take all of him and when you tried to search for Joseph, he pulled your head back to its task. 

"John, easy," Joseph scolded. You couldn't see him but you heard his voice from the other side and realized he was standing parallel to his brother. You waited for John to slow down but he didn't. Unable to turn, you glanced up at John as he held both sides of your face, fucking your mouth with a loud grunt. You tightened your lips around him and sucked hard, trying to draw his orgasm from his quickly so you could focus on the others. When you finally felt him start to swell between your lips, he pulled back before he came. 

You looked up to see Jacob staring down at your lips in wonder and couldn't help but laugh. "You want some too?" 

"I'm good where I am," he said with a wink as he thrust into you harder, rubbing along your walls perfectly.

"G-good," you stammered as you felt your muscles start to tense already. "Oh, fuck..." 

"No, no... my turn," John snapped and pushed at Jacob. 

"Give me a minute," he shot back but John was staring daggers through him. You pushed up at Jacob to let him know it was okay... John's temper tantrum had thrown you off course anyway. 

"Hold on," you told him, closing your knees when he tried to climb between them. Poor Joseph had been so quiet this whole time, you almost forgot about him and felt horrible. You looked up at him to see him smiling down at you. "Hi." 

"Hi," he said back and brushed the hair from your forehead. 

You forgot about the others for a minute and let your hand trail down Joseph's stomach until your fingers were grazing his cock. He tensed at your touch but didn't move. 

"Come closer?" you asked and pushed your lips around him when he did. You started softly, gauging his reaction to see what he liked but as you picked up your speed and saw the change in his expression, you knew. 

You let the length of his shaft slip through your lips and trailed your fingers across his balls, causing him to moan finally. With your other hand, you reached over for Jacob who was busy stroking himself. Without pulling away from Joseph, you waited for Jacob to drop his hand and replaced it with yours. It took you a minute but then you finally matched the rhythm for both and listened joyfully at the appreciative noises that filled the air. 

Meanwhile, John was now prying your knees apart, impatient as ever. He didn't give you any warning before he stabbed into you, causing you to whine against Joseph who reached down to touch your hair soothingly. Your legs were lifted and thrown over John's shoulders. Hands reached down and ran under your ass as you were lifted slightly to allow a better angle. Every thrust brought a moan from your lips, so it was no surprise when Jacob let you know he was close. You pulled back from Joseph and let Jacob come to you, slipping into your waiting lips and spilling deep in your throat. He ran a hand over your cheek as his hips bucked involuntarily and his eyes shut tightly. You tried to let him stay there until he was relaxed but your second orgasm snuck up on you and you pulled back, crying out for John who was now cumming himself. He grabbed at your thighs so hard you knew you'd have bruises but you grabbed his hands and forced him to dig in deeper to your skin. John's eyes widened when he realized what you were doing but his surprised expression was quickly replaced with a devious smile. 

"You enjoy pain almost as much as me, don't you kitten?" he purred as he leaned down and kissed you hard. 

"Mmm hmm," you agreed and pushed up at him slightly, turning to Joseph who was tugging at his cock while he watched. "Now, let your brother in." 

John sighed and pushed up from the bed and was quickly replaced with Joseph who climbed on the bed and turned you over to your stomach. His hands reached down and pulled your hips up to him, up and off the bed before he slid into you. His movements were rough and fast and he fucked you without mercy as you moaned into the mattress below you. But your moans were quickly replaced with whines as he deepened his thrusts and hit you at an almost painful angle. 

Joseph didn't slow down, even after hearing your discomfort but you felt a hand run through your hair, trying to calm you. When you looked up, Jacob was staring down at you. 

"Just a little longer," he said and continued to stroke your locks. You gave him a smile, letting him know you were okay. "That's my girl." 

You turned to see where John was - he was being surprisingly quiet. When you met his eyes, he dropped to his knees next to the bed and kissed you while Joseph hammered away at you from behind. 

"Joseph, gentle... please. I can't take much more," you pleaded over your shoulder. 

"Say it again," he panted but didn't slow his strokes. 

You groaned and pushed against John's chest with the side of your face, burying it into his skin. "I can't take it... please..." 

Just then, you finally felt him stop deep inside of you and his body shuddered. His fingers kneaded at your hips over the bruised skin John had left but then he finally released his hold on you and eased you down to the mattress as he pulled out. You laid face down, completely exhausted but satisfied. 

"Move over a bit," John said into your ear and helped you roll over as he laid down next you to and brought you to his chest. Jacob sat on the floor next to you and ran a hand down your back. Sneaking a peek over your shoulder at him, you smiled in appreciation for his touch. 

"I have to go but John, maybe we could all have dinner with you tonight?" Joseph asked as he started to dress. 

"Of course," he agreed. 

Joseph leaned down and kissed the top of your head and disappeared down the hall without another word. 

"Well, that was weird," you said to no one in particular. 

"Very," Jacob agreed. "No scoot that fine ass over so I can lay down." 

"We're not all going to fit!" you laughed but Jacob was already trying to squeeze his big frame onto the the bed behind you. "Jacob!" 

"Jesus!" John yelled as he nearly got pushed over the edge. You grabbed hold of him, trying to steady him and you both pushed back against Jacob who continued to argue that there was enough room.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahh, fluff and smut... And more fluff. It's a proverbial fluffer nutter sandwich that I just can't stop making.

"I'll meet up with you soon," Joseph said from the doorway of the church. "I'd like to bring Faith as well so we can have the whole family."

"Sure," John said as he took your hand and led you to his SUV. He opened the door and held it open for you. You looked to Jacob but he was already in his truck, gesturing for you to the go with John. You hopped in and let him close the door behind you. 

After he got into the drivers seat and started driving for home, he turned to you and gave a genuine smile. "Alone at last." 

"How have you been? I've been worried but I didn't want to radio you.. I know you're busy." 

"Better. I've been watching the deputy, it's only a matter of catching him and bringing him in," John told you. 

"Maybe I could help?" 

"You could stay with me for while?" John asked hopefully. He kept his eyes on the road but you could see the longing in them. Of all the brothers, John needed a human connection the most, you determined. It was no wonder he was addicted to sex and drugs when Joseph finally tracked him down in Atlanta. You hoped he would never revert back to that but wouldn't be surprised if it did. 

"I'll try asking... but you need to back me up. He doesn't seem to want me far from the Compound and really, how can I say no to him? I'm supposed to be protecting him." 

'I know, and I will," John stopped and stayed quiet for a long time as he whipped through the dirt roads of the Valley and finally pulled up in front of the ranch. 

"What are you thinking?" you asked. 

He stared out the windshield for a minute but then he finally turned his face to yours. "Are you in love with Joseph?" 

"No," you said quickly. "I turned to him when you weren't around. I was so lonely... but it's different. I don't love him."

"But, Jacob..." 

"John, I'm sorry. I know this isn't fair to either of you. I've tried but I can't shut my emotions off. It's so confusing..." 

"It's fine," he said. "I just wanted to know." 

"You know I love you too, don't you?" you admitted. You had told him earlier but it was in the middle of an argument and you felt that it needed repeating. For John, you probably couldn't tell him enough. 

"Why?"

You were about to answer but Jacob's truck pulled up behind you and he laid on the horn. John reached his hand out the window and flipped him off. 

"Can we talk later?" you asked before he jumped out of the vehicle. John nodded but didn't say anything. 

"That fucking heavy foot of yours. You're not taking our girl with you next time, driving like that," Jacob said when he finally reached you and threw an arm around you lazily. 

"How about we focus on the more pressing issue right now... what are you making for supper? I'm starving," you told John. 

He led you both into the house and asked you to remove your shoes (naturally) before he could allow you in. Jacob rolled his eyes but did as he asked and so did you. He plunked down on one of John's couches before asking if he had anything to drink. 

"It's a dry community," John reminded him from the other side of the room. 

"I know that." 

"Bottom cupboard on the left," John sighed and took a seat in one of the armchairs. 

When Jacob returned, he was carrying three glasses of what smelt like dark rum. You took a sip and grimaced at the taste but continued to sip at it, appreciating the feeling it was sending over you already. 

"Would you mind helping me with dinner later?" John asked you. 

"I'd love to." 

"Knock knock!" a singsong voice called from the door. 

The three of you downed your glasses quickly to hide the evidence as Faith and Joseph walked into the room. She was adorned in white lace and flowers as she normally was and wore the brightest smile you could imagine. 

"John, I'm so excited to have you cook for us," she said as she reached down and tried hugging him. He put one hand up over her shoulder and patted it unenthusiastically. She turned and greeted Jacob but didn't try the same on him. You wondered why that was. 

"Sister," she continued and sat down on the couch next to you, embracing you tightly. You felt so badly for her that you squeezed back. She made a satisfied "mmm" sound against your hair and then finally let go. "You look as beautiful as ever." 

"So do you... you always do," you told her. When Joseph sat finally, you turned and nodded towards him. "Hi." 

"Hopefully we didn't keep you waiting too long. We took our time on the roads," he explained but kept his eyes on yours. 

John stood and held his hand out to you, "We're just going to make dinner. Make yourselves at home." 

Taking his hand, you followed John into the kitchen and watched as he poked around in the fridge and cupboards and then back to the fridge. 

"I didn't expect company," he said with his head now in the freezer. 

"Okay, out of the way handsome," you told him as you hip chucked him out of the fridge. You searched until you found some carrots and a turnip and onion. In the bottom of the fridge was a package wrapped in brown paper. You held it up to him, questioningly. 

"Pork," he said, knowing what you were asking. 

"There ya go... We'll just cook all this up in one pan in the oven. Easy peasy." 

John moved aside again as you removed the ingredients and placed them on the counter, making several trips when you found some potatoes in the cupboard and some herbs in the crisper of the fridge. He dug through the cupboards next to the stove until he found a large roasting pan and cutting board. Before you could take over, he grabbed the carrots from your hands and started to give them a rough chop. 

"Must you always take charge?" 

"Don't you like that?" he asked while still focusing on his task. 

"I do, but maybe I like being in control every once in awhile too," you told him and sank down to the floor in front of him. You pushed him back from the counter slightly and rested on your knees so that you were hidden from the other side. 

"What are you doing?" he asked coyly. 

"Nothing." 

Before he had a chance to protest, if he even would, you kissed him through his jeans a few times, bringing your eyes up to gauge his reaction. He had placed the knife down on the block and was now watching you with desire behind his eyes. The next time you brought your face back to kiss him, you felt a slight twitch against your lips. 

Unzipping his jeans, you pulled him out gently until he was touching your lips. You placed a light kiss on the head of his cock and watched as he sucked in a breath of air, watching you with his sky blue eyes. 

"I love watching you. Have I ever mentioned that?" he asked softly as to not let the others hear him. 

You nodded but chose not to speak, busying yourself instead with taking care of him. Every kiss you gave him hardened him against your mouth until he was fully erect and ended up grabbing at the back of your head. 

"Patience," you told him and opened your mouth just wide enough to take the tip, circling your tongue gently. 

You knew he wanted you to take it all but he still moaned to let you know he enjoyed what you were doing. You both kept your eyes on one another the whole time until you heard footsteps nearing the kitchen. His eyes darted to the door and then to you but you didn't stop for a minute. 

"John, I've come to help with dinner," Faith said cheerfully from the doorway. 

"I've got it under control but thank you," he explained, chopping away at the carrots again. 

"Are you sure? I really don't mind." 

"Yes, (y/n) will be back in a minute to help. Thank for your offer." 

You peeked up to see John's usual fake smile as he stopped chopping to give Faith his full attention but you didn't hear her leave. You decided to have a bit of fun and moved your lips down the shaft of John's cock, sucking hard as you went. His smile only left for a split second while he supressed a groan but then it was back again. 

"May I ask you something?" she asked. 

You watched a look of annoyance flood over his face but he agreed and you heard the stool on the either side of the counter pull from its place under the counter's ledge. 

"I'm worried about (y/n) and Joseph. He talks about her so often... I know he must be with other women but what if he wants to replace me?" she said worriedly. 

You stopped what you were doing, feeling too guilty to do this while Faith was having a break down. 

"He won't. Faith, he knows how devoted you are to him, he would be a fool to jeopardize that."

"Yes, but she is too, isn't she? This exact same thing happened with Selena. But when he found me... John, what if he's in love with her?" 

You watched John set down the knife with a dark look crossing his face. His jaws clenched and he stared down at the knife as he twirled it on the cutting board. "She's mine and he will never take her away from me. You've nothing to worry about, please believe that." 

"Oh! John, I didn't know. That's such good news... for me, but especially for you. I'm truly happy for you. She's perfect." 

"I need a couple minutes, please," John said, still staring down at his knife. 

You heard the stool push back and then back into place as she agreed and apologized, slipping from the room. When she was gone, John turned his attention to you. 

"Why did you stop?" he asked. His expression had softened a bit but that terrifying look that had just flashed over his face still lingered slightly. 

"I didn't feel right..." you explained but got back to work while he looked at you expectedly. 

You let him rock his hips against you this time, sliding every inch he had in and then back out quickly. He cupped your chin and stroked your hair with the other hand as he pumped against your waiting mouth. 

"I'm yours," you whispered when you were finally able to pull back a bit. 

"Tell me again," he growled as he pushed back in a few times but then pulled back to let you speak again. 

"I'm yours... I've always been yours."

"Fuck," he breathed as he dipped his head back, shutting his eyes tightly but never releasing his grip in your hair. 

His cock throbbed against your tongue and you felt him cum hard and fast. He held you in place, cutting off your airways completely but finally pulled back, leaving you gasping for air. When he stuffed himself back in his pants, he helped you to your feet. You kissed him softly but pulled back to bring him into a hug. 

"And you're mine, John Seed," you told him, finishing your previous thought. 

"I love you too," he whispered as he held you closer. "I'm sorry I didn't say it earlier." 

You both stood in each other's arms for the longest time. His hands ran through your hair and yours down his back as you rested your cheek against his shoulder.


	23. Chapter 23

"Dinner is finally served," you announced as you carried the plates in and John followed behind with the platter of sliced pork roast and vegetables. 

"Bout time, were you out back killing the thing?" Jacob asked. 

You pushed the plate into his hands and stuck your tongue out at him. "You literally have no idea how to cook, so shut it." 

"This looks great, thank you both," Joseph commented as you handed him his plate. He smiled warmly at you and you returned it with a smile of your own. 

Joseph had taken his place at the head of the table with Jacob to one side and Faith to the other. Rather than rock the boat, you took a seat next to Faith, setting her plate down in front of her and leaving one for you. 

"Do you cook a lot?" she asked as you both waited for Jacob to take his share, since he basically ripped the food from John's hands before he set it down. 

"I do when I'm home, which hasn't been much lately."

"Are you staying at the ranch?" 

"No, I'm at the Compound right now. But I was here for awhile, and then at the Veteran's Center. Just thrown all over the place I guess," you told her when Jacob passed you the platter. 

Faith looked back and forth between you and Jacob, catching him as he winked at you. You took your share and handed the plate to Faith. You watched as she handed it off to Joseph first before serving herself, which definitely rubbed you the wrong way. 

"Joseph, John and I were talking about the deputy. If you're okay with me leaving for a bit, I'd like to help track him down." 

"If you think that's best," he said as he handed the platter back to Faith and rubbed a hand over hers in the process. 

"I'll help," Jacob added in. 

"I'm sure we can manage," John told him but Jacob shook his head. 

"There's enough bedrooms. You know no one can track like I can. You need me," Jacob argued as he shovelled a potato into his mouth and smiled back at you with his cheeks full. 

You giggled a bit but kept your eyes from John, hoping not to step on his toes. 

"Honestly, it sounds like you both have it under control. Maybe I could just go home for a bit?" you said, unable to stop yourself from poking the fire. 

"No," Jacob and John both said in unison. 

"You could come home with me! It would be nice to have your company," Faith chimed in. 

"No," John said again. 

You turned to Faith and you both chuckled. Her laugh was light as air yet you could sense sadness behind it. You decided you would need to spend some extra time with Faith going forward too because apparently it was you sole responsibility to comfort every Seed, even the adopted ones. 

"I can pack some of your items and have them sent to you when I get back home," Joseph offered. 

"That would be great, thanks." 

"Where are you staying at the Compound?" Faith asked, looking between you and Joseph. 

He chose to answer for you, "She's set up in the room next to mine in the church." 

You watched as Faith's breath started to quicken but she nodded and excused herself from the room. 

Jacob watched after her but the other brothers kept their focus on their meals. 

"Joseph," you said quietly and leaned over, placing your hand over his to get his attention. "She needs you." 

"Yes, you're right. Excuse me please," he said as he ran a hand over your cheek and left the table. 

When he and Faith were both out of the room, Jacob gave you both a weird look.

"She thinks (y/n) will be the new Faith," John explained as he carved into his meat. 

"Why would she think that? What happened?" 

"Nothing happened," you told him. "But he does have a track record of replacing Faiths. No wonder she's nervous."

"Well you're not going to be the next," Jacob said firmly and pushed his plate away. "I'm not going to see you drugged out of your mind like that." 

"Same," John agreed. 

You looked between them and smiled while biting your lower lip. "You guys are adorable." 

You couldn't help but beam but they both scowled back at you. 

\---

The dishes were done after you dragged Jacob into the kitchen and forced him to help since John cooked dinner for the most part. He tried cornering you, then he tried pushing you against the counter while he pulled at your clothes and finally he kissed at your neck while you filled the sink but you kept slapping at him, telling him to be patient. He finally caved in and grabbed the dish dryer. 

Now that you were heading back to the dining room, Joseph announced that he would be taking Faith home. They were holding hands as they left so you assumed their talk had gone well. Before he left, Joseph hugged you all and told you again that he would send your belongings but that you'd be welcomed back to your room when you were ready. You all watched them leave and closed the locked door behind them before Jacob grabbed you from behind and started dragging you upstairs. 

"Listen, if you're going to be staying here, I'd prefer some ground rules," John called after you. 

"Such as?" Jacob asked as he bit at your ear lobe. 

"This is too obvious. You'd be upset if I was doing the same.. at least be courteous." 

You pulled out of Jacob's arms and hung your head slightly. He was one hundred percent right. Early in your relationships, you hid your actions from the others but it had been since they started sharing you sexually that you had changed and you were ashamed that you had. 

"I'm sorry," you told him. 

"Same," you heard Jacob say behind you. 

"Whatever," John snorted and took off outside. 

You watched him go but then Jacob was pulling at you again to go upstairs with him. 

"You know I can't," you said. 

"Fuck, I know," he sighed. "I'll head home and grab some clothes. Don't be forgetting about me." 

"Come see me in my room later," you told him and pulled up to kiss him. 

You both went outside - Jacob to his truck and you to search for John. You knew of course where he'd be. When Jacob's truck was out of sight, you headed to the hangar and sure enough, found John pacing at one side of the plane. You didn't call to him but chose instead to wrap your arms around him from behind when you caught up to him. He resisted at first but then he finally slowed and came to a stop, letting you hold him. 

"I'm sorry," you said against his shoulder. 

"I'm trying..." 

"I know you are. I wasn't thinking... I just get confused sometimes when we're all together at one moment but then you don't want us to be another. I'm fine keeping all of this separate but you guys keep... That's no excuse, I'm sorry I hurt you." 

"I always think it's going to be a good idea but then we get into it and I hate to see you with them," he explained. 

"I know I have to make a choice..."

He turned and faced you. His eyes were a mixture of anger but also desperation. "I don't want you to choose."

"Why?"

"Because you'll pick him," he spat and pulled out of your arms again. 

You tried to grab him again but he ripped his arm from your grasp and headed outside. Even when you called after him, he refused to turn back.


	24. Chapter 24

"I think maybe you should head down here tomorrow instead," you told Jacob over the radio after you explained briefly what had happened. 

"Yeah, okay," he sighed. You knew Jacob wasn't happy either but at least you wouldn't have to be in damage control with him too. "I'll call tomorrow." 

"Okay. Night Jake." 

"Yep." 

You groaned at his response, knowing both of them were upset now and knowing there wasn't much you could do. You threw yourself back on the couch and waited for an answer or some clarity on what to do but nothing came. 

Jacob was pissed but you figured you could smooth things over tomorrow by giving him some alone time. John on the other hand was a totally different beast. It took awhile for him to calm down and when he got like this, he wouldn't listen to reason. Still, you knew he would grow more impatient the longer you weren't chasing him around. He pretended he needed space but you knew it was some sick game to see how far he could push you while still having you run after him.

You surveyed the grounds and didn't find him anywhere. You checked again in the hangar but he wasn't there either. And he definitely wasn't in the house. You sighed but finally gave in and asked one of his guards if they saw him to which they all said no.

You ran out on to the road and assessed the area, checked the garden and the balconies... it was like John had disappeared. You were ready to give up but then you saw the path you and Joseph had walked before and decided to check down there. Sure enough, you found him sitting on the same overturned tree you had sat on last time you were here. 

"Leave," he hissed when you approached but you ignored his words and sat next to him. You waited a minute, both of you sitting in silence while you collected your thoughts. 

"You're pushing me away," you said finally. "Everytime your temper rears up..." 

He sat quietly, staring at his hands. You waited another minute but the silence was driving you mad. 

"Please just stop doubting my feelings for you. How am I supposed to figure any of this out when I can't even see what we might have through all of our fights?" you told him calmly. 

"You drive me fucking insane sometimes," he said and thrust his hand around your throat tightly. 

You tried pulling back but he kept his hold as he inched his face closer to yours, keeping his eyes on you. With his other hand, he reached out and pulled at the back of your hair, pulling your face up to his so you were forced to look up at him. You knew he would never truly hurt you but watched him with pleading eyes, desperate for him to put all this behind you already. John returned your plea by crushing his lips to yours - his grasp still on your throat and in your hair so you were unable to move. 

His kiss grew more desperate as he forced his tongue against yours and stopped to bite hard at your bottom lip. You whimpered slightly when you tasted blood but he only pulled back to move his teeth to your jawline instead. His hand fell from your throat but he was still entwined in your hair and was now pulling hard to expose your throat to him. 

"Let's go home." 

John shook his head and continued to bite along the side of your neck and down to your shoulder. When the fabric of your t-shirt obstructed his view, he ripped at it until it was being torn off your body and over your head. 

"Not a fucking peep," John ordered as he stood up and dragged you with him, pushing you face first into a tree and wrapping your arms around it. "Keep them there." 

You heard a rustle of clothing and soon John was moving to the front of the tree to wrap your wrists with his belt. His pants were undone but still around his waist. You shot him a grin when you saw he was already hard and pressing uncomfortably against his jeans. 

"Enjoying yourself?" he asked as he ran a hand across your cheek and to your bottom lip that was still trickling blood. His thumb rubbed over the wound and a look of pure delight spread across his face. 

"Not yet," you told him. 

His eyes widened the slightest bit but he pulled himself away from you and to your back again, pulling your jeans down without unbuttoning them. His hands grabbed at your thighs and spread your legs as wide as they could go with your ankles still wrapped up in your pants. Intrusivly, his fingers opened you for him and he sent his cock plunging into you full force. You tried to move away slightly but he had you restricted in every way. When you tried to shift against him again, he grabbed your hips and squeezed forcefully, grunting as he pushed into you again. His strokes were slow but hard and the each one forced you to shut your eyes at the pressure you felt coursing through you. It was a balance of pain and pleasure you had only experienced once with him before but one you had craved since. 

"You're mine," he growled as he grabbed at your hair again and brought your cheek up the rough bark of the tree. "You're fucking mine." 

"Yes," you agreed. Your breath started to quicken as you felt yourself reach your peak and your legs began to shake. 

You were sure you would fall over but John kept you pinned to the tree as you pushed back against him and cried out as you came around him. He didn't slow or stop or give you time to relax, even for a second as his pace continued to pick up speed. You heard his groans grow louder and soon his hand was around your throat again and he was finding his own release inside of you. You felt his cock throb slightly and then he pulled out again, a little too quickly. You listened while he pulled up his pants and then he was reaching for his belt as he untied you and replaced it between his belt loops. You reached down for your jeans; by the time they were around your waist again, John was heading back up the path without a single word. 

"What the fuck, John?!" you called after him but he didn't acknowledge you in the slightest.


	25. Chapter 25

You stood in the middle of the trees, now fully dressed but questioning what to do. You had already chased John for far too long and even though you thought you had made a breakthrough with him, he was now being as petty as ever. You didn't mind trying to smooth things over once but you refused to beg. Never again. 

You would go home, you decided. It would be a long walk from John's ranch but you'd be damned if you asked him for a drive. At this point, you weren't even going to tell him you were leaving. Let him chase you for a change. 

You took off down his driveway and on to the road but then you realized you didn't have a weapon and darted into the trees instead, taking short cuts when you could. The sun was retreating behind the trees and soon it would be difficult to navigate the woods. 

The longer you walked, the angrier you got and the angrier you got, the more distracted you became. That's what you told yourself when you didn't hear the footsteps behind you or sense the presence of the three people who had been stalking you for who knows how long. When you were forced into the open, they made their move and struck a blow to the back of your head that dropped you to your knees. Panic and confusion spread over you but before you were able to spring to your feet, you had the three of them grabbing you and dragging you off the road where a fourth person waited with hand cuffs and duct tape. Your eyes widened when you recognized the deputy and two of the three people with him as Jerome and Mary May. You didn't recognize the third but the other two were well known in the county. 

"My truck is nearby," the deputy announced. It was the first time you had heard him speak, oddly. "Make sure she doesn't run off before we get there. This is the best bait we'll ever get to bring John out to play." 

Rough hands grabbed at you and dragged you through the brush. You struggled and dug in your heels, thrashed in their grasp and kicked... anything you could do to make this harder on them but ultimately they overpowered you and you were soon sitting in the back of the truck bed with your captors. You kept an eye on the road signs and soon figured out they were taking you to Falls End. How predictable. 

\---

"Tape her arms to the chair," Mary May barked at their third accomplice as he handcuffed you to it. 

"I don't think she'll be getting out of those..." Jerome tried to reason but she shook her head again and waited as your arms were duct taped as well. 

They had brought you to the Spread Eagle and thrown you in a back room, setting you up for the deputy to interrogate you probably. You weren't sure exactly what they expected from you but you wouldn't give them anything. Even though your anger towards John was now surpassing what it was in the woods, now that you were kidnapped thanks to him, you would never turn him in. 

"Her feet too?" the other man asked. 

"No, she's fine," Jerome added without looking to his friend. You were grateful at his somewhat gentle approach. The less they used to retrain you, the easier it would be to escape. 

"Has she spoken?" the deputy asked when he entered the room and closed it quietly behind him. 

"We haven't asked her anything yet. Been waiting on you, Rook," Mary May explained and reached a hand over to the duct tape over your mouth and tore it quickly. You gritted your teeth at the sting but remained quiet. 

"I'm sorry to have to do this to you, but when we were setting up surveillance around John's ranch, we noticed you a few times. At first I thought maybe you were just another Peggie, there to protect the family," he said as he paced but then turned to you with a smile. "But no... that's not it at all is it? I'd say the lovers quarrel I witnessed earlier may have given me all the confirmation I needed." 

"What exactly is it you're looking for? You apparently know where he is, since you're lurking in the woods like a bunch of creeps, so what's the hold up?" 

"True. We could just go and rush the place but there's the possibility of him escaping. I need his key... and him attached to it. You'll be the bait I need to draw him out." 

You faked a loud laugh and stared at your audience, "John fucking Seed doesn't give a shit about anyone, let alone me. You think he can't find some pussy somewhere else? He wouldn't risk his life for me." 

Mary May reached out and punched you hard in the jaw, sending your head back against the wooden chair before Jerome pulled her back. 

"As possessive as John is, he'd care about his fuck toy," she spat. 

The deputy held up his hand to silence her and bent down beside you. He studied your face for awhile, apparently trying to read you though you weren't sure what he was looking for. 

"I saw Jacob there too today. In fact, awhile ago, some of my men saw you getting into a truck with Joseph as well. There's something more here, though I'm not sure what. But listen," he said as he stood up again. "If you give us the information we need, we'll let you go. I'm after the Seeds... they need to be put down at this point like the rabid dogs they are. You on the other hand, I don't care about. Let me finish my task and take my friend's home and you'll be a free woman." 

"What information?" you asked, curious as to what he wanted. 

"Where is Joseph hiding? I don't think he's stupid enough to stay at the Compound so where is his hideout?" 

"Dunno," you said casually. 

"That's a lie. Okay, let's try another - where is Jacob's hideout?" 

"I've never been there... I honestly have no idea," you lied again. 

"Another lie," he said and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Please don't test my patience." 

You glanced around the room at the others. Two of the three of them seemed more nervous than angry but Mary on the other hand was itching to hit you again, you could sense it. 

"John's talked about you before," you told her, keeping unbroken eye contact. "He said he would like nothing more than to hang your skin on his bedroom wall so that he could wake up to you every morning."

She jumped forward again and grabbed at you, slashing her nails across your face but the deputy hauled her back this time and asked her to leave the room. When she finally nodded, he asked the same of the others. 

"He's right isn't he? You are wrathful," you commented when you were finally alone. 

"Perhaps. But if anything, he's made me this way. Everyday I see the victims, the lives that have been torn apart or taken. No matter what I do, Joseph and his brothers just seem to slip through my fingers. If he had only been arrested, this might all be over but now he has my friends. They're my family... you get that don't you? How can I not defend these people?" 

"I get it, look.. I really do. But in the process, you and your friends are killing innocents on our side too. Many if them have never killed anyone before yet their lives have been snuffed out. Neither side is right. You... you are not right." 

"You're wrong," he said and left the room, slamming it behind him. 

You looked around for anything that may help you out of your constraints but the room was empty. You strained at the duct tape and hand cuffs but they were tighter than anything and you couldn't move an inch. 

"Fuck me," you muttered and settled in for what you assumed to be a long night.


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for the kudos (I can't believe it's nearly 100 now). And it honestly makes me so giddy to see new comments in my inbox everyday, you have no idea! You guys sure know how to make a girl feel special! ❤️❤️❤️ Thanks everyone!!!

You woke the next day, slumped over in your chair with your neck cramped in the worst way. You were exhausted, thirsty and had to pee but no one was around. 

"Hello?" you yelled, hoping it was loud enough for someone to hear you. 

A couple minutes went by but then Mary May came storming in the door. "Would you shut up in here?" 

"I'm going to piss myself. Can I not get a bucket or something?" 

"No, you'll have to use the bathroom here. Hold still," she huffed and left the room to return with the deputy again. 

"Don't try anything," he said as he cut through the duct tape and unlocked your handcuffs. "There's a dozen people out front with the order to shoot you on sight if you run."

You rolled your eyes but nodded as they helped you up and to the bathroom. Once inside, they both stood guard of the stall. After you were done and your hands were washed, they escorted you back to the makeshift prison cell. Your hands were cuffed again but they didn't bother with the duct tape this time, much to your relief. 

"Well, since you're up, let's try this again, okay?" the deputy asked. "Where is Joseph?" 

"I seriously don't know," you lied again. You forced yourself to make eye contact in hopes that he would buy it. 

"And Jacob?"

"In the mountains somewhere? I don't fucking know." 

"Are you fucking all of them?" Mary May interrupted. "Just curious." 

"No," you said. You decided to just lie your way through all of this. It would never matter what you said anyway. 

The deputy paced a bit, each time he passed you, he looked down with pity on his face. "Every day that goes by that you don't answer the questions, I'm going to have to do something, you know that right? Maybe John would like to see you carved up like he did to so many people I know." 

"Do what you have to," you told him. 

"Are you lying to me?" he asked. 

"No," you lied again but he shook his head and pulled a small switchblade from his pocket. 

"Pull her shirt up please," he instructed Mary who did so quickly. 

When your stomach was exposed, he ran a hand over one side and brought the blade to the skin, letting you know this was your last chance. When you refused again, he carved into your flesh roughly, taking his time in hopes that you would change your mind. You bit the inside of your cheek and groaned but refused to speak or even scream for that matter. You wouldn't give them the satisfaction. 

It seemed like an hour had passed but finally he stood and looked down at his handy work, as he spoke to Mary May, "Fitting." 

She nodded but you refused to look down. Instead, you kept your eyes on them while you maintained your composure. 

"We'll be back later," he said as he motioned for his companion to join him. 

When they were both gone, you allowed your posture to slump and you glanced down at the new scars on your body that spelt out the word "liar". 

\---

Later into the day, Jerome made his way in the visit you with a sandwich and a glass of water. He helped you eat and you thanked him sincerely for his kindness. 

"You can stop all of this right now," he tried reasoning once you were done your meal. 

"Would you turn your family in?" you asked him. 

He thought for a second but then hung his head slightly. "No." 

"I know you can't understand this but I care about them, okay? Apparently there's not reason to lie anymore... how can I just sign off on their death sentences like that?" 

"They're worth your own life?" 

"I won't hand them over." 

He sat back cross legged on the floor and sighed lightly. "They're planning to use you as bait for John. They debated on which of the brothers to call out but they think he would be the one to act on emotion more than the others." 

"Well, they're not wrong but it's over between us," you said and focused on your lap, willing yourself to cry. With everything that was happening, it didn't take long for them to surface. "He found someone else. He doesn't want me anymore... The fucking asshole sent me out on the road without anything... No clothes, not even a weapon to defend myself. He's the most unfeeling human I've ever met.. even though I still.... fuck." 

Jerome pulled himself closer to you and put a hand over yours. "You love him." 

"I shouldn't but I can't help it," you said as your tears came faster and you weeped openly. "You might as well kill me because he won't come for me. I don't have anyone now... I don't even have a home anymore." 

"It's okay," he said, trying to calm you. "We'll take care of you. I have a spare room... you can help us end this all. Just give the deputy the information he needs to find Joseph."

"I would but I really don't know. He's at the Compound sometimes I think but John's never told me where he stays. I think he has a bunker but I'm not sure," you lied again, hoping to use his softer more empathetic side against him. 

"This is the truth?" he asked, peering up at your tear soaked cheeks. 

"Yes," you said, meeting his eyes. 

He nodded and stood up, reaching down for the plate and cup and excused himself. Outside, you heard him arguing with Mary May that he really didn't think you knew anything and then he spilled about your confession for loving John and your supposed break up, which of course Mary May didn't buy. She was a smart woman. They discussed it for a little longer but then their voices quieted and stopped altogether. You strained to hear but there was nothing but silence. 

Still, the conversation you had with the pastor gave you new hope. He may be the key to getting out of here.


	27. Chapter 27

"John Seed. I know you're listening... I'm sure you don't recognize my voice because I've ignored your insane ramblings but I think it's time I introduce myself. If you're there, let me know," the deputy said into the radio at his mouth. 

You weren't sure what time it was but you were exhausted and sore and your stomach was now growling so you assumed it must be late. The deputy had just walked in with Jerome and Mary May again and they announced they were ready to try a different tactic. 

"John. This is important. Trust me when I say you will want to hear what I have to say," he tried again. 

"Ahh, deputy... here I thought you had been avoiding me. Tell me, what does my pestiferous little gnat want exactly?" John asked when he finally emerged from the shadows and chose to entertain the deputy. 

"I have your friend. Sending her out into the Valley without a gun probably wasn't the smartest move you've made. Either way, we've been taking care of her but I think it's time she goes home, don't you?" 

There was a pause on the other end but then he finally came back, "I have no idea who you're referring to." 

Everyone in the room glanced back to you but you reminded them you had told them he would react this way.

"Drop the act," the deputy spat, finally snapping. He kept his finger on the button as he motioned to Mary May who punched you hard in the stomach, right at the spot where your flesh was still bleeding from his earlier assault. 

You let out a loud whimper but turned to her and spit in her direction, "Fuck you!" 

"Sound familiar?" the deputy asked. 

"Look, I'm not sure what you're getting at but she's your problem now. If you want me, you know where I am," John said. 

The deputy tried coaxing him to speak further but the radio remained silent from John's end. You stared at the radio, wondering if he was putting on a show or if he really felt that way. He had told you he loved you not so long ago but he also housed so much anger towards you when you left that you weren't sure anymore. Before you could stop them, the last of your tears fell. 

"Tomorrow we'll try Jacob. If he responds the same, you get another set of scars," the deputy said and left the room again with Mary May on his heels. Jerome have you a concerned look but left as well, leaving you alone in the pitch black room by yourself. 

\---

"Jacob Seed. If you're listening, let me know. This is the junior deputy." 

After you were woken early (you assumed) and allowed a bathroom break and a dry piece of toast, you were cuffed again and told it was time to try one of the other brothers. They had already tried a half dozen times but Jacob was not responding. Every time their attempts came back empty handed, you were either back handed or kicked at. The last time, one of the women who was now in the room let a blade slide down the side of your neck and to your collarbone, just deep enough to leave a scar. 

Finally Jacob came back with a response. Your pace quickened when you heard him, praying he wouldn't give in to their trap. 

"The deputy who thinks he's a soldier... you've been nothing but a blip on my radar so don't think you're anything special. You don't get to call me out whenever you want," he said with utter calmness in his voice. 

"Your girl's here," he said, cutting to the chase. You could tell he was growing impatient. 

"You'll have to elaborate, I have many," Jacob told him. 

_Yes, Jake. Don't give in, _you thought. 

"You know who I mean, though you may not recognize her now after the beatings I've been laying on her. I'll tell you the same thing I told your brother... if you want her left alive, you'll arrange a place to meet. Let's just cut to the chase here." 

He waited but Jacob didn't say anything further. Minutes passed until it became painfully obvious that Jacob wasn't going to come for you. The deputy threw the radio, smashing it against the wall and screamed incoherently. 

"Give her another to match her first," he said as he waved a hand to your side, storming from the room to leave you alone with the woman who had cut your neck. 

She pulled up your shirt to see what he was referring to but smiled when she saw it. 

"You deserve every bit of punishment you're getting for what you've done, you God damned Peggie," she snarled. 

Before you could think of something smart to say, she unlocked one of your cuffs and pushed you from your seat. Your muscles were so stiff from sitting for two days that you collapsed to the floor with your other hand still cuffed to the opposite arm of the chair. She pinned you to the ground and straddled you from behind. You knew even if you struggled, you couldn't get away so you let her do what she needed to and gritted your teeth through the pain as she carved something into your upper back, not far from where John had carved "lust" long ago. 

"Fuck," you finally screamed as she pulled the blade deeper into your skin. 

"There... that's fitting for John's whore," she spat and kicked you hard in the ribs. "You deserve to die for what you all did to my family." 

You laid motionless, waiting for her to leave and after another kick, she did. As you had hoped, she forgot to handcuff your other hand to the chair. You watched the door but crept forward on your stomach until you grabbed the sharp piece of metal that caught your eyes earlier. It had snapped from the busted radio. 

It took some time but finally someone found you back on the floor and placed the other handcuff around your opposite wrist. But by that time, you had already picked the other lock and had closed the cuff enough to look like it was locked. Now it was time to start on the other.


	28. Chapter 28

The confidence the deputy and his people had was astounding, borderline cocky really. They left you alone for the rest of the day other than when Jerome brought in something for you to eat and a glass of water. You refused both, not wanting to have to ask for a bathroom break, knowing they'd find your unlocked cuffs. You hoped they'd leave you alone after that and sure enough, they did. 

The room was now pitch black and the sound of the rowdy bar customers had now petered out. You waited for what you estimated to be another hour and then twisted out if the cuffs and dragged yourself to your feet the best you could. Your body was stiff and sore from the infections that you knew were most likely setting into your open wounds. The heat from the unknown word on your back had been radiating through your shirt all night. 

After peeking under the door and seeing the room outside was dark, you felt your way up to the door handle and jiggled it. You had to stop yourself from laughing at their stupidity when you found it unlocked. The door pushed open quietly as you surveyed the bar. The lights were all off except for a neon beer sign in one window. The place was empty. 

Keeping your footsteps light, you snuck below the ledge of the bar and reached for the door handle leading outside. When you pushed it open, a figure outside caught your attention and you closed it again, as silently as possible, praying they hadn't seen you. But when they opened the door, you knew you had no choice but to hide. 

You held your breath and pressed yourself against the wall as the door swung open and a half dozen figures rushed into the room. Their footsteps were so light that if you weren't staring at them, you wouldn't have know they were there.

When the door finally closed behind them, you heard a familiar whistle and knew you didn't have to hide anymore. 

"Jake," you whispered, barely audible thanks to your parched lips and dry throat. 

You were sure he wouldn't hear you but you saw the figure in the front stand up and whip around. When you stepped out of the shadows, you saw him push past the others and grab you, pulling you into his chest. 

"Gentle," you scolded, knowing he wouldn't have been able to see your wounds but they hurt nonetheless when he pressed against them. 

"We have to leave. Now," he said as he opened the door again and led you outside. 

You limped slightly but he pulled you along until you were across the street and entering the woods. You turned to see his hunters following behind, surveying the area for trouble. 

"Not much further," he assured you as he continued to pull you through the trees but slowed his pace a bit for your benefit. 

When you finally came to the other side, you saw his truck up ahead and breathed a sigh of relief. Without a glance back, he helped you into the truck and took off up the road. It wasn't until you had rounded the corner ahead that he finally looked at you. 

"Fuck," he whispered when he saw your swollen face. 

"It's okay. Just take me home please." 

"No, we're going North," he shot back but you shook your head. 

"Please... I just want to be in my own house." 

He sighed loudly but agreed, asking you to hand him the radio at your side. "I've got her. I'm taking her home. Tell Joseph for me, will ya?" 

"Is she okay? Let me talk to her," John rattled on the other end of the radio. His voice was hoarse and strained, unlike the confident and calm tone he normally held. 

You shook your head and Jacob told him you were resting and shut his radio off before John could protest. 

"I'm so sorry I couldn't get to you earlier. We tried tracking but it wasn't until the deputy called out that I knew where they probably would have taken you," he explained. "I've been looking for you... every second... I'm glad you're okay." 

"I know. I knew you'd find me, Jake. Thank you." 

"Looks like you didn't need me anyhow." 

"Mmm," you rolled your head to the side and closed your eyes, allowing yourself a minute of sleep before you arrived at your cabin. 

\---

"(Y/n), we're here," Jacob was saying as he ran his hand up and down your arm. "Sit still, I'll be around for you." 

You did as he asked, too weak at this point to really argue and leaned back in the seat as he darted in front of the truck and opened your door, easing you down to your feet. 

"Your ribs?" he asked when he saw you wince. You nodded. "I'll get you cleaned up and bandage them. Take your time." 

Jacob took your arm and tried to help you across the lawn but you moved into his arms instead, just taking a moment to enjoy his scent and the familiar feel of his muscles under his shirt. When he reached up to stroke your hair, you felt yourself start to cry again. 

"This is my fault. I shouldn't have left," he said. 

"No," you said but it was a struggle to get much else out. "It's not."

Just then you saw a set up headlights ripping up the path to your cabin. The SUV was parked and before the door was thrown open, you looked to Jacob for help. Without question, he led you to the cabin as John rushed from the vehicle and over to where you were. Before he had a chance to say anything, Jacob reached for the spare key you had hidden and unlocked your door, letting you inside. 

"I can't do this anymore," you said from the open doorway. "With either of you." 

They both stared back at you in disbelief as you closed the door on them and locked it. Slowly, you made your way to the bed and eased into it. Outside, John was busy pounding at the door and begging you to let him in to talk but as tired as you were, it was easy for you to drown it out and finally fall into a decent sleep.


	29. Chapter 29

At a little after 4:00 am, you woke abruptly with a stabbing pain running through your back. You tried to tune it out but it nagged at you enough to wake you fully. You decided it was probably time to assess your wounds and maybe soak in the tub for a bit. There would be lots of time for sleep later. 

When you got to the bathroom, you barely recognized the face that stared back at you from the mirror. The right side was swollen and bruised, your lip bloody and your complexion was pale which made the bags under your eyes stand out even more. You peeked your shirt off and ran a hand over your stomach, noticing the letters had scabbed over and though they were sore, they seemed to be healing. You twisted around in the mirror to see the bruises running up your side - yellow and purple ink splots decorating the skin - and watched in horror as the word "whore" was now inflamed and swollen. You cursed loudly but took to running a bath. 

The water was cool but it stung like a bitch. Forcing yourself to submerge fully, you pawed away at the dried blood on your body and did you best to wash it away. The washcloth you had lathered ran over the wound at your back and you took extra time to ensure it was clean, hoping to fend off the infection you knew was coming. 

When you were finally done, you dried off and dressed in an oversized t-shirt, trying to keep anything constricting from your skin and headed to grab some water. It wasn't until you noticed the truck outside that you realized Jacob was still here. You peeked around but you didn't see him in the truck or outside of it. You decided to open the door to get a better look and were met by Jacob almost falling into the house from the spot he had been sitting, leaning against your door. 

"What are you doing?" you asked him. 

"I'm not leaving you unprotected," he said as he lifted to his feet. "I won't pressure you for anything else but I can't leave knowing you're hurt and exposed out here." 

Your heart hurt, knowing he had been sitting there for hours, watching over you. None of this was his fault but you treated him like it was. 

"Come inside," you offered as you stepped aside and let him in, even though he seemed hesitant to at first. 

"Are you mad at me?" you asked, knowing he'd say no like he always did but wanted to make sure. 

"Honestly? Yes," he said, surprising you. 

"I get it," you said and walked back to your bed, not wanting to stand for too long. Jacob didn't follow you. "It wasn't right for me to lump you in with John. I was just so mad at him." 

He remained silent, even when you looked to him for his input. His face was stoic but there was something in his eyes that made you uneasy. 

"Can you come sit with me?" you asked, unsure how to smooth things over. 

"What did I do?" he asked as he sat a few feet away from you. 

"Nothing. It's just all this fighting and jealousy... I've caused John a lot of pain, that's pretty clear. How else can I fix everything?" Jacob gave you a skeptical look but didn't offer a solution. "If I left and went North with you, I couldn't ever avoid him, you're related. The tension would still be there between he and I and between you both. You'll both be better off without me." 

"If that's what you think," he said and stared at the window at the far side of the room. 

"If there's another solution, please tell me." 

"I'm going to the truck if you need me. I'm not going anywhere," he said as he pushed off the bed and headed for the door. 

Your brain went wild, trying to think of something to say or another solution where things would go back to normal again and John wouldn't absorb you in his jealousy constantly but Jacob was already gone before anything came to mind. 

You laid back in bed, crying again but not because of the physical pain this time. It was the pain in knowing he was so close but that he wasn't yours anymore.


	30. Chapter 30

At some point, you fell back to sleep again and woke mid morning, feeling like a dump truck had hit you. You struggled but forced yourself to get up, your stomach was growling. Before you poked through the cupboards, you peeked out the window to see Jacob still sitting in the truck, staring out the side window. He looked so tired. 

You decided you needed to make him something to eat at least and offer again for him to come inside to sleep. 

Jacob looked up at you as you approached the truck slowly and got out. "You look like shit." 

"Always full of compliments. Will you please come inside and get some sleep? Or go home? You can't just sit here." 

"Yes I can. You can barely move, I'm not leaving." 

"Then come inside, please," you asked him again. 

He put his head back and stared up at the sky, almost like he was searching for answers but finally ran a hand through his beard and sighed, helping you back into the house. 

"Can I make you something to eat?" you asked when he closed the door behind you both and moved to the bed, plopping down with his boots still on. 

"No, I think I'll just get a bit of sleep if that's okay." 

You nodded and let him settle in while you made yourself some crackers and peanut butter, since you really didn't have anything else in the house to eat. As you sat at the counter, you turned sideways so you could watch him. His chest rose and fell softly but his features were still tense and you could see one of his hands had tightened around your blanket. Everything inside of you screamed to go to him but you forced yourself to look away and focus on your breakfast. 

Your thoughts were interrupted by the sound of a vehicle pulling up. You peeked through the window to see Joseph climb out of the back as one of the regulars at the compound parked. You turned to Jacob who was still sleeping and chose to meet Joseph outside as to not wake him. 

"My sweetling, you're okay," he said as he reached you and put his arms around you. "I worried about you every second." 

"I'm okay," you assured him and straightened out of his embrace. "Jacob is sleeping though so maybe we could talk out here?" 

Joseph looked to the front door and then to the truck but finally nodded and led you to the car. He opened the front door and asked the driver if he would mind going for a quick walk while you talked and then turned to help you in the car. When he was inside, he looked at you with concerned eyes through the yellow tint of his glasses. 

"I'm sure I know what you're going to say. John and I have already spoken." 

"I'm sorry, I just can't continue with this. It's unfair to all of us and it's not working... I can't deal with John's jealousy and outbursts any longer. I just feel like I have to distance myself from everyone for a bit, at least until I recover." 

"And Jacob?" 

"I told him the same but he refuses to leave me unprotected, which I guess shouldn't surprise me," you told him. 

"Mmm," Joseph agreed and looked over the bruises on your face. 

"I have not been kind to my youngest brother since I found out you were taken, nor has Jacob. All of this could have easily been avoided if he would stop giving into his rage. But he's a difficult one to change, you know that better than most," Joseph stopped for a minute but continued to study your face. When you glanced away, he continued, "I've enjoyed our moments but I know it wasn't love between us. I would never hold any resentment to you, I hope you know that." 

"Thank you," you said. "I was worried you would all hate me. Jacob's already admitted he's pissed and I can only imagine John's ready to kill me." 

"He's upset but he's only angry with himself," he told you. "He's distraught and lonely for you but that will ease with time." 

You dropped your head to your chest and tried your best to suppress the tears, knowing what your abandonment would mean to John in particular. You thought you were doing the right thing but it hurt you to your core to know you had caused him pain. 

"Please rest up and say hello to Jacob when he wakes. I have some food and supplies for you in the trunk. I'll have them left at your door as to not wake Jacob. They'll be okay there for a bit." 

"Thank you," you said and leaned over to hug him again. 

He ran a hand down your back and squeezed lightly before he let you go back into the house. When the door was closed, sure enough, you heard someone outside your door dropping off your things. 

\---

"What time is it?" Jacob finally asked when he woke. 

You were laying next to him, only because your body ached so much but had given him a lot of distance between you. 

"It's close to supper time," you told him. You had already brought in the groceries and a bag with your belongings from the Compound while he slept. "What would you like to eat?" 

"Don't worry about it," he said as he rolled to his back and stretched out. 

"You haven't eaten all day, I am worried about it," you tried to sit up but the same pain shot through your back and you winced. 

"What is it?" 

"Just my back... I think it might be infected." 

"Here, sit up for me," he said as he helped you up and turned you to face away from him. His hands pulled your shirt over your head until you were bare before him. You heard him suck in a deep breath as he touched at the cuts lightly. "Fuckers..." 

You turned slightly to look over you shoulder and saw an expression of anger spread across his face for the first time. 

"I'll just keep it clean," you told him. 

"Are their others?" 

"Here," you told him and twisted so he could see the other word they had carved. 

"I'll find him and make him pay for this." 

"Jake, it's fine... please don't get upset," you leaned back to the bed and curled up with him, knowing you shouldn't but it was the only thing you could think to do to fix this. 

His hands hovered over your naked body but then he finally caved and placed one on your back. 

"I've fucked everything up."

"No, this is on John and I. You've done nothing wrong." 

"I shouldn't have involved both of..." 

"We knew what we were getting into. None of this is on you," he interrupted.

"I don't want to be away from you guys but I just wish we could make it work somehow." 

"Look, I hate the idea of you with someone else but if it comes down to sharing your time with John or not having you at all, you know what I'd choose. But that's for you to decide," he said. 

You looked up at him and met his blue eyes that mirrored the same pain as yours. Before you could stop yourself, you were reaching up to him and pulling him down to your lips. 

When you finally pulled back, he let you rest your head back on his chest and rubbed along your scars lightly, telling you he would never let you out of his sight again.


	31. Chapter 31

"I'lll be fine here, Jake. You won't be gone long," you tried arguing as he tried convincing you to go back home with him so he could grab medical supplies to help with your wounds. 

"And what if you were followed? They might know you're here. I'm not leaving you alone... it's out of the question," he said stubbornly as he stood next to your stool after supper. His arms were folded tightly over his chest. 

"I have guns here and there's a little crawl space under that rug there if I need to use it," you said, pointing to the floor. "I'll be fine." 

"You're not going to give in, are you?" he asked, staring down at you in annoyance. You shook your head back at him stubbornly. "I won't be long. I'll go right there and back. Don't let anyone in." 

"You sound like you're leaving your teenage daughter at home by herself for the first time. I can handle myself," you told him and stood to push him out the door. When you opened it, you watched John's SUV pull up next to Jacob's truck. "Oh look... I'll have company afterall." 

"I can get rid of him," Jacob offered. 

"Please. I'm not ready for this shit show yet," you gave his hand a squeeze and closed the door on him and the needy look on John's face as he started walking to the door. Leaning into the door, you listened to their conversation. 

"What are you doing?" John asked sharply. 

"Grabbing supplies. That asshole carved her up pretty good, infection's setting in."

You thought you heard John sigh. "I mean here." 

"I just told you. She needs someone here to protect her. She can barely move," Jacob said back, still as calm as ever. "Give her some space, alright?" 

"She ended it with all of us," John hissed and muttered something else but you couldn't make it out. 

"She needs space, John." 

"Jacob, let me by..." 

You heard something brush against the doorframe and then Jacob actually raised his voice, "You almost got her killed! That temper of yours is the worst thing for her so again... give her some fucking space." 

John started to protest again but you couldn't listen to it anymore. Your nerves were completely shot at this point and you couldn't take anymore of this. You opened the door and watched as they both turned to you. 

"For fuck's sake, get in here then," you snapped. John brushed past you and flashed a look to Jacob. "Thank you, Jake." 

"You okay?" he asked. 

"Yeah, I'll see you in a bit." 

You turned back to the cabin and closed the door, watching as John paced with his back to you and his hands looped behind his back. When he heard the door shut, he crossed the room quickly and cupped both sides of your face with his hands. 

"I'm sorry," he said as he ran his thumb over your bruises. "Fuck, I'm so sorry." 

"What do you want?" 

His eyes darted up to yours and a look of utter rejection crossed his features. "I wanted to see you. I was terrified... I searched... every minute, I looked everywhere. What I said on the radio was a lie, I just couldn't jeopardize your safety if they knew what you meant to me." 

"Well, here I am and I'm fine so you can go home," you told him calmly. 

"You don't want me here?" he asked. His hands dropped from your face.

"I'm angry... and I need time," you explained.

John ignored you and took your hand, leading you to the bed and sitting down, pulling you next to him. You resisted at first but finally gave in. 

"Lay it all on me... I deserve it," he said quietly as he stared at the floor like he was being scolded. 

You felt badly at first but your anger flared again, "I don't give two shits if you were mad, you're allowed to be but you fucking used me in the woods, letting me think we were making up when you knew full well you were still pissed. You're fucking sick sometimes. You push me away and I know it's only to see how far you can before I won't come back again but stupidly, I always do. You play with my emotions and you don't ever care about the pain you're causing me until you realize I may leave you. And now that I did, you're suddenly sorry. Not when I was calling after you and never while I was being fucking beaten and carved up." 

You felt hot tears streak your face and pulled up from the bed again but he grabbed you by the waist and pulled you back down, burying his head in your chest and holding you firmly. 

"You're right," he said. 

You let your breath slow down first but when it did, you reached an arm around John and held him back, feeling so foolish in giving in yet again. But this time, he hadn't argued with you and the pain on his face was like nothing you had seen from him before. 

"I don't know if it can go back to what it was," you told him. 

"I want to try," he said weakly. 

"No more possessiveness," you warned. 

"You know I can't..." he started. You tried to pull back but he kept his grip on you. The second time you tried, he looked up at you. "I'll try." 

"I'm such a sucker for you Seeds," you said and planted a kiss on his forehead, wishing you had more will power but at the same time, happy that you didn't.


	32. Chapter 32

"Ready?" John asked as he came out of the bathroom after he ran your bath. 

"You really didn't need to do that, I soaked earlier." 

"Yes, but you're probably still sore. Let me help you undress," he offered as he came to meet you at the foot of the bed. 

You still only had on your oversized t-shirt so his task of undressing you was a fast one. When you were bare, his eyes trailed your body, studying every bruise until he noticed the scars on your side. He reached out and ran along the deep cuts as his eyes narrowed. You watched his jaws clench beneath his beard as his eyes darted over the letters. 

"This is my fault," he said, seething. 

"No, it's not. You didn't force them to do this... they're just so angry at Joseph." 

"If Joseph had let me kill him when I wanted..."

"It might not have stopped anything. Just please stop talking about it. I want to forget." 

He sighed but agreed and led you into the bathroom to the warm water that was awaiting you. Before he let you in, he cupped your face and kissed you softly. 

"John, it's okay," you told him when you pulled back and saw the anger still on his face. 

"What do I do?"

"You help me into the tub and forget about this, at least for a few minutes." 

He nodded and took your hand as you bent down into the water. You truthfully didn't need his help getting in but figured maybe it would make him feel better in some way. When you were finally sitting, he released his hand and knelt next to the tub. His gaze stopped when he finally noticed your back and he moved quickly to inspect it. You turned to see his eyes grow dark and his face fall when he read over the letters. 

"John..." 

"I'm trying," he told you but he wouldn't pull his gaze away. Every passing moment brought a new line to his forehead. You could practically feel the rage radiating from his skin. 

Thankfully, your attention was finally pulled away by Jacob standing in the doorway. He had a duffle bag with him. 

"That was quick," you observed. 

"I think I blew everyone off the road on the way here. Are you guys... Okay?" 

You nodded and turned back to John who was still staring at your wounds. He now had his hand running along the jagged edges, bringing a sting to the skin as he went. 

"We'll have our chance," Jacob told John but he didn't acknowledge his presence. Jacob reached a hand down to his brother's shoulder and pulled him back. "I have to clean that up." 

Without a word, John stood and left the room. You knew he was trying to keep it together, like he had told you but that familiar look on his face was one you knew too well. His thoughts would be turning to ways he could torture the deputy, sure enough. 

"Missed you," you told Jacob when he turned his attention back from the door where he watched John storm out. He closed it gently and knelt beside the tub to where you were. 

"Me too," he said and smiled down at you, though it didn't come close to touching his eyes. You knew him well enough to know he was upset too but holding it together for your sake. "I'm going to wash this up before I put some antibiotic cream on it. It's going to hurt." 

"I know, it's okay." You leaned forward in the tub and wrapped your arms around your knees, setting your cheek on top of them and waiting for the sting of the soap. 

Jacob grabbed a face cloth from the basket next to the tub and soaped it up, watching your face as he gently rubbed it along your back. You cringed slightly but it wasn't as bad as you thought it would be. 

"They're deep," he commented as he dipped the cloth into the water and brought it over your back again. 

"It wasn't the deputy who did it... I didn't recognize the woman who did it." 

He narrowed his eyes but kept silent, concentrating on the task. When he finally finished, he threw the face cloth in the nearby sink and grabbed a towel to dry your back. 

"Just putting something on it to fight the infection, okay?" he put the tube in front of you so you could see it. 

"You're adorable, you know that?" 

"I'm not," he said back gruffly and started to place a thick layer of the cream on your back.

You laughed at him. "Yes you are. Everyone's terrified of you but you're just a fucking sweetheart." 

He raised his eyebrows and then rolled his eyes at you as he finished up and grabbed for the gauze and tape that were on the floor next to him. 

"I'm lucky to have you," you told him, trying to get a better response from him. 

"Don't forget it," he said with a sideways grin and patted over the gauze, admiring his handy work. When he finally looked up at you, you were flashing him a mock dirty look but he kept you quiet by kissing you again. "You've been a good girl. I think you need a reward." 

"Jake, I don't think I can..." you started, knowing you weren't in a position to have sex right now. 

"I know. Lean back a bit," he instructed as he pushed you slightly, easing you to the back of the tub. 

When you were resting comfortably, he reached into the water and pushed your knees apart. His fingers worked their way up, caressing your thighs lightly until he reached between them and ran his fingers up your folds. His movements were soft but they brought a fire between your legs that you couldn't deny. You spread your legs wider for him and watched his face as he sucked in his bottom lip at the view you were giving him. 

"Fuck, you're gorgeous," he muttered and finally let his ring and middle fingers find your clit, tapping it lightly at first but when you responded to him, he pressed them against you and ran rough circles over the sensitive skin. 

You moaned and put your head on the back of the tub, closing your eyes and losing yourself in the moment. Jacob's other hand came up and over your right breast, kneading at it softly. His movements were always in contrast to one another - if he touched you softly here, his fingers would be rough elsewhere. It reminded you of the man he was, so rough but nurturing. 

While your head was back, his lips rested on the front of your throat and he sucked at the skin until you writhed under his hand, coming apart against him. You chanted his name quietly as he brought his lips up and over your mouth, kissing you hard. 

After a few seconds, he pulled his hands from you and flashed you a grin. "So easy to please." 

"You're just good at what you do," you said and leaned over the ledge of the tub to kiss him again. He started to lean back but something caught his eye and he pivoted until he was looking at your back. 

"It's wet," he scolded. 

"That's not my fault," you told him and slapped at his arm. 

"Pup... lean forward, I'll have to replace it." 

You did as he asked and turned to watch him fake his displeasure with you. But then he smiled slightly before catching himself and frowning again.


	33. Chapter 33

"Thank you," you said to Jacob once he had you dried off and dressed in your comfiest pair of pajamas. You ran your hands down his chest and gave him a quick kiss. 

"Let's get you to bed." 

"Good plan. I'm beat," you agreed and headed back to the main room. John was sitting on one of the stools in your kitchen with his head in his hands. "John?"

He turned quickly and brought a forced smile to his face - always playing the part. "Feel better?" 

"A bit, yes. Thank you both for taking care of me. I'm going to go to bed I think, but I'll see you tomorrow maybe?" 

"I'm not leaving," Jacob reminded you as he shook out your blanket and brought it to the end of the bed so you could climb in. 

"I'm staying too," John told you. He and his brother looked at one another for a long moment but they finally huffed and helped you into the bed. 

You watched as Jacob removed his boots, socks and pants and left them in a pile on the floor next to you. He slid into the bed next to you and pulled the blanket up. His eyes darted to John but then returned to you quickly. 

"Comfy?" he asked. 

"Very," you agreed and scooted closer to Jacob to make room for John who was all but pouting as he looked down at you two curled up in bed. You patted your hand next to you, letting him know there was room for him too. 

John stripped down to his boxers and laid his clothes neatly on the counter behind him and finally laid down with you, placing an arm around your waist. 

"Night John," you told him and gave him a soft kiss before you turned to Jacob and gave him the same. "Night Jake." 

"Night pup," he whispered and leaned over to turn off the light. 

In the darkness, you laid on your back with an arm around you from each side. John's cheek rested on your shoulder and Jacob's against yours. You knew you couldn't possibly sleep like this but didn't have the heart to move them. 

\---

When you woke the next day, Jacob was curled up into himself on one side of the bed and John's leg was hanging off of the bed. Meanwhile, you were spread out starfish style, limbs over each of them. You peeked at the alarm clock to see it was almost 8:00. 

"I know you're awake," you whispered down to Jacob as you sat up and leaned over him. 

He grinned and opened one eye as he turned his head slightly in your direction. When he saw the mess of hair and pillow creases on your face, he chuckled and pulled you down, half on top of him as he kissed you. You glanced over at John who was still sleeping and continued to kiss Jacob, letting your tongue caress his slowly. His hands moved over your body and up and under your pajama top to your breasts. When his fingers found your nipples, you felt his cock move against you. 

"Are you always horny?" you asked him in a whisper. 

"Pretty much," he admitted and continued to pinch at you lightly. You moved against him, happy when you felt his cock harden quickly. He took in a sharp inhale and looked over your shoulder to John who was now stirring. "Fuck." 

You turned to watch John open his eyes groggily and stare at the ceiling like he didn't know where he was. When he looked over to you, realization spread across his face. 

"Morning," he said as he pulled his limbs back to the bed and spooned you from behind. He nodded at Jacob who returned it with one of his own. 

"Sleep well?" you asked.

"I did, but as soon as I get home, I'm arranging for you to get a bigger bed."

"I don't know what the problem is, I had more than enough room," you teased and they both shot you a look. 

You decided it had been long enough and it was time to make up with them both. You were feeling a lot better today, though not quite a hundred percent. 

You pushed back against John, rocking your hips slowly enough that Jacob wouldn't have been able to see. With your other hand still under the blanket, you reached out for Jacob and grabbed him through his boxers. They both let out a gasp in unison and then looked to one another in surprise as they realized what was happening. 

"Are we all okay with this?" you asked, glancing between them. 

"Anything you want," John said and kissed your shoulder. His hand ran up the front of your shirt and brushed against Jacob's that was still there. You heard him grunt unhappily but he slid his hand back without another word and pushed it below your waistband instead, letting his palm run between your legs a few times until he was at your entrance and inserted two fingers, letting them swirl against your walls before he started to thrust into you slowly. "Jacob?" 

"It's fine," he told John and moved his lips to yours as he continued to knead at your breasts. 

You moaned against his lips and pushed back into John, letting him know you appreciated the way he was touching you. When your hips finally settled against his, you felt his cock fully erect and jabbing against you uncomfortably. 

"I'm ready," you told John over your shoulder and abruptly turned back to Jacob and continued your kiss. 

You felt John pull back for a minute and then his hands were on the waistband of your pajama pants, pulling them down far enough that he could access you. His hands fumbled around until he found your opening and replaced his fingers with his cock, gliding into you easily. He shifted slightly and pulled you back to him so that your knees were bent with his. His thrusts came in slow waves; deep but careful and deliberate. His fingers pulled at your hips and he held tightly as he moved his hips up with every stroke, moaning against your hair. 

Jacob pulled back to watch your expression change to one of bliss, running his thumb over your bottom lip everytime you parted them to set a sigh or a moan escape. His other hand reached down to your clit, grazing it with two fingers. 

The sensations you felt pushed and pulled from every direction. Every kiss and every touch brought you closer and closer but their slow movements prolonged your release. It dragged on, the feeling building and building, bringing you to the peak but never setting you over the edge. 

"Harder, please..." you begged between sighs but neither complied. They continued their slow torment on your body until every muscle had tensed, every toe and finger had curled and you were ready to erupt. The orgasm they pulled from you was intense and lasting, crashing through you in waves, over and over. You opened your mouth to a stream of incoherent noises and groans as they both beamed down at you. 

"That's it baby, just let go" Jacob whispered back against your lips. His fingers slowed and then eventually stopped as he felt you relax against him. You breathed deep for a long moment, letting your body adjust after the pleasure that had shot through it.

"Kneel up here for me?" you asked Jacob as you patted the pillows next to you. 

He gave you a devilish grin and did as you asked quickly, hopping up on the bed and bringing his cock up against your lips. You parted them willingly, letting him slide it through, giving him the reins to control the pace. He started slowly but then his tempo quickened and his thrusts grew deeper. You watched him, fully content when you saw him bite down on his lip and close his eyes. 

"Are you okay if I roll you over?" John asked. 

You nodded and he pulled up at your hips, rolling you so that you were on all fours, his cock never leaving you. At this angle, he slid in deeper which is what you knew he was after. He let out a low grunt when you took every inch of him and continued to pleasure Jacob at the same time. 

"I love when you roll your hips like that," John said as he reached down and landed a palm on your ass with a loud snap. "Fuck, just like that..." 

You smiled against Jacob's cock at the praise he was giving. You loved nothing more than when they told you how much they appreciated what you were doing. 

"Fuck her harder," Jacob said to his brother. You looked up in surprise to see him winking down at you. "You like that, don't you?" 

"Yes," you panted when you came up for air but Jacob placed a hand on the back of your head and pushed back into your mouth before you could take a deep breath. 

"That's it," Jacob said as he eased up but kept his hand still in your hair. 

John slapped your skin again, causing you to jump forward. Your mouth ran down the full length of Jacob's cock roughly until it hit the base. He moaned loudly and the aftermath of your actions filled your mouth as he reached down and held your face in place while he rocked against you slightly. 

"Oh God," John whined behind you. His grasp tightened and you knew he was cumming too. 

You stayed motionless while they both filled you, and then removed themselves, helping you back to the bed where they pulled you in both directions toward them.


	34. Chapter 34

"Yeah, that's what I'm saying... they've been watching your ranch for who knows how long," you explained again after they both pressured you for more details on your capture. 

"You can't go back there," Jacob commented. "Stay in the bunker until I can catch this asshole." 

John walked to the other side of the cabin and peeked out the window like he expected to see someone outside right now. He smashed his palm into the wall in front of him and turned with anger in his eyes. 

"We need to talk to Joseph. There's no way we can let him atone after what he's done," he said and washed his gaze over you again like he was remembering your wounds. "Fuck." 

"Jake, you should talk to Joseph. You don't let emotions play into your decisions as much, maybe he'll hear you out. If we let this go, we'll all wind up dead," you said, watching him nod in agreement. 

"I will. John... Bunker. You know you can't go home." 

"I'm not leaving my home." 

"Yes, you are," Jacob told him again with authority in his voice. He stood from his spot next to you on the bed and stared at his youngest sibling with determination set on his face. 

"He's right, John. Please... I can't have anything happen to you," you pleaded. 

"Fuck, fine," John agreed and threw his hands up in the air, then turned and poked a finger in the air towards you. "But you're not staying here either. It's not safe for you." 

"I'll go back to the Compound. The deputy said himself that he doesn't think Joseph is staying there. They won't come looking for us there." 

Jacob looked down at you with the same expression he had given his brother and shook his head firmly. "You're coming back with me." 

"No, I'm not," you told him but he didn't release his sights from you. You stood to face him and tried your best to stare him down. "It's not fair to John if I go with you, same as it wouldn't be fair if I went with John. I'll be equal distance between you both and you can visit me." 

"With Joseph..." John commented. 

"Yes, but I told him it's over and he agreed with me that there was nothing between us." 

"Until he wants you again," Jacob added. 

"Seriously?" you snapped, looking back and forth between them. "I told him it would never happen again. I don't care if he wants me or not, it's not happening. Have some faith in me." 

"Whoa, pup. I just wanted to be sure," Jacob added. He wrapped his arm around your neck and pulled you to him, holding you in place while you struggled to get out. 

When you finally got out of his grasp and settled on sitting at the counter, away from them, you turned back to see if they would agree. Either way, you would go to the Compound but it would be nice to not have to fight over it. 

"I'll radio ahead and let Joseph know," John told you. "We should get you packed up." 

\---

John and Jacob both insisted of driving you to the Compound first and then Jacob would drop John off at the bunker. All three of you searched around the property of your cabin before you left, for any Resistance scouts and then as you drove along but it didn't appear as if you had been tailed. Now you were pulling up in front of the church. John insisted you go ahead and he and Jacob would grab your bags. After some arguing, you finally gave in. 

"Hey," you greeted Joseph when you entered the church. He was just coming down the stairs when you entered. 

"Good to have you back," he said and hugged you. "Are you feeling any better?" 

"I am, thanks. And thank you for letting me stay here." 

"This will always be your home," he told you and peered over your shoulder. "Jacob. John. Thank you for bringing her." 

They both greeted their brother and brushed past you as they brought your belongings upstairs. You excused yourself to Joseph and followed behind. 

"Just on the bed is fine, thanks," you told them. 

"I'll help you unpack," John offered. 

"I'm fine, thanks. You need to get going." 

He looked to you and then back to the bags, and then around the room. You and Jacob watched as he inspected every detail quietly. "Are you going to be okay here?" 

You crossed the room to where he stood and let you hands run up the length of his arms. "I'll be fine. Get to safety before I go crazy with worry." 

He threw his arms around you and pulled you to his chest. "I'll let you stay in one of my cells in the bunker if you're good." 

You laughed and pulled back, giving him a long kiss before you turned to Jacob and did the same. 

"I love you both," you told them. "Please be safe." 

Jacob nodded and headed to the door with John on his heels. They both looked back when they got to the top of the stairs, before descending to the level below. As they went, you listened to their playful banter which seemed surprisingly normal for siblings. It brought a smile to your face to know they were getting along even with everything that was going on.


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ooooh, it's finally decision time!!

Your bags were unpacked and you were now laying back in bed, listening to the quiet rain on the wooden planks above. A knock at the door pulled you away from your meditation. 

"I brought supper," Joseph told you, holding out a plate. 

"You're so sweet, thank you." 

You decided to sit up in bed but allow him to bring it over to you which of course he did. He handed you the plate with some sort of casserole and set your water on the dresser, still within arm's length. 

"May I sit?" he asked. 

"Yes, of course," you told him. He smiled again and sat down gently, watching you for a minute before he spoke. 

"You must think I'm wrong, having such hope for the deputy," he noted. 

"No, I don't. I don't want to see anyone killed, that was never my intention... I'm just not sure how this can end well for any of you and the feeling of knowing you're all in danger just worries me nonstop." 

"I've seen him in New Eden, not as an enemy but as a friend, as a protector. Perhaps I've been wrong though. Maybe John's been right this whole time... maybe the deputy is too wrathful." 

You placed your meal over on the dresser and took his hand, stroking the soft skin of his fingers. "Don't give up hope. Perhaps John's methods aren't quite what we need to help with the atonement. They are a bit... harsh." 

Joseph looked up at you like he was seeing you for the first time. The lines etched into his forehead smoothed and he smiled like you had had the most brilliant idea. "I'll let the deputy come here and give them a choice to walk away." 

"Okay... but you know he won't, right? Joseph, he'll kill you." 

"I trust that God will protect me," he said and squeezed your hand as he stood. "I'm not going to waste anymore time putting my family in jeopardy." 

He left and you swore to yourself, worried what kind of idea you had put in his head. 

\---

The next day, you heard several vehicles pulling up in front of the church and peeked out the window to see what was happening. You watched in horror as Deputy Hudson was dragged from the back of a prisoner van, duct tape around her mouth and hands. She squirmed against her restraints as the two men who were with her reached into the back of the van and pulled out Deputy Pratt. Oddly, he didn't have hand cuffs or restraints of any type but kept his hands held out in front of him as if there were. His movements were squirrelly and his eyes darted from side to side. 

"Oh, Jake... what have you done?" you whispered to yourself as you watched them both being escorted into the church. 

The van behind them was also opened and Sheriff Whitehorse was pulled from the back. He didn't have tape over his mouth but he had thick rope wrapped around his wrists. His movements were casual and compliant as he headed into the church with the others without having to be pulled or pushed. 

You dressed quickly and headed downstairs, unable to sit by while whatever this was happened around you. Joseph had something planned. 

"What is this?" you asked Joseph when you got to the bottom of the stairs. 

He stood in front of the three captives, letting his gaze wash over each as he walked by them slowly. When you approached, he slowed but kept his eyes on them. 

"Please go upstairs," he said quietly. 

"Joseph, can we please talk about this?" 

He turned then and shot you a look of annoyance. His blue eyes bore into yours as he shook his head and pointed a finger towards the staircase, repeating himself without speaking this time. You both stared at each other; neither wanting to be the first to break. 

"Father," a young woman you had never seen before ran into the church. "Father, I'm sorry to interrupt but he's here." 

"Alone?" Joseph asked, still with unbreakable eye contact towards you. 

"Yes. We followed him in... he came on foot and no one's seen any sign of the others." 

"Excellent, thank you Joyce." 

Joseph finally turned back to the hostages and pointed at Deputy Hudson. "Take her outside with us then, if you want to help. The deputy is here to visit." 

_Fuck,_ If the deputy was here, you knew nothing good could come of it but you didn't have time to argue. The others were being escorted outside quickly so you had no time to think or argue with Joseph. You grabbed at the back of Joey's shirt and pushed her forward, towards the front door of the church along with the others. When you were outside, you let her collapse to her knees like her friends and watched as the deputy noticed you. He bit at the inside of his cheek as he stared intently.

"Deputy, thank you for coming. I wasn't sure you would. I'll be quick and to the point; you were given a choice on the night we first met and I'm here to extend that to you again. Take your friends and walk away and leave me with my flock." 

Members of the church crowded around their Father, weapons held high; some pointed at the deputy and others to the hostages. You closed your eyes for a moment and prayed he would make the right choice and just walk away from everything. Two of the three of his friends were telling him the same. The only one that argued was the one you were holding now that the tape had been removed from her mouth. 

The deputy placed his palms to his forehead and stared at the ground then turned and took a few paces before returning to his original spot. You could tell he was conflicted on what to do but he finally let out a long sigh and nodded to his car. 

"Let them go," Joseph commanded. 

You tore at the tape around Joey's wrists and released her. By the time you were done, the sheriff's ropes were also loosened and falling to the ground. You took a step back and let them hurry to the deputy's side, whispering to him as they all walked quickly to the car and piled in. 

"They'll be back... with more firepower this time," you commented to Joseph. 

"Perhaps," he said and turned back to the church. 

You watched as he went inside and closed the door with his followers at his back, leaving you outside alone. You turned to the car the deputy had driven to see it disappear through the gate. 

"We're all fucked," you said under your breath and looked up at the sky. 

That's when you noticed the clouds were outlined in orange. Your eyes narrowed as you studied them but before you could figure out what was amiss about them, an ungodly boom erupted from the distance and fire filled the sky. It only took you a second to figure out what was happening and even though you knew you should try to save Joseph, you were already running for the nearest vehicle. He had at least a dozen people around him that could help. 

You slid into the driver's seat of one of the communal trucks used on the Compound and fished the keys from the glove box, throwing it into drive and mashing on the gas petal as hard as you could, letting the tires spit dirt until they found their traction. 

You knew it was equal distance to John and Jacob's bunkers and that this moment was the one you had reminded yourself would be coming. It was time for you to decide.


	36. Chapter 36

The truck whipped through the dirt roads and between downed trees. Black smoke billowed in the distance behind you, but grew closer by the minute. You didn't have time to hesitate or think but followed your gut and tore through the wooden barricades set up on the occasional road. Your heart was beating out of your chest as you continuously checked the rearview mirror, knowing your extinction was mere minutes away. 

Another clap rocked the ground beneath you, almost throwing you off course but you persisted and kept the gas petal buried until you saw the bunker in the distance. People were running frantically, pulling loved ones behind them. Others had their arms full of belongings and supplies. The only thing they all had in common was the look of terror dripping down their faces. Screams and wails filled the air, you could hear them even before you had the truck parked. 

Not taking the time to turn the truck off, you jumped out quickly and ran past people, darting between bodies and pushing your way through. Your ribs and your back screamed at you with every step but you pushed and pushed until you were at the front door, herding in with the others. Every inch you moved closer, you glanced back over your shoulder to see the forests burn and vehicles on the road in the distance that you knew would never make it in time. You thought about the Seeds and prayed they would all make it. Your prayers became chants as you pushed this way and that, forcing bodies into the heavy vault door and then finally squeezing in. 

Everyone filed in the bunker in disorganized waves, but they all knew the drill and moved down the halls towards the lower levels of the bunker. You searched every face for the only one you cared about, praying he had made it. Praying he was here already or close enough to the bunker when the bombs dropped and that he would be down below, waiting for you. 

Heavy hands pushed you from behind and the screams of the people behind you grew more frantic. You didn't have to turn to know the doors were now being shut. Stopping dead, you turned and watched the heavy door close and lock and watched every person who continued towards you, still not seeing him. Shoulders and elbows crashed into you as you stood motionless, waiting for him to appear. 

"(Y/n)!" you heard behind you. 

At first it sounded like you were underwater, the sound was murky and muffled but you recognized his voice immediately. He called to you again as you turned and saw him pushing through the crowd towards you. 

Tears tumbled down your cheeks as you ran to him, and he did the same. When you finally met one another, he pulled you to him and held you tighter than he ever had. 

"Thank God," he whispered over and over as he let his hands run through your hair and over your back, pulling you closer each time. He finally pulled back and studied your face. "I didn't think you would come here." 

"I always knew I would," you told him and fell back into his embrace, knowing that even though the world was gone, he wasn't and that's all you needed.


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, my lovelies... It's time for the big reveal! 
> 
> I went back and forth so many times on who she should pick but finally made my choice (see my notes at the end of this chapter for my reasoning... hopefully it makes sense). I know it'll disappoint some people and for that, I'm sorry. 😨

"We have to get downstairs. I have to make sure everyone stays calm or we'll have trouble on our hands," he said finally when you pulled back. 

"Okay," you agreed and let him entwine his fingers with yours as he led you through the halls and down a few flights of stairs to an area on the bottom level that held a podium and several long benches running up a wide staircase type platform. It looked like the inside of a church. They must have all been told to go here because you recognized most of the faces from upstairs. 

"Everyone take a seat. I'm going to try to reach Joseph and you'll all be assigned a bunk or room. We need to stay calm or none of this will work," he said from the front of the room. 

Everyone went quiet except for several people in the crowd who shouted thanks to him for protecting them through the Collapse. Others called out for the Father but most were still sobbing. 

You followed behind until you reached a large room at the end of one of the halls and listened as Joseph was called over the radio. Your stomach dropped each time the line came back silent. The thought that something might have happened to him and that you may have been able to help, shook you to the core with guilt. 

Time and time again, the line crackled with static but finally after about an hour, you heard a weak voice on the other end. 

"Jacob. You're safe," Joseph finally replied. 

"Thank fuck. Where are you?" Jacob asked, pulling a hand through his hair and smiling so brightly, you forgot who you were looking at. 

"I'm in a bunker with the deputy," he said softly. "We're alone. The others... they didn't make it." 

"But... John?" 

"I haven't heard yet but he was in his bunker at the time so I'm confident he's okay. Jacob, I'm so sorry but I couldn't get to (y/n) in time. I know how much you loved her." 

"No. No... she's here. She got here in time. She's okay," Jacob explained and reached a hand over to rub your arm as he did. 

"But... I didn't think she would. She was so far from the bunker. I'm so happy. We're all okay." 

"Have you heard from Faith?" you asked Joseph, leaning over Jacob in the process. He ran his hand over your back as you did. 

"No... I'm not sure she made it... but I'm hopeful," Joseph replied. You noticed Jacob roll his eyes but when you turned to him, he flashed you a smile instead. "I need some time but I will address my children when I have collected my thoughts. Please take care." 

Jacob said his good bye and turned to you, pulling you into him again and crushing your lips with his.

"I didn't think I'd ever seen you again," he said when you were released from his grasp. 

"I'm too stubborn to go out like that," you told him. 

"No, I just thought... well, I'm glad you're here." 

"Jake, what is it?" 

He sighed and stood from the side of the bed you were both seated on, turning his back to you as he spoke, "I thought you would have gone to John." 

You stood up and wrapped your arms around him from behind, letting your cheek rest between his broad shoulders. "I hope you're not disappointed."

"Never. This is all I've ever wanted." 

\---

The next few hours were utter chaos but finally everyone was assigned a bed. Families were kept together and the others were spread out around the bunker. Jacob assured you he had more than enough food on hand for the numbers you had, which were still surprisingly high considering the world was just ended without warning. 

Everyone was still visibly shaken up but Jacob was calm and took control quickly, showing what a leader he really was. The news of Joseph's survival helped pick everyone up slightly. 

It was now late at night and people were starting to peter off to their beds, in hopes of getting some much needed rest. Tomorrow, Joseph would address the flock and jobs would be assigned to everyone but for now, quiet time was needed. 

Jacob led you back to his room, never once asking if you were okay staying with him but you supposed since you basically just commited yourself to him for the next seven years, it was kind of a given that you would. 

"Can we try John again?" you asked when you were alone. You had already snuck away a couple of times to do so but he didn't return your call. You weren't sure if something went wrong or perhaps he heard of your whereabouts and was too angry to speak to you. 

"Sure. You want to or do you want me to?" 

"You can... please. Maybe he's just avoiding me," you added. 

"Hmm, maybe. I'm sure he's fine, don't worry yet," Jacob told you as he picked up the radio and changed the frequency again. 

"John, if you're there, let me know. I need to know you're okay," he said with a touch of worry to his usual calm voice. "John?" 

"Jake?" you heard his voice though it was muffled and the radio was heavy with static. "Jacob? Is that you? Are you okay?" 

"Yes, I'm okay. Where the hell have you been?" 

"Radio... no one around.. fix the damn thing..." 

"I'd say it's still broken. I can barely hear you. Joseph's alive." 

The radio went silent for a long time but you finally heard John's voice. This time it was clear, "I already spoke with him. He filled me in on everything." 

Jacob looked back at you and you grimaced at him, hoping that didn't mean what you thought. 

"I want to speak with her," John told his brother, not mentioning who but you both knew. 

Jacob stood and handed you the radio, pointing his thumb to the door as he slipped out and closed the door behind him. 

"Hi," you said softly. 

"Kitten," he sighed happily. "I've been losing my mind, praying you were okay. This fucking radio.... I looked for you everywhere in the bunker." 

"I'm okay. I'm glad you are too. I was worried about you. I've been trying to reach you for hours." 

"I'm sorry, I never wanted to worry you. How did you get... it doesn't matter. I just wish I was with you." 

You sat with the radio in your lap, running over everything you had rehearsed over the past few hours, everything you had chosen to say to him but it all sounded silly now. You knew there would be no easy way to tell him or ease the blow to his ego. There was no way you could gather the pieces of his heart and try to put them back in place like you always did. You knew that when you chose to head north but you did so without hesitation and it was clear to you that you had to be as honest with him as possible. 

"I guess I'll see you in seven years," you said in almost a whisper. Everything you thought you'd say flew out of your mind and that was the only thing you could think to say. 

"You'll wait for me though.... Right? I know it'll be hard on us but we can..." 

"John, stop. You know that'll never work. We both need to have our own lives now. I can't expect you to put everything on hold for almost a decade." 

"What are you saying?" he asked with an audible edge now in his voice. 

"It's... over. It has to be." 

"I'll find a way to get to you. Someone can piece together a Hazmat suit down here, I'm sure. I'll..." he said frantically but you cut him off again. 

"John. Please don't make this any harder," you said, now crying into your end of the radio. 

"You give up so easily," he snapped back harshly. "You're so fucking quick to abandon, aren't you?" 

"John, this is just as hard on me..." 

You stopped then, knowing he wouldn't be replying anytime soon. You threw the radio down on the bed and sank down into the blankets, covering your eyes with your forearm as you sobbed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ahhh, Jacob, Jacob, Jacob... Of course I picked him (I'm beyond predictable). But aside from being drawn to him, I figured the OC would pick him for these reasons:
> 
> * DRAMA FREE relationship (can we say hallelujah?)
> 
> * He's an unselfish lover, unlike *ahem* someone...
> 
> * He told her earlier in the story that she was the only woman he had ever loved and that meant the world to her. Not only that but she figured John might be able to move on faster where Jacob only ever seemed interested in her 
> 
> * It's my story dammit and I would have picked him 😜


	38. Chapter 38

It had been nearly two weeks and every passing moment was spent in your room. You escaped when Jacob told you it was time for meals but then you returned to the comfort of your room again, curling up on your side of the bed, closest to the wall. 

At night, Jacob would slip back into the room and try to make some sort of awkward small talk but you mostly just laid in his arms as he soothed you and wiped your tears. You felt so selfish in disconnecting from him like this but you were unable to get out of your head. When Jacob would hold you a little longer or try to brush his lips to yours, you would pull away. Your thoughts always went to John and the guilt stabbed into you in a truly debilitating way. But as always, Jacob was patient with you. 

Tonight was no different. After retreating back into yourself after he had touched your cheek, he now laid back, watching the ceiling. There was only a small emergency light in the corner of your room, emitting a tiny amount of light but it was enough to make out the pained expression he had for the first time. You knew his patience was wearing thin. 

"Jake, I'm sorry..." 

"Don't be." 

You watched him again but when he felt you eyeing him so intrusivly, he rolled over so that his back was to you. You reached for him but snapped your hand back, thinking of how John would feel if he knew you were enjoying intimacy when he couldn't. But you had to remember that he didn't know whether you were restraining yourself or not. In his mind, he probably thought you and Jacob were fucking on every surface of the room when in truth, you hadn't been with him since before the Collapse. 

You had lost John but it was your own doing, you reminded yourself. And if you didn't do something to get out of this mood soon, you'd lose Jacob too. You were crushed about John but if the other happened, you'd be absolutely obliverated. You forced yourself to put a hand on Jacob's bare shoulder, running your fingers over his heavily scarred skin. His body tensed under your touch. 

"I know I've been everything except for what you want lately. I'm trying so hard but the guilt is consuming me," you explained. 

"Do you regret your decision?" he asked quietly. 

It hit you like a ton of bricks; the realization that your actions would give him such doubt. 

"Of course not," you said, pawing at his back in an attempt to turn him. "Look at me." 

He rolled over to his back and turned his chin so that he was looking at you with his beautiful steel blue eyes. 

"I love you with every ounce of me. When those bombs dropped, the only thing I thought of was you and how I could get to you. There was never a doubt, never a second thought. I knew the world was ending and that I needed to spend whatever time I had left with you," you told him, pleading for understanding. 

"It kills me to see you like this." 

"I'm sorry. I just keep thinking about him and how he's taking this. You know as well as I do how sensitive he is.. he would tear this situation apart and pick apart every piece, seeing it as rejection of the worst kind. It just... it hurts me to know I've caused that. You've both been through more than any human should..." 

Jacob reached a hand out to you hesitantly but you met him halfway and let him pull you to his bare chest. You breathed in the scent of him, noticing he didn't smell of pines anymore but it was still familiar. 

"You love him," Jacob commented.

"I do, but not the same way... It never was. I can't explain it. We've just been through a lot and I guess maybe it's more of a love you would have for a friend, if that makes sense?" you told him and ran a hand over his stomach. "I love you more than I've loved anyone in my entire life. I've never doubted that." 

"Me too."

"It's only guilt for me now... not loss, not love. That's only for you." 

Jacob leaned down and placed his lips to the top of your head, letting them linger. He whispered something against your hair but you couldn't make it out. You chose to bring your chin up to face him, in hopes that he would repeat himself but his lips were down on yours before you had a chance to ask him. At first, the same familiar sting of guilt washed through you but you fought it off with everything you could and focused on the familiar feeling of Jacob's rough lips. When you didn't pull away, he pushed you over to your back and rolled on top, settling between your open legs. He didn't reach for you or pressure you but continued his kiss which was growing more frantic by the second. Both of his hands tangled in your hair as he pulled himself closer to you after you let your tongue linger against his. 

Your bodies rocked gently against one another's, barely touching at first but when you felt his cock start to harden, he let his weight sink down on you and he ground his hips against yours in desperation, groaning as he strained against the heavy fabric of his jeans. 

"Fuck me," you whispered into his open mouth when he pulled back his tongue again. 

He pulled up and looked down at you for a minute, his eyes questioning whether you were serious. 

"Jake... please," you pleaded. 

That was all the permission he needed. In an instant, his hands were ripping your pajamas off. He grunted when the material clung or stuck, pulling until you heard the fabric rip. When he got to your panties, he wrapped his hand around the fabric, twisting it against his fist and pulled, shredding the thin cotton. It was by far the sexiest thing he had ever done. It reminded you of the first time you had met up with him in the woods while you were hunting. When he was done with you, you could barely stand. You longed for that everytime you slept with him but as time went on, he had grown soft on you, always wanting to make sure you were okay. 

But now, he was almost animalistic in his movements. When you were completely bare, he flipped you over quickly and drove you down flat on the bed when you tried to lift your hips. With one hand, he held you to the bed and the other worked at his boxers until you heard them drop to the floor beside you. 

You turned to see where he was but his hand pushed down on the back of your head and forced you to turn away. When he was convinced you would stay still, he moved his hands to your hips that were flat with the bed and slid his cock against your folds until he found your openings. Quickly, he was entering you with a growl. Right away, he set a staggeringly fast and hard pace. Everytime you tried to move up to meet his thrusts, he pushed you back down until you gave up and laid on the bed with your hands gripping the pillow. 

"Good girl. Just lay back for me," he groaned as he tempo changed again. This time his strokes deepened, letting you feel every bit of his thick cock. "Fuck, you take that so well." 

His words pitched the sensation between your hips and the knot that was growing in your lower abdomen tightened, spreading the tension through your muscles. Every thrust sent a wave of pleasure through you, adding to the buildup that was threatening to explode at any second. 

"That's it, squeeze that perfect pussy for me," he panted behind you. 

His words were your weakness, they always were and immediately you felt yourself involuntarily clench around him as your walls contracted and you pulled against him, milking his cock as he came at the same time. His hips bucked against yours sharply one last time and he collapsed on top of you, pressing his cheek against the back of your head. 

"You okay?" Jacob asked into your ear. 

"Yes. That was amazing." 

He crawled off of you and let you roll over finally, letting yourself and your muscles that know felt like jelly, relax into the soft mattress. Jacob laid back, letting his breath still. His head tilted back as a smile crept over his face. It dawned on you that this was the first one you had seen from him in over two weeks.


	39. Chapter 39

Your dreams that night were a jumble of images; most disturbing. Flashes of smoke from the bombs and the fire surrounding the bunker, ran through your mind as if they were a movie reel being played on an endless loop. When the movie ended, it picked up again with more detail: the horror on people's faces, screaming children, the horrible sound your truck made as the one behind it crashed into the tailgate at the bunker doors. 

You would wake sporadically through the night but your mind always wandered back to the end of the world as you knew it, until finally it didn't and it turned to John. He was screaming and throwing things, cursing towards you in his ranch as you stood, unable to move. Fire licked the windows from outside but it didn't match the fire growing inside of him. He finally tore into your flesh with his knife and carved carelessly into it in sharp jagged lines. 

But then suddenly everything was replaced by a wash of sunlight. Everything disappeared, including John, except for the warmth you felt running through your body. Your lips turned into a wide smile and you heard a moan of absolute ecstasy escape your lips. The noise woke you and your eyelids fluttered as you adjusted to the light of the bedside lamp. The only thing that didn't disappear was the feeling you had during the dream. 

"Morning," Jacob said softly. 

It took you a minute to realize he was between your thighs, running his tongue along your clit slowly in an attempt to wake you. 

"Hey," you said, leaning up a bit on your elbows. 

His hair was a mess atop his head, falling down his forehead and towards his eyes. You brushed it back to watch his face as he smiled and pushed his mouth back over you to suck lightly at the bundle of nerves between your thighs. You weren't sure how long he had been at it but you felt yourself nearing an orgasm already. When you pushed back to the bed and let your chin tilt up towards the headboard, he laughed slightly, humming against your skin. 

"Just relax," he breathed against you and quickened his pace, lapping at you in short, quick motions. 

When he changed direction to circle your clit, you raised your hips against his mouth and let yourself cum. Your hand shot out and held his head in place until the last shudder left you and you relaxed back to the bed. 

"You always taste so sweet," he told you as he climbed up and lowered between your knees. You brought them up and wrapped your legs tightly around his waist, urging him to slid into you. When he didn't, you wriggled under him and pouted. 

"You want it, don't you pup?" he asked. 

"Of course I do. Move and let me on top." 

Jacob grinned and rolled over quickly, letting you straddle him and sink effortlessly down the length of his shaft. You started slowly, easing down inch by inch until he was buried completely inside of you. You leaned over him, placing a hand on either side of his head on the pillow, kissing him every time you pulled up and sank back down. 

"I want to see you," he said. You knew he loved when you sat up straight when you were on top, letting him watch your breasts bounce softly with every movement. When you released your hands and sat back, he inhaled sharply. "They're perfect. Fuck... I love when you're on top." 

"I know you do, you perv," you chuckled but he was too busy rubbing his fingers over both breasts to hear you. His fingers kneaded and pinched and finally squeezed roughly as he pushed up into your hips from underneath. His eyes shut tightly and your name slipped through his lips as he moaned louder than you had ever heard him before. You felt his cock throb and swell against your walls slightly and the heat of his cum filled you. You continued rocking against him even after he came, letting your hands rest on his chest. His eyes flew open and he pushed up at you gently, letting you know he was done. When you didn't stop, he reached up and rolled you easily to the bed next to him. 

"Jesus, you're an animal. I can't take anymore, woman" he scolded but smiled while he did. 

"Thanks for the wakeup." You leaned over and kissed him, letting everything else leave your mind for the first time in a long time. It finally felt like old times again. 

\---

The next few months went by quickly. Things in the bunker normalized and everyone was now in a routine. Jacob was running a tight ship and there hadn't been an incident of violence or otherwise since the Collapse. Supplies were used sparingly but he estimated they would last until you could reach the surface again, though no one was really sure when that would be. 

You tried reaching out to John on so many occasions now but he refused to speak. Jacob spoke with him often though so you guessed his anger was only directed at you. You didn't always ask Jacob about him - not wanting him to think you still wanted to be with John - but when you did, he assured you that he was starting to calm down and was busy at his own bunker. Most of his people didn't survive unfortunately but he did his best for the ones that did. 

Joseph remained with the deputy and that whole thing was interesting to say the least. Apparently the deputy was fully consumed with guilt so Joseph set out to sooth him and make him see the light. It was just as he had predicted. 

The only sibling that hadn't made it unfortunately was Faith. No one heard from her bunker so you weren't really sure if anyone had made it. You clung to the hope that maybe she was alive and the radio was down but knew in your heart that wasn't the case.


	40. Chapter 40

"John?" you asked, hearing his voice on the other end of the radio. Jacob had just pulled you into the bedroom, letting you know someone was calling for you. When you took the radio from him, he left the room. 

"Hi," he said shyly from the other end. 

"Hi," you said, not sure what else to say. It had been a year and a half since the Collapse and since you last heard from him. 

"How are you?"

"I'm... I'm good. What's happening here? Are you okay?" you asked, confused that he was finally reaching out to you.

"I just figured it was time to talk." 

You laughed awkwardly, "It's been long enough, hasn't it? Are you still pissed?"

"I'm... I'm okay. I'm not angry," he sighed and the radio went dead for several minutes. You stared at it, wondering if you should speak but he finally came back, "I've rehearsed this a hundred times but it doesn't sound right. I just wanted to say I'm happy for you and Jacob." 

"Oh... Well, thank you." 

"The connection we had, it was never close to what you both did. I knew that at the time though I told myself otherwise. You need peace in your life and someone who will love you without jealousy and pettiness. But I'm grateful for the time we had."

"Okay, you're officially scaring me. This sounds like a good bye letter." 

"Just the end to our chapter. I... met someone," he said calmly. 

You thought about that for a moment and felt your bottom lip start to quiver. Soon, your cheeks were growing wet. 

"I'm so happy for you," you told him, trying to hold yourself together.

"Are you... crying?" 

"I am but it's just cause I'm happy. The guilt I felt after everything happened... it honestly consumed me, you have no idea. It still does. I just always wanted to know if you were okay. I worried about you every day," you explained. 

"Shh, kitten... everything is fine," he assured you. "I'm sorry for all of this." 

"Me too. I never wanted to end things the way I did but..." 

"You had no choice," he interrupted. "I have to go but I guess I'll see you in five and a half years."

"Can't wait," you told him honestly. "I love you John." 

"I love you too," he agreed.

You knew that was the truth, though it wasn't the love you had shared before. Now it was because he was your family and you knew that feeling would never leave you. 

You set the radio down and stared at the far wall, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from your shoulders. You could finally... Finally!.. feel good about your choice. 

"Jake!" you shouted, knowing he would be standing outside the door. 

A second later, the door opened and he came in. His confident demeanor was gone and replaced with uncertainty. You patted the bed next to you and let him sit. 

"Everything okay?" he asked. 

"All good," you told him smiling. "I love you, have I mentioned that yet today?"

"Might have in the shower earlier," he said, thinking back. "I love you too." 

Jacob wrapped his arm around you and let you lean into him. You held him a bit tighter today, knowing in your heart that you had made the right decision.


	41. Chapter 41

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter folks!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know these past few chapters have been rushed. At first I thought about going into detail of life in the bunker but I figured I'd leave that to the imagination (that and I'm going back to work in three days, after being off for a year, so I really needed to wrap it up 😝)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who read this entire story... It's been a long one and honestly one I was thinking of abandoning after the fifth chapter. Also, thanks for all your comments along the way! I can't say this enough - they made my day, each and every one of them! 😘

Life in Hope County flourished somehow, even through nuclear winter. No one could make sense of it except for Joseph who somehow had always known this would be the place where society rebuilt itself.

You were all freed from the bunker a year earlier than planned and it was a good thing. Many of the people you shared the bunker with had died to sickness, unable to receive proper medical care underground. But now, you could start rebuilding and hopefully combine your resources with the ones John could provide. 

Joseph had mapped out an area for everyone, high in the mountains, away from the other survivors. It was the New Eden he had dreamt of. With his instructions, his followers from all bunkers headed north to join him and the deputy who had already scouted the area. 

When you arrived, you did so before anyone from John's bunker. Jacob's was much closer to the new site so you knew it would be a few days before you saw the others. When you saw Joseph however, he wrapped you and Jacob both in his arms, weeping at the sight of you. Though he had aged slightly, he still looked the same, with his same man bun and patchy beard. He rambled on about his time in the bunker but he seemed to be at peace and had a soothing calm about him. 

Two days later, the flock from John's bunker arrived. You were shocked to see only a dozen or so people make their way up the small hill to the quick shelter you had all made while you waited. As his people herded in and gravitated to Joseph, you searched the crowd for John. Finally you saw him in the distance, holding the hand of a fair haired woman in a flowing powder blue dress. When they neared, John smiled warmly at you both and hugged his brother tightly before doing the same to you. Though you had talked frequently after you had made up all those years ago, the radios connecting his bunker to Jacob's had gone on the fritz roughly three years ago and you hadn't been able to speak with him since. No one could understand it but the frequency had just kicked the bucket.

You looked him over, noticing the touch of grey now speckled through his beard. He wore the same shirt but had ditched the vest and his whole demeanor seemed so much lighter. You turned to the woman who you were sure was responsible for the change. 

When you were introduced and she brought you to her to hug you, you felt her swollen belly through her dress. Your eyes shot down and then back to her face which was glowing. John smiled in response to your expression. 

"Are you...?" you stopped, looking between the two of them. 

"Yes," they both said proudly.

"Fuck, congrats!" Jacob said happily and pulled his brother in for another hug. He turned to you, knowing it was time to let him in on your news too. 

"Cousins.." you said quietly, acknowledging his unspoken words. "Be right back." 

You took off up the hill to Joseph's tent and came back a short while later with the only thing you had kept from John all these years. You had asked Joseph not to mention it either, feeling it was better coming from you. If you were able to speak with him on the radio, you would have shared the news and maybe it was wrong of you to hold something like this to yourself but it was a decision you had made nonetheless. 

When you approached, his eyes widened and his gaze went from the toddler at your side to Jacob and back again. 

"Rowan, this is your Uncle John," you told her as you reached him. 

He dropped to his knees and looked her over, taking in the same plump lips as yours and the fiery red waves clinging to her shoulders. 

"I'm so happy to meet you," he said and looked to you. "You look exactly like your mama."

"Daddy has same hair," she told him, still clinging to your leg. 

"That he does," John agreed and smiled back to his brother. "Doesn't look like you have the same beard though... not yet." 

She squealed with laughter and moved out from behind your leg, letting him hug her. You watched them talk together as he walked with you and your family up the hill, knowing she had made a lifelong friend.


End file.
